by Joey | Mar 19, 2018 | Joyful by Design, Real Life
Stop making yourself small. Stop holding yourself back. Stop selling yourself short. This life you’re living? It’s yours. All yours. You get to decide what you want to do with it. You have the power and the ability to do anything you want. Stop believing that voice inside your head that’s saying you’re not good enough.
What’s that thing you want? You know the one–the one you keep dismissing. You don’t have time. You don’t know how. You’re worried people will judge you. Stop the excuses. Your life isn’t up to anyone but you. And you want to know something? People will judge until they see you succeed, and then they’ll wish they did it too.
Maybe people have said things to you, joking or not, that have stuck with you. Maybe you’ve made mistakes and don’t believe you deserve the kind of life you want. Maybe you aren’t sure you can do it. Maybe, if you’re anything like how I used to be, you truly believe that everyone else just gets to have the things you want. Not you.
A bit of a confession? I’ve been in counseling the last several months. With a big push from those who love me the most, I stumbled into a warm, peaceful office with a giant white couch. It looked strangely similar to the kind of therapist’s office you’d see on TV–but somehow that felt comforting to me.
I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last few months. But most importantly? I learned that I have a tendency to make decisions that ultimately protect and serve the needs and feelings of others over myself. Now, that’s not me tooting my own horn here and saying omg look how selfless I am. In fact, quite the opposite. Though that might sound like a decent quality to have, it’s actually one of the main issues my therapist and I are working on. Do you know what happens when you put everyone, and I mean literally everyone first before yourself? Bad things, friends. Bad things.
You end up living inside of decisions that make you a little bit miserable. And then you start resenting the very things you were doing to quote unquote “help someone else.” You end up designing a life for yourself based on what other people need from you. Based on what you think you need to be for other people. And while that might sound noble in your head, stop.
The truth is friend, we can’t change what’s gone on in our pasts. We can’t get that time back. But what we can do is stop beating ourselves up about it and stop wasting the time we have now.
Every single morning, you’re offered a beautiful fresh batch of hours to do anything you want with. Now, sure. Some of those may be dedicated to a day job. Bills have to get paid. This isn’t me telling you to skirt off and knock off on all of your responsibilities. No. But what you can do is be more intentional with the time you have. And you can most certainly stop wasting time doubting yourself or limiting yourself.
Listen to me. Doing what is right for you, even if that means disappointing people in the process, isn’t comfortable. It’s a hard cycle to break. But taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. Stop minimizing yourself to make those around you more comfortable. That has got to stop.
If you’re someone that’s been nodding along with this post internally screaming A-M-E-N, I wish I could grab you by the shoulders, look you in the eye, and tell you we can do this together. Because living your life for everyone else is effing exhausting. Trust me, you don’t want to get to the point of a nervous breakdown only to then find yourself sat on a couch telling some stranger with a clipboard that your life’s a mess. (Though, if you are at that point, please go talk to someone. There is absolutely zero shame in getting the help you need. I wish I hadn’t waited so long.)
Just stop the BS and start living.
I stopped with the BS and finally found the courage to have my YA novel released in print! You can pre-order a signed copy HERE!
by Joey | Mar 16, 2018 | Creative Entrepreneur
It’s Friday. Thank God, right? I’m 100% on the struggle bus this morning after foolishly trying to reintroduce the 5AM wake-up habit the week of Daylight Savings Time. Seriously, what is wrong with me? I’m already dreaming of climbing into bed tonight at 8PM happy as a clam. #judgenot
Since it’s Friday, I thought it was a good time to encourage you to reflect on your week. How’d it go? What were your wins? Where do you feel like you could have done better? Are you still left with a crazy long todo list because the week was total mayhem? Sadly, that’s been me on more than one occasion. And a trend I noticed about those weeks that left me feeling overwhelmed & underproductive is that on those weeks, I went in on defense, not offense.
Uh, Joey. What? We’re talking about our work weeks here, not football.
