by Joey | Jan 5, 2017 | Advice
Is it just me, or do you start every new year full of promise too? I stand with my friends and family year after year counting down the minutes to the new year full of hope and excitement. I revel in that anything can happen feeling. This year things will be different.
The thing is, I’ve been like this my whole life. I’d start each year determined to change my life only to find myself living the exact same life year after year.
Nothing was changing.
Being full of passion, determination, and excitement is only half the battle. Yet, if you’re not channeling that energy into anything specific, it will eventually fizzle out. If you’re serious about changing your life and making happiness a priority, it’s time to set some goals my friends. Not just any kind of goals, no. Specific goals.
Hella specific.
Setting generalized goals might feel right, but all you’re really doing is setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. Let me give you an example.
Generalized Goal: Eat Healthy.
Result: The first time you eat a brownie or hit a drive thru you’ll beat yourself up and throw the entire goal out the window. Why bother, I already failed.
Specific Goal: Prepare at least three healthy, well-balanced meals a week.
Result: You introduce margin into your life while still putting specific boundaries around your behavior. So maybe you hit the drive thru for lunch, no big deal. You’ll prep a healthy dinner. Balance. Success.
Your goals should give you direction if not instruction.
When you sit down to dream up the things you want to achieve or change, it’s okay to start out speaking in generalizations. You want a cleaner house, great. So get specific about the kind of cleaning schedule you want to keep and make that the goal. You want to give up soda? Get specific about what you want to replace it with. (Truth speak, panic would set in any time I resolved to quit soda. I like soda. So instead of making it about quitting something, So, I made it about doing something. I set a specific water intake goal per day. I was so busy drinking water that quitting soda was simply a byproduct of that goal.)
I started 2016 with some pretty specific goals:
- Get out of nannying and replace it with a job I could work remotely. As I narrowed in on exactly what that goal would look like in execution, Bliss Creative was born. A year later, I own and run my own business with my best friend doing what I went to school for remotely.
- Buy a new-to-me car and pay for it with writing. With this goal in place, it encouraged me to save money specifically for a down-payment without affecting our general financial situation. It also encouraged me to apply for writing gigs I would otherwise be too afraid to go after.
- Spend time with God daily. I wasn’t exactly sure how I would manifest this one, but it helped me get specific about what I needed to do. I listen to Rick Warren’s Daily Hope podcast every single week day morning.
It’s about to go down in 2017.
- General goal: Read more. Specific goal: Read at least two books per month. 1 for pleasure 1 for personal, spiritual, or entrepreneurial growth.
- General goal: Release Yeah, Maybe as a print book. Specific goal: Research CreateSpace, partnered with Amazon, and collaborate with Jennifer for format specifications & cover design.
- General goal: Finish book 2. Specific goal: Write one chapter per week with Sunday 12AM deadlines.
- General goal: Network more. Specific goal: attend at least one networking event each month.
- General goal: Eat out less. Specific goal: Meal plan five days per week only allowing for one take out lunch and one date night per week.
- General goal: Exercise more. Specific goal: Run 2 miles 3 times per week. Practice at least 1 hour of yoga per week.
- General goal: Implement office hours. Specific goal: Operate on a 7AM-3PM schedule Monday-Friday only taking client meetings Tuesdays, Wednesdays, & Thursdays.
Since setting specific goals is like drawing a road map for your year, you’ll find that it’s much easier to stick to the resolutions you set for yourself while creating the kind of life you really want.
Happiness is a byproduct of purposeful living. By setting specific goals, you’re making yourself and your happiness a priority. And you just can’t go wrong with that.
Share your goals for 2017 in the comments below!
by Joey | Jan 2, 2017 | Advice
I’ve always really liked the idea of a new year. A fresh start. The chance to try again. I think New Years is like an important reminder to check in and evaluate. How did things go throughout your year? What could you do better? Did you finally find your groove with something? I like the idea of taking advantage of these check ins to find new ways to challenge myself.
It’s easy to fall into routine in your life. How often do you really take the time to lean inside yourself and ask am I happy? Is there anything I want to change?
While I totally believe in every day being a new opportunity to reinvent yourself, new years offers you a pre-made clean slate. A whole new set of 365 fresh days to do whatever you want with.
What will you do with them?
