by Joey | Dec 1, 2020 | life stuff, Real Life
I originally wrote this post at the end of July 2020. It all felt just too fresh and raw and real to share at the time. There were still so many unknowns surrounding our next steps. And if I’ve learned anything from Brené Brown, it’s that I don’t share anything until my healing is no longer dependent on the response to it.
But as I combed my drafts tonight, it feels right to share this post now. I have felt more whole in the months since I wrote this than I have in years. I know with full certainty that we were put exactly where we were needed exactly when we were needed. And I believe the same to be true now, in this new season of our lives.
So I say to you, if you’ve ever waded through a season of painful unknowns, or maybe you’re there right now, this post is for you.
I was at my desk hustling to finish work in time to make it to my normal yoga class when my husband appeared in the doorway. “So, uhm. I just lost my job.”
I stared blankly at him, my blood running cold. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard those words from my husband’s mouth. We just couldn’t seem to shake this unfair dark cloud. And once again, just like the last time, I was thrusted into out-of-character calmness. “Okay,” I said. “Okay. We’ll figure it out.”
Within just a few days, J had a new job and we received our lease renewal information. Charlotte was a lot of things: beautiful, fun and most importantly ridiculously expensive. A booming city meant landlords could jack up prices for seemingly no reason. “I don’t want to stay here,” I told my husband. “I just feel like it’s time for us to move on.”
We decided not to renew, hopeful we’d figure out our next steps in due time. A few days later, we learned that J’s new job had serious need in their Raleigh office. “I think you should go,” our good friend who was now one of Jonathan’s coworkers told us. “It would likely be temporary, but it would give you the chance to get some important, hands on training that we just can’t offer here in the Charlotte office.”
Temporary. “Okay,” I said. “Let’s do it.” I couldn’t put my finger on why at the time, but I just felt something pulling us home. Raleigh is our hometown. It’s where we both grew up. It’s where both of our mothers live and a handful of our siblings. “We can stay at Mom’s until we know where we need to land more permanently.”
So, with plans in place, we packed up our home and said farewell to the city we called home for 6 of our 9 married years. But this time, unlike the last, it felt right. It felt like it was time. J single-handedly unloaded all our earthly possessions into my mom’s basement, and we set up a mini “apartment” on her second floor, complete with our own bed.
But it didn’t take long for the thoughts to creep in. The thing is, we often fall victim to the stories we tell ourselves about a situation. And let me just tell you, your imagination can run wild with a story that involves you moving into your mother’s house at the ripe old age of 32. And for some reason, failure and embarrassment were the leading characters in that story even though I knew it not to be true. To put it lightly, I was struggling.
I’m the kind of person who takes pride in her space and who prefers, above all else, to be in the comfort of her own home. And while abundantly grateful for the soft place to land temporarily, I was eager and desperate to accelerate the timeline. And then something bizarre and unexpected happened. Football suddenly re-entered our lives after 4 long mostly football-less years. Every plan we had in place upheaved and my urgent desire to get our own place was squashed. There would be no moving until the end of the season, when we knew more about what comes next.
It’s hard to admit this, but I felt trapped. I was desperate to find a place to call our own, and while we technically could, despite everything, I knew it simply didn’t make sense. And without my permission, I sunk into a depressed state. I know there’s a lot to be said for perspective and gratitude, but my selfish tendencies were being challenged and I was not okay. “I know I’m supposed to be learning something here,” I told a friend. “And who knows, maybe God needs us here for some reason.”
And then, with one single phone call and four simple words, everything changed.
My mom was sick. There would be doctor’s appointments and treatment plans and surgery and and and. Now, on the other side of all of that, nearly a year removed, I’m happy to report that she’s just fine–like nothing ever even happened–but it was a lot at the time. And it was in that moment, in the aftermath of that startling news, that J and I knew deep down in our bones that God broke our hearts to put us here. We were needed, undoubtedly.
But you see, it’s hard to know and understand that in the midst of heartbreak is purpose. Sometimes we get let in on that secret, the great purpose revealed. Other times the only purpose is to protect us from something we’ll never see.
In the year plus that we’ve been here, purpose or not, we’ve been offered little gifts. Tiny little slivers of hope and happiness that we otherwise wouldn’t have had. And one of those things has been football and the community of the school that comes with it. Knowing my husband is able to finally get back to what he loves and what he’s so good at is a gift all in itself. Had we not been at Mom’s, the opportunity would have been something we probably would have passed on. But it was precisely this opportunity that kept us at Mom’s beyond the summer. Had football not suddenly re-entered our lives like a beautifully wrapped, long awaited gift, we would have already moved out when we got the call.
