by Joey | Feb 25, 2016 | Throwback
When my Camry died, I was knee deep in Yeah, Maybe revisions on a computer that was 7 years old and barely functioning. Everyone was telling me I needed to get a car. I decided it was more important to get a new computer.
So after Yeah, Maybe was published (that’s right, you guys, I published the book using a computer that would crash on me every 20 minutes–stop making excuses), I rewarded myself with a brand new Macbook Pro. A huge investment for an unemployed writer, but it seemed more useful to me at the time than a new car. I worked from home. My husband’s job was less than a mile from our house. Do you see what I mean?
Overtime, a car seemed a little more necessary. My dad wasn’t driving much anymore, so my mom very kindly lent me hers. It served its purpose nicely. I mostly used it to travel to their house–something that was hugely necessary during The Great Tree Fight of 2014.
But then the rug got pulled out from under us. We didn’t expect to leave Campbell. We had no intentions of leaving our little (very inexpensive) house. Meaning we had no plan. Moves are expensive, especially when one of us hadn’t exactly been making a stable income for two years.
We entered 2015 scared silly. We had no money. No plan. No prospects. Nothing. We relied heavily on God and family. We trusted our instincts which took us to Charlotte. We picked an apartment less than two miles from my job, where a car would be provided while I was at work. I had it all worked out, I’d get a bike and uber to work when the weather was bad.
Don’t be ridiculous, my parents said. The car is just sitting in the driveway. Thank you.
The year continued. We got knocked down a couple times. We made mistakes. We failed. We started the year in last place and kept falling behind. Y’all. Shit. Was. Hard.
“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly.”
-T. Roosevelt
We stayed the course. We stopped, backed up, tried again. We kept pushing forward. We stood up, face covered in mud, streaked by tears, and kept going.
I drove my mom’s car for the entirety of 2015: accepting the help that was offered, something my pride was allergic to. But I couldn’t do it alone. There’s nothing more sobering than looking at your life and realizing you can’t save yourself.
So when I was sitting in that dealership signing my life away a couple weeks ago, it was a reality check. A life checkup, check in.
Life is hard, friends. And you’re going to hear no probably more than you’ll hear yes. That doesn’t mean stop. That doesn’t mean quit. It means try again.
Life isn’t always this obvious, the glaring differences already between 2015 and 2016 are hard not to see. But at some point, you’re going to be going through something hard. That’s the way it goes, unfortunately.
Work hard.
Don’t stop.
Keep going.
It gets better.
You’ll earn better.
This morning, I got into my little car and drove to Starbucks to write this post on the computer that at one time I needed more than a car. Then I packed up my stuff, got back into my car, and drove to work; the job that saved our 2015.
Keep going.
You’re doing okay.
by Joey | Feb 24, 2016 | Throwback
I’m all for anything that makes life seem a little easier these days. In the last 12 months, my life has done a full 180, and I’ll be honest in saying that 90% of the time it all feels like too much.
I adored my Fitbit Flex. I wore it religiously. I raved about it. And the truth is, I still love the Fitbit franchise. But a few months before Christmas, I started to finally feel what the Flex was lacking. I needed a screen. I needed a watch. And life would be that much easier if I could screen calls from my wrist. So the Charge HR went right onto my Christmas list.
And I got it.
And I loved it.
Except…
Then I found myself thinking how much easier life would be if I could screen my texts from my wrist. My day job does not involve a desk. And communication is the #1 priority at my job. Things change on a dime. My tasks and duties are communicated through text. Schedules change on a whim. I just found myself needing something…more.
Things I was concerned about:
- As “plugged in” as I might seem, I take disconnection seriously. I don’t like being glued to my devices. I was worried it would make me feel too connected.
- The size/weight/appearance. I’m extremely picky about wearing stuff on my wrists. I’ve always found bracelets/watches/etc uncomfortable. The Fitbit franchise worked wonderfully for me because they are perfectly designed to be lightweight. I wasn’t sure the Apple Watch would be.
