by Joey | Mar 8, 2016 | Throwback
I feel a little bit like a fraud because I’m meant to be writing a post all about the power of positive thought and how just thinking you can often means that you will.
And I believe that. I do. I’ve seen it happen before. I’ve had it happen to me before.
But for the sake of transparency, I feel like I can’t really talk about that today. Not when I sat across the table from two of my closest friends and admitted to them that while I know what I’m capable of I’m too scared.
It’s normal. It’s natural. But it’s also really freaking real. And the reality is, sometimes that fear is paralyzing.
The way to get past that is to talk it out, write it out, tell yourself all the reasons that the fear is wrong. I know the reasons, I’m just not convinced yet.
And the truth is, we probably aren’t ever actually convinced until we’re doing it. And we won’t actually do it until we shut down the fear and try.
J and I watched a movie this weekend, and while I was working during the movie (because am I ever not working?) I overheard a scene that made my blood run cold.
In the movie, a guy just graduated college and he’s working at a video store while he’s trying to figure out his next move. His twin sister is making all kinds of big decisions and bold moves, but he just doesn’t feel ready yet.
Well, at the end of the movie, he gets in trouble with the law, who also happens to be his dad. And while he’s breaking down, he admits that he just feels like a failure.
In a shocking reality, his dad told him that he didn’t earn that badge, he couldn’t even call himself a failure because he hadn’t taken any shots–he never tried, he never allowed himself the opportunity to fail.
All my life I’ve been the girl with big ideas who discounted herself down to nothing. I’ve always settled for good enough, never allowing myself to put the real work and effort into forever because what if I fail?
I’ve been through some seriously awful shit. I’ve lost people I needed to remind me how to survive. I’ve been told no when I really needed to hear a yes. I’ve been penniless and directionless.
But I’ve still managed to build a life I’m proud of. So what the hell am I so afraid of? Really. What’s the worst case scenario? It’s probably not as bad as you’d think.
Well…?
If you don’t take the shot
you already lost.
Have you read my book yet? Download it here! I’ll love you forever and ever and we can be besties for life!
by Joey | Mar 3, 2016 | Throwback
This week has been one of those that I haven’t been able to keep track of what day it is. And unfortunately, I’ve kept thinking it’s a day later than it is. There’s nothing worse than leaving work on a Tuesday thinking it was Wednesday all day.
I knew it would happen eventually–I’m running full speed in a million different directions, but you guys? I am burnt out. I’ve never been one to love travel (I much prefer Netflix in my living room–travel usually stresses me out), but I have never craved a cottage in the woods more.
Which got me thinking. The last true vacation J and I took together was our honeymoon. Six years ago.
Lately, every time we travel it’s for an event. A wedding. A funeral. Some jam-packed-family-filled weekend that we have to squirrel vacation time away for. Don’t get me wrong, those are fun (not the funeral, obviously). But they are not vacations. They all provide some level of stress and drama.
As much as I’d love some tropical escape with all you can drink cocktails and unlimited sunshine, it just isn’t a realistic option at this point. They’re expensive and require a lot of planning. Finding an entire week to take off of work just seems impossible to me.
But I’ve been sitting here for way too long staring at my jam-packed calendar thinking I just need to get away. I’d love some secluded cabin in the woods and a weekend without any obligations. It’s tough to find the time. It’s tough to coordinate schedules. But I think at this point, it’s more necessary than not.
We’re within driving distance of some amazing places. Blowing Rock, Charleston, Athens just to name a few. I’m so tempted to hop onto AirBNB, snag some cozy little place, and take off running.
This feeling let’s me know one things: we’re doing it wrong. One of my closest friends is always jet-setting here and taking off there. She and her husband sit at the beginning of the year and they plan out their travel. Turns out–that’s pretty normal. Who knew.
I’ve learned lately that if it’s not on my calendar, it’s a pipe dream. I schedule in catch up calls with friends and when to get my oil changed. So why aren’t I scheduling in R&R?
Okay.
I get it now.
How do you guys handle your travel? Do you wait until you’re burnt out and plan an emergency getaway? Or are you more like
Kim (sorry, calling you out friend :)) and plan out your vacations strategically, ensuring you always have something to look forward to?
I remember in college my best friend and I would live and die for our little trips away. We’d plan something fun (on a built in break–I miss those) and looking forward to it would make everything else feel easier.
