by Joey | Jan 26, 2017 | Throwback
Comparing ourselves to others is practically served to us on a silver platter in this digital world. We have constant access to everyone’s highlight reel. We carry around a device that chirps and chimes, which studies have proven sends dopamine through our systems.
With every like and message, we receive the approval we so desperately seek. We ask people to follow us and like our page! Instead of feeling slight disappointment when we lose a follower, we question what’s wrong with me?
This topic has been talked to death, but I still feel like we’re missing a big piece of the puzzle. People often reminisce about the simpler times. But they’re forgetting one thing.
You’re in control of how you live your life.
While it’s unlikely we’ll ever go back to front porch sitting and land lines, you can set up your digital life to foster happiness.
Remember in middle school when your biggest concern was making sure you weren’t on the evil popular girl’s bad side? You didn’t need to be her friend, you just didn’t need for her to be your enemy.
Stop making approval the enemy in your life.
We seem to forget about the physical world directly in front of us. At any given moment, there are people around you. And those people choose to be near you, spend time wth you, and love you. And instead, we’re glued to these tiny devices full of our digital dopamine dealers.
We forget who and what matters. Instead of seeking the approval from the people in our lives who love us and are invested in our futures, we open that door open to the general public.
[ctt template=”4″ link=”naYgF” via=”yes” ]You are never going to make everyone happy. And in trying, you’ll make yourself miserable. @JoElizabeth[/ctt]
And that misery stems from our addiction to approval, from our inability to recognize that these momentary hits of dopamine aren’t actually improving our lives but instead hurting it.
Brene Brown has an excellent exercise for dragging yourself out of the approval addiction spiral.
- Cut out a 1 inch square of paper.
- Write down the names of the people whose opinions matter the most to you. Remember, you can only write as many fit on that piece of paper.
- Refer to it whenever you start to feel yourself spiraling.
It’s an incredible visual reminder that we are often so busy seeking approval from those who don’t even know us. I can assure you this exercise is not only grounding but inspiring. How many times have you been in the middle of working on a big project only to see that someone else is doing something similar? Or how often do you stop dead in your tracks, giving up before you’ve really even started, because of a critical comment someone made about your process?
This exercise reminds you of the people who actually matter. When you feel the need to seek approval, seek it from them, from the people who love you enough to be harsh when necessary but not for sport.
In totally unrelated news, welcome back to JoeyHodgesWrites.com. I’ll address this in a post coming soon!
by Joey | Jan 19, 2017 | Real Life
There’s never enough time in the day. We’re going going going from the time the alarm goes off until our heads hit the pillow. We’re always behind, and we’ll never catch up.
I don’t have time to relax!
Raise your hand if you’ve ever screamed those words out of frustration when someone encouraged you to calm down. ::Sheepishly raises hand::
It’s easy to fall into the routine of non-stop hustle. Actually, it becomes a habit. And whether you’ll admit it or not, breaking a habit is harder than we bloggers make it out to be.
CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN THREE EASY STEPS!
Bullshit!
Making relaxation a priority in your life means breaking the hustle habit. And it takes approximately 28 days to change a behavior. That means you have to consciously decide for twenty-eight days in a row that relaxation matters to you. Chances are, something will come up and derail those plans. Before you know it, you’re back to the hustle lifestyle.
I’m guilty of this. I’m constantly guilty of this. But I have a system in place for when things get really out of control. I’ve come to realize that we just don’t like having to make decisions. If you systemize the things that come the hardest to you, you might actually stick to them. They become habits, routines.
My shut down evening routine.
4-5PM. Shut down. I’m not great at this yet. In fact, I’m technically supposed to end my workday at 3 since I start at 7. I’m working on it. But I do try to be out of my office by 5PM.
Exercise. Since I work from home, I need something that transitions my day from working to relaxing. I usually go for a run, but I have recently re-introduced the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred into my life. This is my favorite part of my day. It clears my head and really helps transition my mind.
Shower. This is the key ingredient. Going through my shower routine in the evening actually signifies to my brain that it’s time to stop and relax. I let my hair air dry and I slater coconut oil all over my body. Everything is clean and fresh. I get into my pajamas at this time.
Prepare dinner. Jonathan has been getting experimental in the kitchen again lately which has been really fun. Sometimes I’ll have a beer or a glass of wine at this time. We’ve done a good job of actually preparing our meals and cleaning them up together. Once dinner is done, I set the coffee pot and turn off the kitchen lights, another indication that things are shutting down.
Wind down. Around 8:30, I start to relax my mind and body. I’ll set the tea pot and fix some Yogi Honey Lavender Stress Relief tea. Sometimes I’ll watch a show, but a lot of times lately I’ve tried to swap out extra screen time for a book. Call me a grandma, but this girl is usually in bed around 9.
