by Joey | Jan 20, 2016 | Throwback
If there’s anything to learn from crying your eyes out for days on end, it’s what waterproof mascaras actually live up to their claims.
So leave it to me, for the sake of content, to quiz my aunts, cousins, sisters, and even my mom to find out the truth in the midst of collectively crying. I mean, nothing will put a waterproof claim to the test like losing a parent. I asked the questions so you don’t have to.
I do it all for you.
Duh.
And to break the tension.
Obviously.
Maybelline Great Lash waterproof I borrowed this from my sister when we went to visit the hospital. It didn’t budge. It came off easily with standard face cleanser and warm water. It’ll do the job for sure, but it may not give you vavavoom lashes. Cry proof.
Maybelline Full Lash Bloom waterproof I didn’t personally use this, but my sister stuck by her recommendation. Removes with standard face cleanser and warm water. Cry proof.
Cover Girl Clump Crusher water resistant I love the original Clump Crusher, so when I ran into the drugstore before heading home last weekend, I grabbed my old trusty favorite just in what I thought was waterproof. I don’t even know why it has a water resistant claim. This didn’t preform any differently than the original formula. Ran like a scared little girl at the first threat of a tear. The plus? Washed off easily. duh. Not even close to cry proof.
Maybelline Lash Sensational waterproof After the clump crusher disappointment, I decided to give this one a try. It was love at first swipe. Holy vavavoom lashes without a single smudge or flake. I put this one through the ringer (and I mean that) and my eye makeup didn’t budge. You’ll need proper eye makeup remover or some coconut oil to get this sucker off. Worth it. Cry proof…and winner winner chicken dinner*
So there you have it. I hope you read this post with a light heart. The “research” definitely kept us laughing over the last few weeks. And trust me when I say, laughter in the midst of something so hard is totally and completely necessary. And I got some useful info out of it. Win win. Sort of.
*I immediately grabbed the non-waterproof formula of this baby when I got home. It’s my new fave.
**There are no links because these are all drugstore products and I assume you probably visit one of those on the regular (cough: Target). A link seemed redundant, right? Bonus points if any of you are reading this while in a Target.
by Joey | Jan 19, 2016 | Throwback
Hi friends. I still can’t fully wrap my head around the fact that my dad is really gone. There are just some things in life that take a while to digest, and that piece of information is one of them. In the meantime, I need normalcy.
I had a lot of big plans for January. For 2016, actually. I take New Years seriously. I’m one of those people who make yearly goals, I game plan, I make big decisions about what my year will look like. But then life happened, and it would be easy for me to chalk the entire year up to a loss. I mean, how can a year that started out with my dad dying possibly be good?
But there’s a lesson in there somewhere. About how you can have all the plans in the world, but you can’t prepare for the unexpected. I never expected my dad to die. And if you had a conversation with me before December 30th, you would have heard me tell you that 2016 was going to be an amazing year. I had big dreams, friends. Big plans.
But writing your father’s obituary will do something to your insides. Twist them up. Flip them upside down. An entire life in just a few paragraphs. The highlights. The dreams that became realities. The goals that became accomplishments. And if that doesn’t motivate the shit out of you, nothing ever will.
So January is for the loss. An extension for 2015. A moment to breathe. Mourn. Feel the loss. Gather the thoughts. Find the meaning.
Maybe the new year caught you off guard too. Maybe you didn’t quite have the footing you thought you’d have. Maybe you need more time. Me, too.
So join me. This year, my New Year, will start on Feb. 1st. And instead of being in bed at 9PM only to wake the next morning with swollen eyes and a sad heart, I’m popping the champagne and toasting to one kick ass year.
Because friends? This is your life. My life. And we have a say in how it goes. If you don’t like something, change it. If you want something, do something about it. Mute the voice that keeps telling you you can’t. Because you can. And I can. And we will.
Happy New Year, friends.
Almost.
by Joey | Jan 11, 2016 | Throwback
If there’s one thing I’ve been taught my entire life, it’s that family doesn’t have to share blood. And thinking about that in this moment from my high school bedroom while there is a buzzing in my childhood home, it seems sort of funny. Because the reality of it is, we had family enough on our own. Coming from a family of seven, doesn’t that seem like it would just be enough? Hell, it probably seems like too much to many of you.
But in this house, in this family, once you’re in, you’re in. Because all those people standing in the kitchen downstairs? Many of of them don’t share our blood. But within moments of our phone call, Dad’s gone, here they are.
There is more food in our fridge and freezer than we know what to do with (thank you), and we feel so wrapped up in love and support that we know with full confidence that while this might be the hardest day this family has had to face thus far, we will be okay. Because we have family. And in this house, that includes you.
The events of the last week feel like something out of a dream. I’m living in some parallel universe where I’m starring in an episode of Parenthood. Because this can’t possibly be real life. Dad’s gone.
But the truth is, those we’ve loved along the way are never actually gone. Not in this house, anyway. In fact, Dad defied logic and science. Given only a day maybe two on Wednesday, we started to notice odd things happening around the house. We quickly found a reason. Surely, the angels sent our beloved Uncle John to take Dad’s hand and walk with him, but Dad was refusing. A soldier never gives up. So in the meantime, Uncle John got bored and started messing with us. I tell you this now so you can get a sense of how this family works; of how we deal with loss in this house. Whether true or all in our heads, we find peace in those stories.