I think we had the right idea back then.
All this to say, I’m tired. And burnt out. And I need a little break. So if you see a little brunette sitting in the corner of the Starbucks on Park with a list of AirBNB rentals up on her computer, say hi. Because that’s totally me right now.
by Joey | Mar 2, 2016 | Throwback
People think bloggers sit down at their computers for 10 minutes, spit out some mumbo jumbo, hit publish and that’s the end of that story.
Ha.
We wish, right?
Right.
You know it, and I know it. Running any kind of remotely successful blog takes a ton of freaking work. And if you work a day job, it can all feel impossible. I get it, I’d love to sit at my computer all day sharing my hard work on my various social media accounts, too. But I’m no where near my computer during my work day. And I’m lucky if I get a second here or there to chat on twitter (I try).
But take it from me, if you want to keep your day job, you probably shouldn’t be caught hanging out on Twitter all day. You need that health insurance, am I right?
I was guilty of working really hard on a post, scheduling it to go live, and solely relying on the
one tweet that Bloglovin’ so kindly pumps out for me
at 5AM and wondering why no one was reading my blog
. That’s no way to show your hard work love. It’s just not.
That’s when I found Buffer. I’d checked into it years ago–but it seemed overwhelming and I gave up. But now that I’ve got it figured out, I’ll share my tricks with you!
Buffer.com allows you to schedule up to 10 tweets at a time for
free. I used the free version for a while, but I found that 10 tweets just wasn’t enough. For $10/month (the Awesome Plan), you can manage 10 different social media accounts, and schedule up to 100 posts at one time.
NOTE: there are several features of Buffer that I don’t mess with yet. It has some pretty cool options, but for today, I’m just going to share with you exactly how I use it.
Alright.
Let’s get to it.
1. Write a stellar blog post.
I’d love to tell you that I always have my content written the weekend before. That’s not always the case. We all have the best intentions, but I can be found writing a blog post the night before it’s meant to be published. Even if that’s you, ferociously writing trying to meet your own deadline, Buffer is still for you.
2. Snatch the Permalink
This looks complicated, it’s not. On the right sidebar, click on permalink. You can customize this if you want, I rarely do. I know for SEO purposes this can be important, but I’m not that fancy. I simply highlight and copy the link it provides.
3. Shorten the link
This isn’t 100% necessary, no. But I go to
Bitly.com to shorten the link. This helps tremendously with twitter. I struggle with the character count, friends.
Are any of you surprised? No.
4. Write Your Tweet.
Go to
buffer.com. Once you have an account, it’ll bring you right to your dashboard where you can select which account you want to schedule posts for. I typically opt to pull lines straight out of my blog post to use as tweets. As of right now, I really only use Buffer for twitter. I’d like to start using it for Facebook, but you all know how much I hate Facebook, so I haven’t really made figuring that part out a priority. Once you’ve written your tweet, click on
Add to queue and select SCHEDULE POST.
5. Select Date & Time
People who are more successful than me will tell you that there are optimal times to post for more engagement, etc. And yes, that’s true. I just don’t care enough to know what they are. The good news is, Buffer will analyze your account and suggest when you should post. If you want to be more successful than me, listen to Buffer. I stick with the every other hour thing starting at 7AM. I don’t want my account to be nothing but scheduled promotional tweets. I make an effort to pop in on the opposite hours with real, live, personal chatty content. Once you’re done, select SCHEDULE under the time.
Bada bing, bada boom.
You’re done.
If I can make one recommendation, life will feel a lot more under control if you go ahead and schedule your tweets as soon as you’re done writing your blog post and scheduling it. I look at it as my way of “closing the books” on that one post before moving on to another.
Once my post is written, scheduled to go live, and I have all my social media scheduled out, I add the post to my blog post inventory spreadsheet. Stay tuned for next week to find out how I save $50/month and created my own way to promote posts from my archives!
by Joey | Mar 1, 2016 | Throwback
The other day while I was running, Stand By You by Rachel Platton came on Pandora. I’ve heard it a hundred times before but barely listened to it. It’s catchy enough though it’s not really my cup of tea. After that run, I went home and bought the song on iTunes.
I had to stop myself from blasting it on repeat waiting for the husband to get home and screaming this is our new song at him when he walked through the door.
I think it’s the exact opposite of what is wrong with love and marriage these days. Because the truth is, we all expect our partners to always be the people we fell in love with but we don’t hold ourselves to that same standard.