I know, I know. But here’s the deal. I want you to think back over your week and tell me if you think you handled it defensively or offensively. Did you let things come in at you every which way, totally derailing any promise of true productivity? Or did you go in not with just an action plan but with the necessary boundaries in place to get your shit done?
Listen, having a todo list is great. In fact, I’m a big fan of any kind of list. Seriously, give me all the pens and notebooks and planners and all the things.
But what if I told you having a todo list is only one step in a multi-step process to productivity?
Knowing what you need to do is half the battle. But you also need to know when you’re going to do it. And you need to protect that time.
Boundaries you need to protect your productivity:
Keep your planning time sacred. (Always, no matter what.)
The biggest mistake I used to make was that I allowed my planning time to get bumped off my todo list. In fact, anything that could be deemed “preparation” or “organization” would often times get the nix when the client requests would start rolling in. While I liked preparing, planning and organizing, I was easily convinced that it was a waste of time. It is absolutely necessary to plan, prepare and organize your week if you want to go into your week on the offense.
This time is as non-negotiable as a client proposal or presentation. Treat it as such. Make a date with yourself and show up. This is a great opportunity to take yourself to your favorite coffee shop or cafe and plug some headphones in. This doesn’t have to be during the week, either. I do my planning for the week on Saturday mornings. This might sound crazy—but it’s relaxing to me and allows for me to enjoy the rest of my weekend knowing the week ahead is mapped out.
Set appointments with yourself. (And keep them.)
Okay, remember that todo list we talked about? Here’s where that comes back into play. Every task on your to-do list is just a wish until you give it a designated space on your calendar. Just like you would schedule out a client meeting or doctor’s appointment, you’re going to do the same thing for every task on your list. You and your team need to get to a place of understanding that scheduled time on your calendar is untouchable.
Understandably, some level of flexibility is to be expected here. But reserve flexibility for when it’s absolutely necessary. Set boundaries around your scheduled appointment times with whomever you share your calendar with. Make sure they understand to treat blocked off project time just the same as they would a client intake meeting.
Do what works for you. (And don’t let anyone bully you into abandoning your methods.)
I am an enormous believer in the theory that you should always be learning, and you should always be willing to try new things. But when it comes to something as personal and important as productivity, you have to do what works for you. Someone may tell you they have a better method for you—definitely give it a try if it sounds appealing–but here’s the deal. What I’ve come to learn is if you don’t stick with what works for you, you’ll lose your productivity.
Sure, there may be better methods for efficiency, but that’s a different conversation. I have to listen to instrumental music while I work to keep my momentum going. You may have to listen to Hard Rock. In fact, I have a friend in town right now, and we’re co-working in my little office as I type this out. She straight up told me my music would put her to sleep. What works for one may not work for another. Feel out your own methods and stick to your guns.
Shut down distractions. (All of them. I mean it.)
I know. You’re glued to your phone. Every email is important. Every phone call could be business changing. I get it. But guess what else is business changing? Getting your work done and not feeling like you’re about to have a nervous breakdown. Shut. The. Distractions. Down. Put your phone on DND and place it in another room.
Close out your email. If you have a Mac—you can put your computer on DND, too. (Click the taskbar looking icon in the top right corner and select Notifications. Scroll all the way to the top and select Do Not Disturb.) Another great option here is a program called Cold Turkey. I know I’m not the only one tempted by all the socials when I’m supposed to be focused on a task. Cold Turkey is great because it’ll block out certain apps or websites for a period of time that you select without shutting down your internet browser altogether.
Say no.
We’ve all heard it before: every invitation is an opportunity. But guess what. Not every opportunity is meant for you at every moment. If you’re already teetering on the brink of capacity, say no. You can do it in such a way that keeps the door open—but saying yes to something when you’re already overloaded really isn’t doing anyone—especially yourself—any favors. This is another reason scheduling your tasks into your calendar is important. It helps give you a visualization of how much time you actually have. When the calendar is filled up—it’s time to amp up the boundaries.