- Is it even really that necessary? It’s a pretty sizable investment (especially when you actually end up paying $1000 at the end of the day–but hey, that was just me), and I was pretty convinced it was another Apple marketing ploy making me believe I just had to have it.
The Truth:
Plugged In? Yes. You’re plugged in. But for some bizarre reason, I find it actually relieving. The text “glance” feature has saved everything for me. I am always in the middle of doing something at work–so getting the little tap and being able to glance at the text (the whole text) from my wrist without 1) showing the read receipt and 2) stopping what I’m doing has been crucial for me. It allows for me to make an educated decision about the urgency of the text. If it’s conversational, I’ll get to it. If it’s a task coming in from my bosses, I’m able to select a quick “ok” (or any other appropriate reply) from the pre-loaded responses.
- NOTE: I do not have all of the alerts set up. That would drive me absolutely insane. The only notifications I get “tapped” for are texts and calendar events that I have reminders set up for.
Size/Weight/Appearance. Turns out this was a total nonissue for me. It’s very lightweight and perfectly designed to the point that a lot of times I forget I’m wearing it until I get tapped. I’m a person that cares much more about functionality and comfort in my wardrobe to care if it “looks” cool, but I like the way it looks. I have the rose gold & lavender one, and I’m in love.
Is It Really Even Necessary? No. This is a luxury item. But it has proven itself as seriously important in my world. WHY? Well, I’ll tell yah.
How I Use It:
I use it very simplistically. I know I haven’t even BEGUN to tap into all the fancy features. But it serves my needs this way without leaving me feeling overwhelmed. Instead, it feels like the assistant I’ve always needed.
- Watch: Because, well, duh. Everything at my day job is time sensitive. I have pick ups and drop offs sprinkled throughout my busy day. I have set, repeating alarms, that remind me when it’s time to stop what I’m doing to go pick up a kid. Trust me, it’s easy for time to get away from you, and kids get pretty pissed if you forget to pick them up
- Calendar: Did you hear me? Let me repeat it. CALENDAR!!! I’ve admitted more than once that I’ve become heavily reliant on my iCal. I absolutely love that I can see my next appointment on my watch face (these are customizable, so you don’t HAVE to see them, but this is the #1 feature that makes my life so much easier). It lets me me know where I need to be next, when, what I need to do/bring/have. I’m telling you–this watch is the assistant I’ve always needed.
- Notifications. I don’t have my phone on me 99% of the time. Aside from allowing me to glance at my texts (which prevents me from having to STOP what I’m doing to make sure the text that comes through isn’t important), it also allows me to see if it’s another stupid google website telemarketer calling or if it’s my Mom. Again, it helps prevent me from stopping what I’m doing to check my phone. I love this.
- Fitness Tracker. I haven’t tapped into this one as much as I’d like–but it DOES have a ton of options for tracking fitness. As a general, daily activity tracker, it does pretty well. There’s a lag when you go to check your heart rate (unlike the Charge HR), and it’s harder to hit your 10,000 steps. I need to research this further, but I’m fairly certain the Apple Watch is a more accurate pedometer. I consistently get somewhere between 6 and 7 thousand steps daily (without working out) when I used to track easily 11,000 or more with the Fitbit. I’ve noticed the watch does not count my hand motions as “steps.” So when I sweep the floor, I’m not racking up a gazillion steps.
- NOTE: I do miss the social network of the fitbit community. I find that I’m less motivated to track my exercise because why bother? I found that having “friends” on Fitbit and the challenges to be extremely motivating. Perhaps Apple will add this in the future?
There are so many features that I’m not even going to attempt to highlight otherwise this post would be forever long. I watched a lot of youtube videos before purchasing and then after for tips and tricks.
I’ve spent $100 (total cost without the Charge HR return would have been $250) on worse, less useful things. I think $250 is a fair price for the product for what the simplistic way I use it. I was very worried knowing how simplistic I am that it would feel like too much money. I wouldn’t pay the $350 for a watch and calendar (or maybe I would…) but if you’re going to tap into the other million features that I haven’t listed, I would say it’s totally worth it.