When we are less than our best, we expect our partners to love us through it, to support us even when we’re a little bit crazy. But the second they stumble off the path to success, we get that irrational I can’t love someone like this feeling. I deserve better than this. They’re better than this. I can’t do this.
It’s not about you. It’s not about you at all. Sure, it’s hard for you to love someone through their storm. That’s never easy. But when you start to make it about you, you’ve already failed. You’ve already given up on them. And they need you. That’s why they picked you.
God designed us to be strong even when we feel like we can’t be. And sometimes that means being strong for someone else when they can’t be. That’s called marriage.
It’s easy to want to walk away when things aren’t easy. Duh. But you picked this person for life, for better or worse. It’s easy to see the good on that sunny day in your white dress. If it were easy to love someone through their storm, you wouldn’t have to make that promise in front of God and everyone who loves you, asking them to hold you accountable.
It’s when you finally stop thinking about yourself, about how all of this is affecting you that you experience real love. When you can sit down next to the person you love, even when they’ve forgotten who that person is, take their hand and give them your wings.
Because sometimes you have to be strong enough for the both of you. It doesn’t seem fair. It’s never easy. But it’s always worth it. Because let me tell you, when you come out the other side still holding hands? That’s when you experience the true magic of marriage.
And more miraculously so, they’ll do the same for you. They’ll love you when you’re unlovable. But it takes work and commitment and, gasp, sometimes putting yourself second.
It’s your job to always see the best in them, especially when they can’t. Because we all get a little lost sometimes. And that’s okay. That’s why we are partners. One takes the wheel, the other navigates. That’s just the way it works.
by Joey | Feb 25, 2016 | Throwback
When my Camry died, I was knee deep in Yeah, Maybe revisions on a computer that was 7 years old and barely functioning. Everyone was telling me I needed to get a car. I decided it was more important to get a new computer.
So after Yeah, Maybe was published (that’s right, you guys, I published the book using a computer that would crash on me every 20 minutes–stop making excuses), I rewarded myself with a brand new Macbook Pro. A huge investment for an unemployed writer, but it seemed more useful to me at the time than a new car. I worked from home. My husband’s job was less than a mile from our house. Do you see what I mean?
Overtime, a car seemed a little more necessary. My dad wasn’t driving much anymore, so my mom very kindly lent me hers. It served its purpose nicely. I mostly used it to travel to their house–something that was hugely necessary during The Great Tree Fight of 2014.
But then the rug got pulled out from under us. We didn’t expect to leave Campbell. We had no intentions of leaving our little (very inexpensive) house. Meaning we had no plan. Moves are expensive, especially when one of us hadn’t exactly been making a stable income for two years.
We entered 2015 scared silly. We had no money. No plan. No prospects. Nothing. We relied heavily on God and family. We trusted our instincts which took us to Charlotte. We picked an apartment less than two miles from my job, where a car would be provided while I was at work. I had it all worked out, I’d get a bike and uber to work when the weather was bad.
Don’t be ridiculous, my parents said. The car is just sitting in the driveway. Thank you.
The year continued. We got knocked down a couple times. We made mistakes. We failed. We started the year in last place and kept falling behind. Y’all. Shit. Was. Hard.
“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly.”
-T. Roosevelt
We stayed the course. We stopped, backed up, tried again. We kept pushing forward. We stood up, face covered in mud, streaked by tears, and kept going.
I drove my mom’s car for the entirety of 2015: accepting the help that was offered, something my pride was allergic to. But I couldn’t do it alone. There’s nothing more sobering than looking at your life and realizing you can’t save yourself.
So when I was sitting in that dealership signing my life away a couple weeks ago, it was a reality check. A life checkup, check in.
Life is hard, friends. And you’re going to hear no probably more than you’ll hear yes. That doesn’t mean stop. That doesn’t mean quit. It means try again.
Life isn’t always this obvious, the glaring differences already between 2015 and 2016 are hard not to see. But at some point, you’re going to be going through something hard. That’s the way it goes, unfortunately.
Work hard.
Don’t stop.
Keep going.
It gets better.
You’ll earn better.
This morning, I got into my little car and drove to Starbucks to write this post on the computer that at one time I needed more than a car. Then I packed up my stuff, got back into my car, and drove to work; the job that saved our 2015.
Keep going.
You’re doing okay.