What are some of your favorite methods for productivity? Comment below!
by Joey | Mar 12, 2018 | Real Life
Have you ever held on to something that no longer felt right in your life because it was once either really important or served a meaningful purpose? Maybe you’re still holding on. Maybe there’s someone in your life who once rescued you from a dark period who has since turned toxic and negative. Maybe your job, which swooped in at just the right time and saved you from an eviction now feels like it’s sucking the life out of you.
Whatever the situation might be, take comfort in knowing that you are certainly not alone. I’ve come to find that we all hold on to things which have long since served their purpose because at one point they were important. We stick around due to loyalty. We try to continue to force puzzle pieces into places they no longer fit. We think if we move on, we’re somehow discrediting a special season in our lives. But the truth is, not everything or everyone is meant to be a long-term player in your life.
Lifeboats are meant to be temporary transportation.
They are built to carry you from danger to a point of safety.
You are not supposed to unpack and live in your lifeboat. You’re not supposed to drag it out of the water and carry it with you into whatever chapter of your life comes next. You’re supposed to appreciate it for what it was, be thankful for it, and move on.
Letting go of the lifeboats in my life has been hard. I left a job a couple of years ago that quite literally saved my family. When I think back to the moment I sat across from my boss in that first in-person interview, I get teary-eyed because I know God put me there in that moment to save me. And only 18 months later, I sat across from that same boss sobbing, explaining that it was time for me to move on. That lifeboat scooped me up in my time of need and delivered me safely into a new season of my life. And it was important to cut it loose in order to evolve, learn, and grow.
Walking away from something doesn’t mean you didn’t appreciate it. It doesn’t mean you didn’t enjoy it. And it certainly doesn’t mean you don’t love it. But if we all unpacked and lived forever in the boats that were only ever meant to be temporary transport, think how much we’d miss out on.
Life is about seasons. And the older I get, the more I learn to appreciate each season for what is. I had a friend tell me once when I was in college that every year would go by quicker than the one before it. Each year we live is a smaller percentage of our life than the year before. So it only makes sense that the seasons in our adult lives seem to pass much quicker than those from our childhood.
These days, seasons seem to end so abruptly that it can leave us bewildered and short of breath. And before we know it, we’re sailing along in a lifeboat towards a season we didn’t see coming. And while it can be tough to find our footing as we step carefully from that lifeboat, take comfort in knowing you’ve just been delivered to safety.
by Joey | Mar 9, 2018 | Creative Entrepreneur
It’s likely true that at some point in your career you’ve boasted about being a fantastic multitasker on a resume or in an interview. I did. It was my number one crowning achievement, or so I thought. My ability to handle all the things at any given moment is what landed me management positions. And it’s still true to this day–I am a fantastic multitasker. I just choose not to do it anymore. Once the truth about multitasking was revealed to me, I quit cold turkey. And today, I’m going to share that perspective shattering truth with you.
But Joey, entrepreneurs have to multitask.
What if I told you that is untrue? What if I told you that multitasking may actually be the reason you still feel unproductive and unfulfilled when you lay your head down at night? Well, that’s what I’m telling you. Multitasking is actually counterintuitive to productivity. While you may feel that every single thing needs your attention at any given moment, you’ll actually find that you’re far more productive when you give one individual task and/or project your undivided, focused attention.
Managing multiple on-going projects simultaneously and multitasking are not the same thing.
Webster’s dictionary defines Multitasking as such; the performance of multiple tasks at one time. Think: answering the phone, finishing off an email, and signing for a package all at the same time.
Handling multiple on-going projects simultaneously means you are able to adequately manage your time to devote focused attention to see each project through to a successful completion.
Multitasking requires split focus. Split focus typically results in careless errors that require you to essentially do the work twice. This is not an efficient use of time, and it is certainly not something worth boasting about on a resume. When this was brought to my attention, I realized that while I could multitask, I didn’t like multitasking. Multitasking is closely related to overwhelm, and tell me–who performs well when they’re overwhelmed? Not me.
Now, managing multiple projects at simultaneously? Sign me up all day long! Many of you are likely obsessively organized people like myself. I nerd out over planners and project management software. I can dissect multiple projects into easy to manage, productive tasks in my sleep. Now that’s something to boast about.