I tell you this story because I know we’re all in the midst of it all these days. I won’t lie and say we’re out of it. There are still so many unknowns that factor into our ability to decide when we’ll leave Mom’s. But I will say that despite it all, there can be beauty in the brokenness. And though your heart may be breaking right now, please hold fast to hope.
If you’ve spent any length of time in this space, you’ll know that my verse of life is Romans 12:12: Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer.
And as J and I navigate into the next phase of what our lives will look like, I’ve been repeating that verse like a mantra, a small, quiet comfort in the mess of an anxious mind.
But if I know one thing for certain: I can trust the process. God puts us exactly where we’re needed.
by Joey | Oct 6, 2020 | Real Life
We can do anything if we put our minds to it.
Take your whole life then you put a line through it.
Friends. Hi. I’ve ached to return to this space. It’s on my mind often, and I miss it terribly. But would you believe me if I told you that literally the day I posted that last blog post, where I talked all about feeling disappointed and depleted, that everything changed. Everything.
I guess I can talk about things in more specifics now. I’ve wanted to the whole time, but I wasn’t even sure myself what the story was that was unfolding. It was all so…unexpected. Life, man. God, man. All very funny if you ask me.
When I graduated college, my mom lovingly referred to me as a fish out of water. I’ve talked about that in this space before–just never really finding my place. It didn’t help that life all this time has felt so…temporary. That’s the world of football, right? You unpack, half settle in and then the rug gets yanked out from underneath you. Remember Buies Creek? Yeah, that one still hurts when I think about it too much.
But when I do think about it all, really think about it–every wrong turn, every disappointment, every single broken heart, man am I grateful now. So. Very. Grateful.
I guess I have some explaining to do.
I don’t really feel like starting at the beginning. I just don’t have it in me to rehash it all right now. Basically, our life got turned on its ear in February of 2019 and that was the catalyst for a whole lot of change. I’ve touched on it here and there in older blog posts and the podcast, but all you really need to know is that 2019 sucker punched us and then continued to kick us while we were down. Looking back at it now, I can see the blessings in the messiness. But when I tell you it was a hard year, those words just don’t feel strong enough. 2019 changed everything. It changed our lives. It changed us. It changed me.
It was full of all the worst things. And some day I’ll get into it all. But today is just not that day. Today I want to focus on the good, if that’s okay with you.
So what changed? Ha, that’s a good question.
Most of you know that my husband took a football job that kind of came in out of nowhere last summer. While the job was an absolute blessing in the way that it brought football back into our lives, it also kind of messed everything up. At least that’s what I thought then. We had plans. We wanted to settle down. We wanted to buy a house. And football doesn’t really offer that kind of stability, not at this stage in a career anyway. And while I was so very happy that my husband had the chance to get back to what he loved, I was tired.
And that job meant we’d stay at Mom’s pretty much indefinitely. We wouldn’t move out at the end of the summer like we’d planned. We wouldn’t be buying a house. Everything we sort of laid in place at the start of 2019 was basically flushed with the promise that we’d figure it out. Eventually.
God and I had a whoooooole lotta conversations last year. But one prayer I prayed more than most was for stability. And a home we could call our own. But mostly, stability please.
There’s a long, twisty story here, one I’ll share another time. But the long and short of it is there are two major updates in my life. And I’ve strangely felt like I can’t really return to this space until I address them. So, here goes.
1. I have a full-time job at the college.
While my freelancing business is still alive and well, I’ve taken a massive step away. I work with a very few clients and the rest I’ve contracted out to writers I trust. And honestly? I don’t think I’ll ever go back. Not unless something massive changes in our lives that requires the need for it. I’m happy. So, so happy. Trust, no one is more surprised than me. A full-time office job? I know, who even am I? But friends? When it’s right, it’s right.
This is my place. These are my people. This is my purpose. Everything up until this point was simply preparing me for it all. I was becoming the person I needed to be to step right into the space designed for me. I didn’t see this coming. I really, really didn’t. But I’m finally home. And oh, so happy.
You might be wondering what about the books. Joey, I thought you said you just want to write books! Well, guess what? Now, I can. Now, I can focus on all the parts of writing that I love without stressing myself silly trying to scrape enough together to make a living. And for the first time ever, I don’t feel like I’m sacrificing any piece of me. Trading one for another.
I feel whole.