NOTE: I have the Apple Watch Sport. The hardware (you know, the watch face) is the same technology across the board. The higher priced watches are simply for the band. My recommendation would be to purchase the sport edition (hello, cheaper) and then invest in a new band (because they’re interchangeable, hella awesome) at a later date, or as you feel it necessary.
*this is not a sponsored post, but how could would it be if it was? I’m not cool enough to get Apple’s attention.
by Joey | Feb 23, 2016 | Throwback
I was starting to lose myself. It was happening quietly. Slowly. Little by little. A yes here. A yes there. And before I knew it, I was gone. The parts I loved about myself, the parts I loved about my life, I’d stopped making the time for. I was too busy.
I spend all of my time doing for others. I don’t say that selflessly. It’s just the way my life has been set up, and that’s okay. I’m a people serving kind of person, I always have been, I hope I always am.
But there’s a balance in a life like that, there has to be. Boundaries are set for good reason. The things I kept sacred, protected, I stopped making a priority. The more full my days became, the less I felt like myself.
When that happens, it’s hard to pinpoint why exactly you don’t feel right. It’s shocking how sly life is, creeping in, sucking away your identity leaving you feeling lost and empty. I didn’t know what was wrong.
I made vegetable soup last week because I wanted it. And on Saturday night, I got it in my head to make an old pasta dish that J and I used to love. Two hours into the process, J finally asked. Why are you cooking again? We could have just gone out. I didn’t have an answer. I just wanted to.
Then on Sunday, I made the time to get back into the gym. I came home and ate the pasta I’d made the night before, followed by a bowl of the soup I’d made.
I felt like myself. I felt happy and satisfied. Content. And it was then that it hit me. I stopped making time for those things. They seemed unnecessary in the business of my life, so they got cut. It seemed harmless enough, but it turns out prepping meals for my little family in my little kitchen is important to me.
I let life get to the point that the things I used to enjoy became chores. That was my fault. I let life get that way.
That’s not okay. That’s never okay. You wouldn’t let someone else down like that, would you? You wouldn’t nix something from your daily todo that someone else was relying on you for. At least if you’re anything like me, you wouldn’t. So why was it acceptable for me to eliminate all of the things that made me happy? Because I stopped putting myself first. I’d stopped putting myself second. I’d stopped considering myself at all.
It’s no wonder that everything started to feel like work. I stopped treating myself like a person.
It’s hard to balance, I’ll admit. I work a full-time job balancing someone else’s life, and I chase dreams full-time. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But the second I stop treating myself like a person is the second it all becomes wrong.
So I ask you this. What do you do for you? What makes you feel like a person? What causes you to sit down at the end of the day and breathe a happy, contented sigh of relief?
For me? That’s cooking. It’s keeping my little apartment looking like a home. It’s smashing it at the gym. Sometimes it’s putting in my earbuds and coloring, letting my creativity float around. It’s journaling; it’s reading. It’s writing. It’s taking an hour to myself in the morning with my coffee and youtube.
So tell me
what do you do for you?
by Joey | Feb 18, 2016 | Throwback
It’s been an off week–one where everything has felt harder than it needs to be. So instead of sitting here having a pity party for myself, I’ve decided to think about all the things that make my life easier when I feel like everything is just too hard.
Setting the coffee pot the night before. If you’re anything like me, you need all incentives to get yourself out of bed, especially at the ungodly time my alarm sounds (cough, 5, cough).
Buffer. If you’re a blogger who still works a full-time job, you need buffer. Actually, if you’re a blogger in any capacity, you need buffer. I felt a bit icky about scheduling tweets out, but I’ve made an intentional practice of mixing my scheduled content (hello, sharing blog posts) with in-real-time tweets. Do you want a post on how I use this?
Long wearing nail polish. I don’t even feel like Joey with this one, but I never have time to paint my nails anymore. But I like to have my nails painted. I love my Sensationail Gel kit, but I’m picky about how long I let my nails get–so that’s a little too long wearing. I’ve been relying heavily on Julep lately. I picked up a new Revlon Gel Envy polish just because I liked the color–and that baby is still going strong 6 days in. Not a single chip. I just used it with my standard Seche Vite, not the partnered top coat.