I said at the start of 2016 that it was going to be my year. After spending a few years making sure everyone else was taken care of and happy, I decided to focus on myself. Despite some heavy lows (like losing my dad), 2016 was packed full of exciting challenges, unexpected opportunities, and new adventures. I was tired of being unhappy, so I spent the entire year testing and changing, narrowing in on how exactly to find and hold on to happiness.
Happiness isn’t always packaged how you might think.
It’s often tucked inside painful challenges and unexpected twists. Letting go and learning how to accept those things was a big part of my 2016. But after spending the whole year chasing the ever elusive emotion, I’ve come to understand some things about how to fit happiness into my life.
Because the truth is, happiness is always available. It’s constantly flowing, ready for the taking. But we’re all usually so busy fitting everything else into our lives that we forget to leave room.
If you’re tired of constantly feeling overwhelmed, dissatisfied, and unhappy, I invite you to hang around this month. For the first time ever, I’ve decided to devote the entire month of January to a theme to encourage myself (and you!) to start your year off right.
So welcome to How to Be Happy January.
The always positive, encouraging, and sweet youtuber Nikki Phillippi has given me personal permission to share this wonderful theme of her’s with all of you. After starting every year with her positivity, I decided to stop being a spectator and start doing.
So once again, I’m starting the year off by saying this year is going to be my year, and I want you to do the same. Starting off with that statement will encourage you to make decisions daily to stay true to your plan. When you’re planning out your days, weeks, and months, keep that thought in mind and ask yourself if what you’re agreeing to aligns with your goal.
I’m a yes girl. I was a yes girl, always agreeing to everything even if it was the last thing I wanted to do. A people-pleasing way of life might seem noble, but in actuality it’s a sure fire way to fester resentment and unhappiness.
Politely declining is always acceptable. Staying true to yourself and your plans for the year are always allowed. You just have to make your happiness as big a priority as you make everyone else’s.
The best part of life? Every morning you have a new opportunity to become a happier version of yourself.
by Joey | Dec 29, 2016 | Real Life
Four years ago almost exactly I was browsing through blogland when I came across an announcement for a new linkup. If you’ve hung around blogland long enough, you know that there tends to be a grouping of specific bloggers that you get mixed in with. I don’t know how exactly it happens, but we basically create a community within ourselves despite niche and location. It’s one of my favorite parts of blogging.
This link up was being hosted by two bloggers I didn’t follow but who were a part of the community I would say I was in. I’d seen their blogs before randomly. I’d see blog friends of mine mention them in posts and tweets. I just hadn’t personally connected with either of them yet.
For whatever reason, I decided to plan out a post and link up. The link up was called The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. If only I would have known then that this particular link up would connect me with the very best friend I’ve ever had, who has seen me through the good, the bad, and the ugly.
The link up was short lived, like most things in blogland. Drama ensued between the hosts and some other girls who were apparently hosting a very similar type link up, which resulted in those girls emailing everyone who participated in TGBU link up with less than pleasant warnings.
I don’t do drama, especially in blogland, so I chose to just continue on as normal. When one of the hosts, Myra, reached out to me individually to thank me for my participation despite the drama, we started emailing back and forth casually.
I remember it was around Thanksgiving. We were both prepping a ton of food, hosting our own holidays that year. Then, her birthday was coming up. Now, if you know me in real life you know I’m terrible at birthdays, gifts, etc. But I just happened to remember her birthday while I was in Target one afternoon (typical), snatched up a card and gift card and tossed it in the mail. No big deal.
This was also around the time that Jonathan took the job at Campbell. He moved away, leaving me behind in Charlotte, and I was devastated. Myra and I weren’t best friends yet, but I remember her being a positive light in the darkness. Again, if only I’d have known.
In the last four years, this girl has become unmeasurably important to me. She virtually held my hand despite being across the world when I was battling illness in 2013. She cheered me on, pushing me to keep going when I wanted to quit the book. She supported me when I started running, coaching me through the whole process. She cried with me when I lost my dad but brought me joy despite the sadness by gifting me a niece on the day of my father’s funeral.
When I wanted more out of life, she pushed me to start Bliss Creative. She guided me, answered all of my annoying questions, and then shocking me most of all, she agreed to be my partner.
Myra and I have done a lot of life together in the last four years through a computer and phone screen. We’ve developed a friendship unlike any other. We’ve built a successful business. And we’ve blended our families despite having never met.