2. We bought a house!
I know!! Can you even believe it? Because I really can’t. I still don’t really know how it happened except God. We bought a sweet little project house that we’re turning into a home one DIY at a time. It’s a dream realized. There’s no other way to put it. We closed mid-August and moved in (with the craziest mover experience ever) at the end of August.
So there it is, friends. The cliff notes version of our life since my last post. The craziest thing of all is I was painfully awaiting news on the full time role at the time. I’d been through the wringer with opportunities swinging in and out of my reach since February, and I was kind of losing hope. But the day I published that post, later that afternoon I got the news. The position had been approved (it was created for me). The next day, I applied for a mortgage. The day after that, I got pre-approved for said mortgage. The very next day, we put an offer in on a house that was accepted within an hour.
Life, I’ll tell ya, has been in warp speed since July 7, 2020. But my heart, friends? It’s full. So. Damn. Full.
So come away, starting today
Start a new life, together, in a different place
EASTSIDE; halsey + khalid
by Joey | Jul 7, 2020 | Devotional Series, Joyful by Design, Real Life
“Everything is out of charge,” I said to my mom as I walked my airpods over to the charging cable. “Man, if that’s not a metaphor for life right now.”
I promised myself a quiet weekend. I bought a craft at Hobby Lobby on Wednesday evening to prepare for my 4-day weekend. A blended gift of working the Saturday before and the 4th of July holiday. I didn’t realize how much I needed some down time until it was upon me. My head, my heart and my soul all felt tired.
But on Saturday, as I set myself up on the screened-in porch with my cross stitching, my tea and my iPad queued up to 90 Day Fiance; Happily Ever After (delightfully trashy TV–a must, duh), I discovered the fatal flaw in my plan. Everything was out of charge.
That didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy my afternoon on the porch, no. It just meant it was going to have to look a little different than I’d envisioned. It also meant I was going to have to be patient, allow time for things to get ready. I was annoyed with myself for not being prepared. And in that moment, the perfectionist in me started to spiral a little into that negative self-talk trap. But then I stopped, pulled together my electronics and went on the hunt for a solution. The airpods charge in no time. I found an extension cord and plugged in the iPad that was at 1%. And I settled in for a quiet, relaxing afternoon.
And then a storm blew in.
I tell you this silly story of minor inconveniences because on a bigger scale, it describes the cycle of life my husband and I have been in since early February of 2019. Every time we think we have something pinned down, life swoops in, knocks it out of our hands and we’re back at square one. It’s disappointing and exhausting. And it’s forced us to have to rely more on faith than ever before.
As someone with trust issues to begin with, 2019 was a true mind fuck in the way of trusting God, the universe, whoever/whatever you believe in. (For the record, in my life, it’s God. Always God.) You know in the old school Looney Toons cartoons when Sylvester the cat is on some kind of big mission but keeps not just failing miserably, but getting just totally beat up in the process? Something sort of like this? Y’all. That was how things went last year.
I’ve talked about finding faith in a season of waiting before. I’ve discussed faith & hope in a season of struggle. I believe in God’s plan and timing. I know God has already won the battle. And yet, despite it all, when I’m plopped down in the midst of a blended season of struggle and waiting, I return to that familiar place. That place where things feel unfair and exhausting. That place where pretty much on a daily basis I look up and say “Really? Really?!”
In some ways, I cherish these seasons because I know there’s a story being woven together. A great reveal of God’s victory. A testimony to God’s glory and fulfilled promises. But even with a proven track record–knowing God has literally never ever let us down before–these seasons still hurt. They still feel unfair.
Let me tell you something right now, friend. If you feel like Sylvester right now–where every turn leads to a frying pan to the face and tweety birds flying around your head, hear me. All these disappointments? They’re leading you somewhere beautiful. God breaks our hearts in the most beautiful ways. He uses this pain, these disappointments to shape us, to guide us, to move our feet from on place to another.
We are stubborn. So. Very. Stubborn. And I promise, if you’re anything like me, without the set backs, these disappointments, these heartbreaks, you would never move from one place to the other. Probably due in part to fear. To the limiting beliefs you’ve been marinating in.
Yes, you might feel out of charge right now. You might be met with one disappointment after another. And it sucks. Trust me, trust me, I know. But there is something beautiful coming. Hold faith, my friend. Hold faith.
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:30
by Joey | Jun 19, 2020 | Real Life
Is it just me or did this week fly right by? Some of you might not know this, but I now work part time for the college where my husband coaches. It started out as something to get me out of the house and into the community where we were building our lives. But it quickly turned into one of my favorite places to be. And as you can imagine, the coronavirus has wreaked havoc on our traditional operations there. And this week has been crazy busy as we gear up for our first of many orientations next week. I swear it was just Monday.
