The other day while I was running, Stand By You by Rachel Platton came on Pandora. I’ve heard it a hundred times before but barely listened to it. It’s catchy enough though it’s not really my cup of tea. After that run, I went home and bought the song on iTunes.
I had to stop myself from blasting it on repeat waiting for the husband to get home and screaming this is our new song at him when he walked through the door.
I think it’s the exact opposite of what is wrong with love and marriage these days. Because the truth is, we all expect our partners to always be the people we fell in love with but we don’t hold ourselves to that same standard.
When we are less than our best, we expect our partners to love us through it, to support us even when we’re a little bit crazy. But the second they stumble off the path to success, we get that irrational I can’t love someone like this feeling. I deserve better than this. They’re better than this. I can’t do this.
It’s not about you. It’s not about you at all. Sure, it’s hard for you to love someone through their storm. That’s never easy. But when you start to make it about you, you’ve already failed. You’ve already given up on them. And they need you. That’s why they picked you.
God designed us to be strong even when we feel like we can’t be. And sometimes that means being strong for someone else when they can’t be. That’s called marriage.
It’s easy to want to walk away when things aren’t easy. Duh. But you picked this person for life, for better or worse. It’s easy to see the good on that sunny day in your white dress. If it were easy to love someone through their storm, you wouldn’t have to make that promise in front of God and everyone who loves you, asking them to hold you accountable.
It’s when you finally stop thinking about yourself, about how all of this is affecting you that you experience real love. When you can sit down next to the person you love, even when they’ve forgotten who that person is, take their hand and give them your wings.
Because sometimes you have to be strong enough for the both of you. It doesn’t seem fair. It’s never easy. But it’s always worth it. Because let me tell you, when you come out the other side still holding hands? That’s when you experience the true magic of marriage.
And more miraculously so, they’ll do the same for you. They’ll love you when you’re unlovable. But it takes work and commitment and, gasp, sometimes putting yourself second.
It’s your job to always see the best in them, especially when they can’t. Because we all get a little lost sometimes. And that’s okay. That’s why we are partners. One takes the wheel, the other navigates. That’s just the way it works.
SO. DAMN. GOOD.
Exactly!! I feel the same way!! That song has really resonated with me too. =)
Hit the nail on the head with this one. I actually had a post very similar to this one up for next week! Getting ready to celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary. We have had a our fair share of bad times (really bad not a squabble about a power bill or grocery list) and my did they help us grow. xo Amanda
Love this!!! You are on point about what marriage is all about. Maybe if more people realized this there would not be as many people getting divorced. That song resonated with me too after I heard it for the first time. It definitely talks about what true love and loyalty is all about it. Thank you for sharing lady and I hope that you are doing well! 🙂
Truth. Enough said. 🙂
Beautifully and wonderfully said! This is EXACTLY what we've been talking about in a marriage Bible study we are in. And this is exactly something that is hard for me to hear because I am very guilty of not holding myself to the same *much too high standard I put on my husband. Thanks for the thoughtful Tuesday post!
Yes! This is such an important aspect of marriage that isn't talked about enough. Beautiful writing.
I always find myself belting that song in my car—and even though it's a more upbeat and catchy song, I think the lyrics are so powerful. Awesome and honest post, as always!
xoxo
Kat
I LOVE THIS POST!!!! As someone who is about to get married very soon, it's an awesome reminder about how marriage is supposed to work. We get so caught up in our own selfish ways that we do tend to forget that sometimes. I'm definitely guilty of that and I needed this reminder. Great song!
Yes! At our engaged encounter, we took away many things, but the number one thing we took away was "Love is a choice" You wake up and choose to love your partner, not matter what. It has helped us in many times, sometimes to diffuse some tension when one will just blurt out, I'm choosing to love you right now.
fabulous post girl. i'd not heard this song before so scuse me while i go listen. love the lyrics. and of course all your words too, so true. it's hard to remember sometimes, but everyone grows and changes and has bad moments. we expect acceptance when it's us, but when it's other people we freak out a bit lol.
This is so amazing!!!
Oh I love this Joey. We all go through hard times, but standing by the person you married, no matter how broken they are, is a true measure of love.
perfect words for today.
Love this!!!!! Last week, Chris got a raise. When he came home and told me about it he said…this is your raise too. You pushed me to be better. You believed in me and knew what I was capable of even when I couldn't see it. You have seen my at my absolute worst and you are always still there just loving me no matter what. And of course I started to tear up. I could hardly even say anything to him because it made me feel so loved and appreciated….and so damn proud of him. And so happy for him. And I told him that and all he could say was, be happy for us. And then I read your post and It all comes back!