TV time. I crawl into bed around 9. I know all the research out there says you shouldn’t dare watch TV to fall asleep, but I do and almost always have. FRIENDS or How I Met Your Mother (both shows I know well on the lowest volume even with my eyes closed).
Dedicate your evenings to relaxing.
The work can always get done tomorrow.
Intentionally taking the time to unwind and relax in the evenings will prepare you for the day that follows. You’d be amazed how much our habits feed off one another. If you’re running yourself ragged, you’ll feel it. And when you feel bad, everything suffers. Your mood, your productivity, and your relationships. Take time for yourself.
by Joey | Jan 16, 2017 | Advice
I have an anxious mind. It doesn’t take much for me to feel overwhelmed. And when I have so much to do, it paralyzes me instead of motivating me to be productive. There’s little hope once I’m in that state. It takes an impressive force to pull me from that black hole of fear and unproductively.
Ironically, productivity makes me happy. So, when I feel myself spiraling into that dark pit of despair, I know it’s time to get myself organized.
The feeling of “scarcity” is a trigger for my anxiety. And in this type of situation, time feels scarce.
I’ll never be able to get everything done.
So, to get a clear visual grasp on things, I lay everything out. It’s hard to get a tangible understanding of something when it’s just floating around in your head.
Have you ever been chatting with a friend and you start to rattle off allllllll the many things you have to get done?
That alone can perpetuate the feeling of unrest. It all goes back to the story we tell ourselves. If we go around believing we don’t have enough time or that we have too much to do, it’s more likely to be true.
What I use to get & stay organized:
The Happy Planner. When Chelsea introduced this to me sometime last year, I swooned immediately. My number one issue with planners is that they don’t always suit me exactly. You can customize this one any time you want with different inserts. Better yet, you can buy the hole puncher and make your own inserts!
How I use it: Pretty much in every way possible. I use the monthly calendar to map things out (content, events, possible projects). I use the weekly calendar to see my week at a glance. And a good friend designed a daily insert for me that I use to specifically map out my days.
Scheduling things out eliminates that feeling of no time. Seeing when the work will get done helps me breathe easy.
Journal (Markings by C.R. Gibson). I used to journal all the time when I was growing up. But back then blogs didn’t exist, so I guess it was my way of writing daily. What I didn’t realize is that it was a coping mechanism for my anxiety. Journaling gave me the opportunity for a daily brain dump. I didn’t carry around unnecessary thoughts.
How I use it. Just as you’d imagine, I use this however I feel like I need to in any given moment. Like for notes during my morning Daily Hope podcast session. Or as a place to work out how I feel about a situation. Sometimes I use it as prayer, when I can’t quite articulate what’s on my heart. I even use it for future planning to flesh out ideas.
iCal. As a pen and paper kind of girl, I was super resistant to go digital. I wasn’t exactly sure how it would fit into my life. I do not reach for my phone or computer naturally to plan things out. But I was also starting to find that: 1) I didn’t always have my paper planner on me and/or 2) that I didn’t want to take the time to pull it out during a quick conversation. When I started to double book myself, I knew something had to change.
How I use it. My paper planner is where I do all my planning. Something about sitting down with a pen and a blank week or month is cathartic to me. Once I have everything mapped out, I transfer it into my iCal for quick reference. While this may seem like an unnecessary step (and for some of you, it might be), this is just how my brain operates. I recognized my strengths and weaknesses and adjusted accordingly. This system works great for me. Using my iCal also allows for me to quickly add in a meeting or event while out and about rather than whipping out the paper planner. This way, nothing falls through the cracks.
Staying on top of everything helps me feel in control of my time. Just like some people can’t work unless their surroundings are clean, I can’t work unless my mind is clean. Organizing thoughts might be a strange concept, but it’s a powerful one.
How do you organize your mind?
by Joey | Jan 12, 2017 | Advice, Real Life
I worked myself into a tizzy on Tuesday. The paperwork for our apartment sublet was officially signed which I’ve been anticipating for weeks now. But for some reason, it tossed me into a downward spiral. I like plans and clarity. Definites and stability. And now, suddenly, come hell or high water, we have to be out of our apartment, our home, by February 1st.
You guys, I did this. I started this. I prayed for this. But without my permission, the fear crept in and before I could step in to intervene the anxiety gripped hold of my heart, and I found myself in full-blown panic mode. I spent the whole day unproductive, obsessively searching for a house for rent by owner.
I got it in my head that I hated every property management company in Charlotte. Their reviews are awful and they have too many hoops to jump through. Whatever happened to just checking to see that we aren’t criminals, checking our credit, taking our money and handing us keys? Also—what’s with all the hidden/surprise fees? And whatever happened to a security deposit just being the equivalent to one month’s rent (which is a heck of a lot of money if you’re not familiar with the Charlotte housing market)? Apparently it’s “policy” in Charlotte for a security deposit to be AT MINIMUM 1.25X one month’s rent. GULP.