So before you beat yourself up the next time you feel compelled to turn off your phone and simply focus on the task at hand, remind yourself of this little multitasking fact. While it’s great that you’re willing to handle all the things, you don’t have to do them all at once. In fact, it’s better if you don’t.
So take a sigh of relief, and maybe remove multitasking from your resume. 😉
If, as an entrepreneur, you still feel like your business cannot and would not function without multitasking, consider my boundary boss coaching sessions or the boundary boss coaching program. I’ll help you ditch the multitasking compulsion no problem!
by Joey | Mar 7, 2018 | Writing
When I was sixteen, I penned a promise to myself in my journal. I’ll never forget what it feels like to be a teenager. This promise was the product of feeling misunderstood and dismissed by the adults in my life. I don’t blame the adults. You see, there’s this thing that happens as you grow up. Your world changes, shifts. The things that were once OMG SO IMPORTANT suddenly seem petty and silly. The real world slaps you in the face. Mortgages and health insurance are obviously much more important than who’s talking to who(m–for all you grammar nerds out there).
But here’s the deal. Yes, your mortgage is important. If you don’t pay it, you’ll lose your house. Then you’ll have to move in with your mother and she’ll likely try to feed you sandwiches morning, noon and night. But to a teenager, the things they’re going through are their entire world. Luckily, a teenager doesn’t have to worry about a mortgage. But to them, when a friend isn’t speaking to them, or rumors are flying around, their entire world shifts on its axis. And having the adults in their lives minimize or dismiss what feels very real to them is not helpful.
Despite that promise, I forgot. I nannied for a family with older children just as I was approaching my thirtieth birthday. I thought to myself, this will be cake. I was still young enough that I thought that alone made me cool. Wrong. I promised myself on my first day that I would always do my best to see things from the oldest’s perspective; to make her feel heard and understood. She was finishing out middle school, the battleground. But I was busy trying to keep things together. Managing a busy family of 6, one kid needed to get to soccer practice, another was fighting with a friend, and dinner still had to get made. Suddenly, I had much less headspace for middle school drama. Sadly, I soon discovered few adults are immune to this phenomenon.
I wrote the first draft of Yeah, maybe when I was 22; high school and all those emotions still fresh on my mind. But when I started the revision mission nearly five years later, I relied heavily on my faithful journals to capture the heart and mind of a young girl.
I wrote the book for teenagers. But the adult response surprised me.
The reviews that flooded Amazon took me by surprise. Many reviewers, well into their adulthood, claimed it brought them right back to the halls of their high school. A timeless story that’s relatable no matter what decade you attended high school.
I get asked a lot why I want to write Young Adult books. I’ve always just answered that I have a soft spot for teenagers. Like most people, high school was a hard time for me. I felt alone a lot of the time and completely misunderstood. I wish I’d read more books back then that made me feel less alone. It’s especially important to me to write the kinds of characters teenagers can relate to and look up to. I want to offer them role models they can depend on when everything else felt like it it’s going to crap.
But upon further reflection, I discovered another reason I write Young Adult novels.
While simultaneously helping teenagers feel less alone, I could give adults a momentary glimpse back into those four walls of rumor mill and drama. I could reawaken the awareness of how unfair things feel by putting adults back into the mind of a teenager and making them care about that particular character. It’s my hope by continuing to publish Young Adult novels that I can help bridge the gap between parents around the world and their teenagers.
Feeling something is much more effective than knowing or hearing. When the reader feels those familiar pangs of hurt, disappointment, and unfairness they understand on a whole new level.
Adults often feel embarrassed about wanting to read Young Adult books. They’re fun, easy, often fast reads that stir up nostalgia. But maybe now, parents, teachers, caretakers, nannies, big sisters and brothers can feel more empowered to partake in the leisure activity knowing it can help them connect on a deeper level with the teenagers they love.
What Young Adult book have you read recently that’s offered you a new perspective on teenage life?
I’m excited to announce that Yeah, maybe is finally available for pre-order in paperback! All pre-orders will be signed copies!