A few weeks ago, I got a message from Myra’s husband. They live in Amsterdam these days, but they were traveling to Houston to visit family for the holidays.
I think it’s about time you girls meet.
Without ever tipping our hand to Myra, Amir and I orchestrated the biggest surprise of her life. He booked my flight, I grabbed an Airbnb, and I’m actually typing up this post mid-flight. In just a couple hours, I will walk into a restaurant, tap my virtual best friend on the shoulder, and ask if I can join her for breakfast.
When I think about how huge the world is, I recognize the unlikelihood that our paths would have ever crossed without the internet, and that completely boggles my mind. One tiny, insignificant moment after another came together and built something bigger than either of us. And in just a few short hours, I get to hug the crap out of her.
It’s about damn time.
by Joey | Dec 20, 2016 | Real Life
Things are happening around here. Big things. And oddly enough, we just gently tapped them to see what would happen and suddenly things are in motion. Funny how that happens.
I confessed to you in my millennial money matters post that we’ve spent a sickening amount on rent over the last 6.5 years. And yes, while this is true, I must also point out to you that we were in no position to buy as of late.
My football coaching husband’s career had us picking up and moving to God only knows where every 18 months or so. Many times, I wouldn’t even have all the boxes unpacked before it was time to track down the packing tape again. Renting worked for us. Year long leases felt too long and constricting. Let me remind you of the great depression of 2012-13. I was financially tied to a house here in Charlotte, while my husband up and moved away.
The part time job I kept merely paid the rent. I resented waking up every morning to find my husband’s side of the bed empty. I cried on my commute to work every day. That’s what happens when your life plans change only 6 months into a 12 month lease. But luckily, leases end and depressions lift.
But we’re in our thirties now. Our 7th anniversary is in May. (How in the hell is that possible?) And we’re toeing the line of baby? Or no baby? Yes, that’s right my friends, we’re in our thirties and haven’t made up our minds on that one. And that’s okay. Don’t let life and social norms pressure you into a decision you’re not ready to make.
We quickly maxed out our potential in the apartment we’ve been so happy in. Everything felt bigger than us when we first got here. The rent, triple what we were paying in Buies Creek felt like a fun challenge and offered potential for a different kind of life. Apartment hunting felt like trying on different hats. And this one made us feel the most different. We wanted that.
And we got that.
But now, only two short years later, we’re ready to move on. That’s the thing with adulthood, these big changes often approach you without warning. When you’re young, doing life with training wheels, big changes are dressed up as school years and graduations and engagements. Each providing you with the cushion of expectations and time to prepare. Being an adult, I’ve come to realize, is made up primarily of expecting the unexpected and always preparing for what might come next.
The truth is, we’re not buying a house. This might help you understand that decision. But we are moving into a house. A house that will allow us to pay off debts, save to eventually buy a house, and stretch us into the next chapter of our lives. I didn’t see it coming. And I’m sad to leave our little corner of the city. But change has proven to never be a bad thing.
Ready or not. Here we go.
by Joey | Dec 15, 2016 | Real Life
Happy Thursday, pretty friends! I’ll admit, I totally forgot to write a blog post for this morning until I saw Kristin’s post go up. It’s been that kind of week.
Jonathan and I have started house hunting. I know. I know. We moved into this sweet little apartment almost two years ago desperate for city life and to be where the people are. (Yes, I channelled my inner Ariel when we were moving here. Life in Buies Creek will do that to a girl.) But alas, it’s time to move on.
So, if you’re in the Charlotte area looking for a great 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment in South End, hit a girl up. Or if you’re just nosy and want to see what our apartment looks like, go for it. Click that link!
We are so behind on Christmas. I had visions of festivities and cookie baking and gift shopping and well…we’ve done none of it. Aside from putting the tree up, Christmas is painfully devoid from this home. Pumping out a ton of work for Bliss, arranging for a sublet, and looking for a house sure is distracting. But we’re officially done with client work for the remainder of the year. So I think baking some xmas cookies will make it to my todo list today.
My little business has been bringing my heart so much joy. It’s put me in touch with some really awesome people and lead to some amazing opportunities. I drove out to Fort Mill last night to have a little meeting with Whitney (spoiler alert, we’re about to partner up on something huge)! As I sat at her kitchen table, laptops open, discussing business, I felt so happy and proud. We’re doing the damn thing, y’all. It’s scary and big and totally unknown half the time, but my goodness is it worth it.