See? I have a special talent for going from OMG EVERYTHING IS GREAT to FULL. BLOWN. PANIC. in .2 seconds flat.
Our minds are the most important and powerful tool we’ve got. But when used incorrectly, just like a gun or a car or medication, it can be totally destructive. Our minds have an impressive capability to jump to the worse case scenario.
If I collected all the moments I’ve spent worrying about something in anticipation that turned out to be just fine, I’d probably get a few years of my life back.
I’m a professional worrier.
My husband got home and I downloaded all the information about the day. He gave me a sheepish grin.
ME: What?
HIM: I can’t drive my car.
ME: What? Why?
HIM: The brakes have gone bad.
Great. Just what we need. Another problem. Another expensive problem. Another wrench in the plan.
At the end of the day, I was stressed, anxious, and completely exhausted. I hadn’t accomplished anything productive. Defeated, I prayed before drifting to sleep.
Lord, I pray for clarity. Please relieve my anxious heart and change my perspective to gratefulness.
I woke up on Wednesday completely at peace. I knew which house to apply for. Jonathan was able to take my car, and I thankful that my company affords me the flexibility to work remotely and take meetings virtually. We ordered the parts for his car, grateful he’s mechanically inclined.
You guys, it’s all about the story you tell yourself about your circumstances. Are things kind of shit right now? Of course they are. We’re staring at the great unknown. Car troubles are annoying and expensive. And we’re recognizing the one year anniversary of my father’s death (1/11). Things. Are. Hard.
But when I shifted my perspective, my attitude changed to gratitude (sorry, I had to). The truth is, it is what it is. And it will be what it will be. And will will be fine. We’re always fine. My anxiety and worry will not change our circumstances. It’s all in God’s hands, and I trust his plan for our life.
He’s never let us down before. And though my trust in Him wavers from time to time (I’m human), that trust is what allows for me to find happiness and gratefulness in times of trial.
Changing your perspective, changing the story you tell yourself, has the power to transform your life. It’s easy to slip into the downward spiral. It happens. The next time it happens to you, stop. Breathe. Refocus. And Trust.
Take five minutes and try to see the good in your situation. I know this sounds cliche, but there is good in everything. If you’re experiencing a downward spiral, actually stop what you’re doing and physically write down the good.
And suddenly, everything will change.
by Joey | Jan 9, 2017 | Advice
My morning routine is sacred. I learned early on that unless I make self-care a priority first thing in the morning, chances are I won’t take care of myself at all.
Did you know that the first seven minutes of your morning determine your mood for the entire day? Because of that fact, I actually made some significant changes to my morning routine recently.
Like most people, I would grab my phone first thing. I’d find myself mindlessly scrolling social media without really connecting with anything I was seeing for nearly an hour. Also, Myra, my business partner and bff, lives in Amsterdam. By time I wake up, she’s already been awake and working for 6ish hours. Without fail, I’d see a work notification on my phone right when I went to turn off my alarm, and that was it. Despite Myra in no way expecting a response from me until I “log in” at 7AM, I’d send over a quick reply. From sleeping to working in .025 seconds. No bueno.
I’ll be honest, submerging myself in social media first thing would leave me feeling empty, jealous, or down right annoyed. What an awesome attitude to start the day with. I found myself hitting snooze more than I liked. Unintentionally, I started to let my mornings slip away from me. I felt unmotivated, agitated, and unproductive.
So I decided to refocus my mornings, which really starts with something I do from the night before.
Before I go to bed, I put my phone on airplane mode.
My Morning Routine:
5:30 AM: The alarm goes off. I hit play on the episode of Rick Warren’s Daily Hope podcast that I would have made sure to download the night before. I get out of bed and get my cup of coffee. I usually sit at the kitchen counter with my coffee while I listen to the episode.
Making quiet time with God a priority first thing in the morning helps me maintain a grateful and positive attitude throughout the day.
6:00AM: Me time. I give myself about 45 minutes to do whatever I want. This typically includes journaling, reading blogs, and/or watching youtube videos. Since I was in HS, I’ve allotted myself time to ease into my day. Rushing stresses me out.
6:45 AM: Get ready. I shower at night, so I quickly splash some makeup on my face and figure something out with my hair. Remember: I work from home, so I don’t always put in the most effort here unless I have a meeting.
7:00AM: Log on. This is when I take my phone off of airplane mode. I log in to Slack and Asana and check in with Myra. At this point, I start my workday.
Starting my day without immediately being plugged in has made all the difference. Since I don’t take my phone off airplane mode until it’s time to work, I spend less time on social media as a whole. As a result, my mood is much less affected by outside forces and instead I’m able to maintain joy from within.
How do you start your day? Do you have a morning routine that you stick to? Share any tips below on how you start your day positively!
