What I learned from accidentally quitting social media
I’d been toying with the thought for a while. I just feel like I need a break, I confessed to a few friends. My head felt full but empty at the same time, exhausted without exerting effort. My energy would slowly drain throughout the day with every Instagram login, my supply suddenly depleted before I ever tapped out a single word in my manuscript.
I just need a day, I told my Life Group. One day, a true sabbath. I’ve been inspired for years to honor a true sabbath, ever since Nancy Ray shared that she honors one religiously back in my early years of blogging (we’re talking like, 2011? Hi Nancy!). But I’ve never committed to it. We chatted about what a sabbath might look like for each of us–all Millennials attached to our technology and the concept of never stopping. And I knew above all else that a sabbath for me would involve a day away from social media.
So I picked a Sunday and gave myself a break. Because I looked at it that way rather than quitting, I had no trouble sticking to the task. I wanted this, after all. Regardless, the urge was still present. Every so often, I’d find myself reaching for my phone, thumb instinctively aiming for the Instagram app. Consciously, I’d shut myself down. Not today. As the day continued, the urge remained present but I noticed it wasn’t partnered with desire. A habit with no joy attached. Shame.
The next morning, I felt better; refreshed. Huh, that wasn’t so hard I realized. I wonder if I can keep the streak going. Internally, I decided to give it a go for another day. And then another. And then before I knew it, a month had passed. I never missed it. Eventually, the urge went away. And in the end, I learned a lot about myself and the drug that is social media.
You can lose yourself.
I joke with my husband that he has no original thoughts. If you’ve hung out with him for more than five minutes you’ll know that 95% of what comes out of his mouth is a quote from a movie. But I started to find that I, too, lacked original thoughts after a while. I could no longer identify which thoughts were my own and which ones I’d picked up, adopted along the way. Did I really have this opinion about something, or did I see someone else share their’s and I just adopted it? Did I really want that new bag? Or did someone else tell me I need it? I lost the ability to simply admire. It’s way easier to adopt someone else’s opinions than to form your own. And I’d fallen into the laziness trap. Instead of deciding what to think, how to feel, and what to buy, I allowed social media to dictate all of that for me. And in the end, I became a mindless robot devoid of my personality.
Idle time is not the enemy.
Standing in line at Moe’s. Stopped at a stoplight. Waiting at the mechanic. Moments of idle silence are everywhere–except we instantly fill them with the noise of social media. We don’t ever allow our brains the chance to idle; to think thoughts. For me, social media became my idle time numbing drug of choice; an easily accessible weapon against feelings.
Silence is uncomfortable, and it seems we’ve all lost the ability to endure it. We use our phones as a forcefield, removing ourselves from the world around us. Avoid eye contact. Look unavailable. Unapproachable. Connect to disconnect. It’s a sickness.
It’s no secret I’ve had a rough few years. And I’ll admit it, I used social media in idle moments in an attempt to fill the space as to not allow feelings to rise to the surface. But it’s in those idle moments that you find clarity and healing. Put your phone down and observe the world. Think your thoughts. Feel the feelings.
Following is not connecting.
I felt looped in. And I expected others to be looped in on my life, too. It seems there’s a level of unnecessary responsibility attached to social media consumption. Have you ever felt annoyed when someone asked how your weekend went? Shouldn’t they already know if they follow you on social media?
I took a break from Facebook for many years several years back. My favorite part of it was having real, engaged conversations with my mother. Like most moms, she’d use our phone calls to fill me in on all the goings-on. “Did you see so-and-so got married?” No, I didn’t, because I’m not on Facebook. So instead, she’d actually get to tell me about it.
There was an unintentional and surprising side effect of my social media detox. Little by little, I started making real connections with friends again. Either I would text them or they’d text me to check in. One friend sends me a weekly recap of pictures she’s posted on social and then we get to have real conversations about them. This has been my favorite part of my time away. I feel like my friends are my friends again in real life.
We all feel connected because we see what’s going on in each other’s lives. But do not be fooled. Social Media cannot and should not be used to replace real connections. Check in with your friends. Let them know you’re interested in their lives. Have conversations. Meet up for coffee or hop on a phone call. Following is not connecting.
The mental and emotional loads are real.
All that consumption takes a toll on your mental and emotional well-being. Carrying around everyone else’s thoughts, opinions, and complaints can get overwhelmingly heavy. It can have an effect on you. I became toxic. Filled to the brim, everything would just come seeping out. Thoughts, opinions, complaints–most of which weren’t even really mine would spill from my mouth without warning, filling the space around me with poison. It became unbearable–but I couldn’t find the source. I thought I was just miserable–turns out, you become what you consume.
Additionally, I lost control over what I allowed into my mental and emotional space. With every login, we’re ambushed with information we weren’t prepared to find. In true conversations, friends often warn you if they’re about to deliver unsettling news. IRL, those who care about you may filter their conversations in an attempt to spare your feelings. But on social media, nothing and everything is meant for you. It can get exhausting.
Comparison paralyzes.
There are a lot of things I want to do. A lot. And there are probably a lot of things you want to do but you don’t. I’d be willing to bet that part of the reason you haven’t started is because you know someone else out there is already doing what you want to do. And chances are, they’re doing it better than you–at least in your opinion. So you think why bother.
This is not okay. Someone once told me that what someone else is doing has nothing to do with me. And yet, we work our hardest to take everything personally. Do what you want to do and forget what everyone else is doing. As cheesy as it sounds, there is no one else out there like you. And no one else out there can or will do what you want to do the way you’re going to do it. So just freaking do it already.
It’s over; but it’s not over.
I’ve officially been off of all social media platforms for one month. This is not nor will it be permanent, it can’t be–not with my job (you probably found this blog post from a social media post…oh the irony…). But I’ve made a vow to myself to change my relationship with social media–and maybe you can, too. In my line of work, social media is a necessary tool. But it can be just that, a tool.
Instead of filling my idle time with mindless scrolling, I can implement intentional social media blocks. Instead of allowing myself to be ambushed with information, I can curate my feed. Instead of using social media as a crutch for connection, I can take what I see on my friend’s profiles and use it to deepen our one-on-one connection.
I hate to sound all dramatic, but removing myself from social media for the last month changed my life. And while I won’t stay away from it, I’m thankful for the shift in perspective. It was completely necessary. I was heading down a dark path, and I had no idea social media was partly to blame.
It’s our responsibility to take control of our lives. And I really believe everyone should take a step away from social media at some point. You’ll learn so much about yourself, how you operate, what’s important to you. And hey, if you do step away, I’d like to stay connected with you! Drop me a line and tell me how it goes for you, okay?
