“Everything is out of charge,” I said to my mom as I walked my airpods over to the charging cable. “Man, if that’s not a metaphor for life right now.”
I promised myself a quiet weekend. I bought a craft at Hobby Lobby on Wednesday evening to prepare for my 4-day weekend. A blended gift of working the Saturday before and the 4th of July holiday. I didn’t realize how much I needed some down time until it was upon me. My head, my heart and my soul all felt tired.
But on Saturday, as I set myself up on the screened-in porch with my cross stitching, my tea and my iPad queued up to 90 Day Fiance; Happily Ever After (delightfully trashy TV–a must, duh), I discovered the fatal flaw in my plan. Everything was out of charge.
That didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy my afternoon on the porch, no. It just meant it was going to have to look a little different than I’d envisioned. It also meant I was going to have to be patient, allow time for things to get ready. I was annoyed with myself for not being prepared. And in that moment, the perfectionist in me started to spiral a little into that negative self-talk trap. But then I stopped, pulled together my electronics and went on the hunt for a solution. The airpods charge in no time. I found an extension cord and plugged in the iPad that was at 1%. And I settled in for a quiet, relaxing afternoon.
And then a storm blew in.
I tell you this silly story of minor inconveniences because on a bigger scale, it describes the cycle of life my husband and I have been in since early February of 2019. Every time we think we have something pinned down, life swoops in, knocks it out of our hands and we’re back at square one. It’s disappointing and exhausting. And it’s forced us to have to rely more on faith than ever before.
As someone with trust issues to begin with, 2019 was a true mind fuck in the way of trusting God, the universe, whoever/whatever you believe in. (For the record, in my life, it’s God. Always God.) You know in the old school Looney Toons cartoons when Sylvester the cat is on some kind of big mission but keeps not just failing miserably, but getting just totally beat up in the process? Something sort of like this? Y’all. That was how things went last year.
I’ve talked about finding faith in a season of waiting before. I’ve discussed faith & hope in a season of struggle. I believe in God’s plan and timing. I know God has already won the battle. And yet, despite it all, when I’m plopped down in the midst of a blended season of struggle and waiting, I return to that familiar place. That place where things feel unfair and exhausting. That place where pretty much on a daily basis I look up and say “Really? Really?!”
In some ways, I cherish these seasons because I know there’s a story being woven together. A great reveal of God’s victory. A testimony to God’s glory and fulfilled promises. But even with a proven track record–knowing God has literally never ever let us down before–these seasons still hurt. They still feel unfair.
Let me tell you something right now, friend. If you feel like Sylvester right now–where every turn leads to a frying pan to the face and tweety birds flying around your head, hear me. All these disappointments? They’re leading you somewhere beautiful. God breaks our hearts in the most beautiful ways. He uses this pain, these disappointments to shape us, to guide us, to move our feet from on place to another.
We are stubborn. So. Very. Stubborn. And I promise, if you’re anything like me, without the set backs, these disappointments, these heartbreaks, you would never move from one place to the other. Probably due in part to fear. To the limiting beliefs you’ve been marinating in.
Yes, you might feel out of charge right now. You might be met with one disappointment after another. And it sucks. Trust me, trust me, I know. But there is something beautiful coming. Hold faith, my friend. Hold faith.
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:30
It’s good to know I’m not alone.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m the only one and I can’t help but think, “Why does it always have to be me?”
Thanks for the verse reminder.
It’s good to absorb the message and not just read it.