This morning, Dad went to be with those we’ve loved and lost along the way. He has them, and we have each other. And we’ll be okay.
Thank you for this life, Dad.
Service Arrangements; Raleigh, NC
Visitation: January 12, 6-8PM; Renaissance Funeral Home
Funeral Mass: January 13, 9AM St. Luke’s Church
In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in memory of my dad, Erick Dickens, a retired New York City firefighter, here.
by Joey | Jan 5, 2016 | Throwback
I don’t know how to start this except to just say what I have to say. When I first started this blog, it was to document my life. And whether I want to remember all of this or not, it’s happening. It’s real. And I’m lost in a fog of emotions. When I’m absent from this space, I get messages and emails asking if I’m okay. And for now, I will probably be absent. I have some pre-written content, but I’m hesitant to even put that up because my heart is in such a fragile place. And while I’m okay, I am not okay.
My dad is sick. I’ve never written those words on this blog. But in early 2014, he was diagnosed with a rare, incurable autoimmune disease. After a sudden rush of symptoms over the course of six months, it seemed his team of doctors had things moderately under control.
“When your kids google this disease,” the doctor told my mother all those months ago “they’re going to see a life expectancy of five years. That is old information,” he assured her.
He was diagnosed 1.5 years ago. And on Sunday morning, after all of my siblings and I rushed from all over the US to be with my family over the weekend, I hugged my dad, looked him in the eye, told him thank you and I love you before I got in my car and drove the excruciating 2.5 hours back home. That could very well be the last moment I will ever have with my dad.
The day after Christmas, we called 911. After an onslaught of new symptoms, he’s declined rapidly over the last few weeks. And last week, my siblings and I got the message from my mom that we were all dreading.
At this time his condition has worsened, and the doctors are out of ideas.
And the truth is, you guys, you can think you’re so prepared. You can think there will be a sweet release in the ending of a battle. But as I told my family over the weekend, we’ve done this, loss, a hundred different ways, and it sucks every single way.
I am forever grateful that my siblings and I had the opportunity to be all together this weekend, to lean on each other. To be one whole family for what is very realistically the last time.
Change and loss are always inevitable. And as my sister very profoundly expressed everybody loses their dad. But that doesn’t make it any easier. That doesn’t cushion the blow. That doesn’t make it easier to see him decline so rapidly.
And now, every time the phone rings, my heart stops.
If you’ll please keep my family, especially my mother and father in your thoughts and prayers, I would be forever grateful. And in the meantime, I may or may not be here. Part of me feels like I want to continue on as normal until normal isn’t normal anymore, if that makes any sense. But I guess ultimately, I have to do whatever feels right in my heart. And as of this second, I’m not sure what that is. But either way, I felt compelled to share.
Because this is real life, friends.
by Joey | Dec 31, 2015 | Throwback
You’ve been here, so you know. But in case some of you are new, let me break it down for you. This year, to date, has been the hardest yet. There’s been a lot of fun, excitement, and joy mixed in, sure. But at the root, at its core, 2015 kicked. our. ass.
In early December, 2014, everything changed. A life we’d been building, growing, and thriving in was ripped away from us out of the blue. Something we’d relied so heavily on for years, something we’d found a great bit of comfort in, football, was suddenly out the window, and we were left standing stunned and numb, without a single clue what 2015 would end up looking like for us.
Without anywhere else to turn, I took the reigns and threw everything we had into God. I tried to find the reasons and the lessons, trusting God an His plan for our lives. Despite being absolutely terrified, I had an odd sense of peace and confidence that everything would be okay in the end.
This year has looked different in many, many ways. And to be quite honest, every time we thought we had our footing, the rug would be ripped from underneath us and we’d be left scrambling again. But if we zoom out and take a look at the big picture, it’s abundantly clear that God had his hands all over this.
There were some great lessons to be learned this year. Chief among them, never say never. As I drove out of Charlotte back in March, 2013, I sobbed. It was like a bad breakup scene. I loved Charlotte, and I loved the little life we had here. And we knew, without a doubt, that in our football driven lives, we wouldn’t ever be back. A hard truth to swallow, but I made my peace and moved forward. But when 2015 was just barely underway, we made the impossible happen. Back to Charlotte we went, in kind of a rush no less.
But then the devil got his hands on us. And I’m here to tell you this, the devil doesn’t look like you’d expect him to. No. He’s dressed up like everything you’ve ever wanted, disguised in stability and wealth, then drops you flat on your face. We escaped narrowly and only by the hands and help of people who love us more than they love themselves. I don’t know how to describe it necessarily, but there’s an overall stinging feeling throughout your body when you’re in the throws of something you know in your gut isn’t right. Try to listen to that feeling. Trust your gut.
The truth is, we don’t regret anything that happened this year despite how hard it all was. We learned a lot about ourselves, about what we want and what we don’t. We learned that we actually can make it through anything. In our vows, we promised for better or worse. We’ve seen our fair share of both in our short marriage, but 2015 will definitely go down in the record books as one of our hardest years.
We’ve made it onto the other side. We never let ourselves get too comfortable because one thing we know for sure is anything and everything can change on a dime. But as this year winds down and wraps up, I have to say I’m proud. I’m proud of how we survived. I’m humbled by those who helped us along the way. And good God almighty, I’m ready for 2016!
And just to add some humor to this otherwise heavy post, this about sums up our 2015, don’tcha think.