Remember how I mentioned how much I was loving the Galloway method? Well, that’s still true. I’m totally digging how “easy” it is to crush 4+ miles at a time. But friends? We’ve hit a snag. Remember all those years ago when I was working on the edits for the book? And I decided to challenge myself with the C25K program? And then I landed in a doctor’s office who joked well, I’ve seen this before: couch to 5k to boot? Spoiler alert: I’m pretty sure I have another stress fracture in my left foot. I mean, you’d think I’d learn by now that watching Netflix is a much safer activity. I’m already dreading the down time. I’ve really come to enjoy my time on the pavement–and these days my anxious little heart (and head!) really need it.
Speaking of anxiety. Woof. I mean, the current state of the world is enough to make anyone feel a bit anxious. But if you’ve been following along for any amount of time, you know that our 2019 was the pits. Like, take into consideration everything that 2020 has doled out and I would still argue that 2019 was a harder year personally. (Please know and understand I recognize this statement is dripping with privilege. That little joke was a lot funnier before the last few weeks.) Well, friends. We are THISCLOSE to making some pretty big changes around here. I have to be annoying and say that I can’t say anything specific quite yet–but if you wouldn’t mind sending up some prayers, crossing your fingers & toes and maybe eating a few extra desserts in our honor these next few weeks, I’d appreciate it. I can’t help but have these lyrics on repeat in my head.
We’re in the homestretch of the hard times
We took a hard left, but we’re alright.
Yeah, life can sure try to put love through it,
but we built this right, so nothing’s gonna move it.
–The Bones; Maren Morris
I’m excited to share all that’s about to unfold. But I also promise that once I finally personally process everything that’s happened the last 487 days, I will share. Because you know how much I love a good God story. And this one is so dang full of unimaginable and completely unexpected disappointment, heartache, fear and unfairness. But it’s also just so, so beautiful. And despite the fact that in some ways, we’re still very much in the midst of it all, I can stand here and say God. Is. Good.
Until next time, be well and stay joyful.
by Joey | Jun 12, 2020 | Real Life
Happy Friday, friends! Even though I had Monday off (it was my Birthday!), it’s felt like an incredibly long week. Things were busy, the weather was crazy and I’ve had an annoying, lingering sinus headache for literally three days now. So to say that I’m already looking forward to crawling into bed early tonight with a fresh episode of New Girl would be pretty accurate.
Since quitting the big socials (FB & IG), I felt inspired to show up here old school weekly roundup style. I hope that’s okay.
It only took 34 years, but I know how tall I am now.
On Sunday night, after a night around a friend’s fire pit and one (yes, I said one) cocktail, we pulled out the tape measure. I know, things get rowdy in your mid-thirties. Don’t be jealous. But after years of being completely unsure how tall I actually am (this is stemming off the two year period where I really didn’t know my age), we decided to get downright technical. Turns out, I’m just about 5’2 exactly. This is information you didn’t ask for. You have it now. You’re welcome.
The right message at the right time.
If you know me at all, you know I don’t have notifications turned on for anything on my phone. Unless it’s a text or a phone call, nothing is getting through. But about 1.5 years ago, when I was in a particularly tough place emotionally, I turned the push notifications on for my Bible app. And I have to say, more often than not, I’m served the exact message I need in the mornings. And this particular message was definitely needed this week.
Run, Joey. Run!
Color me surprised. I’ve been running (and I use that term very loosely) since 2013. It started with the C25K app, and I landed somewhere in the land of a comfortable 2ish miles every other day since. I’ve definitely taken extended periods of time off from running, and I fell out of love with it when we moved to Wake Forest. (Our neighborhood is especially hilly and I hate it.) A friend of mine told me about the Galloway method years ago, but I never really tried it. And then Katie Levans shared about it in detail on IG (before I quit), and y’all. HOLY DIFFERENCE MAKER. I never thought I’d see the day where I’d be going 4+ miles comfortably. I’ll share about the method in detail in a future post, but I’ll post the weekly intervals below. The theory is that you’re meant to do each “week” for 5 days.
Week 1: Walk 4; run 1 x12
Week 2: Walk 3; run 1 x15
Week 3 Walk 2; run 2 x12
Week 4: Walk 2; run 2 x15
Well, that about does it for this week. Enjoy your weekend, friends!