Asking for help. I’m a I can and will do it all myself girl. I always have been. But I forget sometimes that one major blessing that comes from marriage is having a partner. I’ve made a point to ask for help when I need it. Our neighbor also had us take that Love Language test–and I got Acts of Service (duh), so when I came home from being out of town on Sunday to find J scrubbing our shower, I could have melted into a puddle of love.
The TKO fitness running band. I’m ashamed to admit that I haven’t taken this on a run yet (yes, I’m that girl who runs with her phone in her hand, so I know this will come in handy), but what I
have used it for is work. The first several hours of my work day are kid-free doing house-management tasks. I tend to listen to an audiobook or a podcast–but I don’t always have pockets (hello, yoga pants). This baby has saved me from having to shove my phone in my bra. It’s super comfortable and very easy to remove for all those pee breaks.
You already know how I feel about Wunderlist. But it’s worth mentioning again in case you missed it.
My Apple Watch. I promise I have a detailed post on how this makes my life easier coming soon–but if you’ve been on the fence about it–I totally and completely recommend it. My 2 biggest concerns were 1) it’d be too heavy and 2) it’d be too large for my wrist. I’m picky about wearing stuff on my wrists which is why I liked the fitbit flex–it was small and practically weightless. I forget I have my watch on almost all the time.
Saying no. Do it. It’s so super freeing.
Okay, that’s probably about it for today. What are some things that make YOUR life easier?
by Joey | Feb 17, 2016 | Throwback
“I’m okay,” I say.
Sometimes it’s the truth. Sometimes I’m trying to convince myself it’s the truth. Sometimes it’s a lie. And sometimes, most of the time, it’s D) all of the above.
If I’m being honest, it’s easy to exist in a world where I let myself forget. Life is busy. Work is busy. Everything is busy. I’m 2.5 hours from home, where I haven’t been since I hung my black dress in the back window of a car I no longer own and drove away.
And truthfully, we live in a society that frowns upon anything that makes people uncomfortable. It’s easier to be okay. It makes everyone feel better. It makes me feel better to be okay. And being okay is easier than admitting that I’m not. That we’re not.
There might be a million books out there that will tell me how to cope. But not a one of them would be right because we all grieve differently. And the reality is, life goes on. Things have to get handled. Decisions have to be made. And ultimately, the grief and loss gets pushed so far down that you’re actually capable of forgetting it was ever there.
Until something reminds you, and then it’s like the wind gets knocked out of you. You’re fine, you’re okay, and then you’re just not.
I had another post planned for today–but then I was looking through my instagram feed. And I came across this picture.
And I’m so embarrassed to admit this, but it took me a second, just a brief moment, but the thought crossed my mind. What were those for again? And then my stomach dropped, and I instantly felt sick. I felt sick because I remembered, but I also felt sick because I’d let myself forget–if only for a moment.
You might be wondering how one does that, forgets their dad died. You’d be surprised, friends. You’d be so surprised how quickly life just goes back to normal when you’re not in the thick of it.
We’ve been dealing with it. Handling the aftermath. Transferring the bills, calling mom, selling cars. But it’s easy to push the reason down, excuse it all away to a new season of life. But at the end of the day, the truth is the truth. Dad’s gone.
If only you knew how much work it takes not to let those words run on repeat in my head, wrecking their havoc on my world. And somewhere in between the havoc and the suppressing is a healthy balance of grieving and moving on. When do we get to that part?
I called my mom the other day, like I have almost every day since January 11th. This call was no different except that when I asked if she was okay, she said no. The tears came, and I swallowed my own.
But there’s some cosmic shift when finally, finally, you just break down those walls. You stop saying the words just to say them. The next day, I found myself waiting on a take out order with my sister, and there we sat in the restaurant, talking, crying.
I don’t have the road map. I don’t know how long this journey will take. But I do know there is peace waiting on the other side. And while we might not be able to see it just yet, I know it’s there, and I know someday we’ll get there.
Until then?
I’m okay.
