by Joey | Apr 4, 2018 | Real Life, Writing
Have you ever felt stuck? You wake up every single day and nothing is different than the day before? You keep promising yourself change, but nothing changes. That was me. Ideas swirled in abundance and the desire burned, but still, I was plagued with inertia. I want ______ and I want ______ I kept telling myself over and over. And while dreaming and identifying your desires are important, they’re simply pieces of a much bigger puzzle.
You can’t live in a state of inaction and expect to live the life you dream of. It’s simply impossible. In order to do the thing you have to do the thing.There were two words placed on my heart at the beginning of this year. DO was one of them. CREATE was the other. So one morning I woke up and said screw it, I’m doing it. I’m just going to create and keep on creating.
I have a somewhat unfortunate but also really exciting secret to share with you. In order to change your life, you have to change your life. I was in a state of waiting. I have no idea what exactly it was I was waiting for, but there I sat, primed and ready. Maybe I was waiting for the right time, a clue from the universe or a publisher to come knocking at my door and beg me to write my next book. Or maybe it was all of the above. The truth is, you’re never going to have what you want unless you take the steps necessary to have what you want.
The sad truth of it all is that change takes work. Change takes change. It’s uncomfortable and scary and chock-full of unknown variables. But if you’re in it for the process instead of the final product or destination, it becomes way less scary.
I like to write. Simple as that. I never feel more like myself than when I’m tapping away at a keyboard. No, I don’t always know what’s going to come in the end. Hell, I wrote Yeah, maybe in 2009/2010 and I’m just now releasing it in paperback. So clearly it wasn’t about the final product in the end. The point was to just do it.
We put way too much pressure on ourselves. We fool ourselves into thinking that everything we do has to be for a greater purpose. What if you just do it because you enjoy it and see what comes of it?
So in an attempt to introduce a much-needed change into my life, I decided to challenge myself into making writing a daily habit again. 1500 words a day for 30 days = a book.
People have been asking for a second book. I’ve been wanting to write a second book. So, writing the book seemed like the most logical next step. This draft doesn’t have to be anything amazing, I just have to do it. Once it’s all down on paper, it’s much easier to develop it into something people might actually want to read. But if kept sitting idle in my state of waiting, nothing was ever going to happen.
So maybe you’re waiting for permission. Maybe you’re waiting for a sign. Maybe you’re waiting for someone to tell you to just do the damn thing. Consider this all of those things.
Just do the thing, friend.
My deadline is May 6th. If you care to join me in your own 30-day project, comment down below. I’d be happy to act as an accountability partner for anyone willing to take the steps necessary to change their lives.
You can do it, I believe in you.
by Joey | Mar 30, 2018 | Advice, Creative Entrepreneur
You’re busy. I’m busy. We’re all freaking busy. At any given moment countless tasks are vying for your attention. There’s a lot going on, and you’re having a hard time balancing it all. Overwhelmed. Still, you have a dream in mind. There’s a little nagging thought asking you what if…
What if you wrote that book?
What if you started that Youtube channel?
What if you started that business?
What if you illustrated that children’s book?
What if you started painting seriously again?
What if…
What if…
What if…
But you dismiss the voice because obviously you don’t have time for any of the things that you want because you’re so busy!
It’s easy to look at other people doing the things you want to do and making excuses for them. Well, they have time because it’s their job. Sure, I could find time to write, too, if I was doing it full-time. But the problem with that is very few of those people got to that point without first balancing all the things.
There’s a secret I feel like most people don’t talk about when it comes to making things happen. That leap between day job and full-time dreamer looks like a whole lot of hard work.They made time for the things that helped them achieve their goals, and you can, too.
A friend messaged me last week asking how I make time to write. I’ve got a lot going on at the moment, and if I’m honest–writing usually is the first thing to get nixed from my todo list. I enjoy it the most, but bills have to get paid and there’s always something “more important” that needs my attention.
But at the start of this year, I set some intentions for myself. Like I’ve mentioned before, I spent a lot of last year aimlessly driving forward without any real clear direction. The only “goal” was to survive. But I got fed up with that reality. I didn’t want to let another year go by where I didn’t make my dreams come true. But first, I had to decide what those dreams were. And so do you.
I think we get confused by the fact that we can have multi-level goals. Or at least, I did. My daily goals look a lot different than my monthly goals, yearly goals, and ultimate goals. But what I’m going to focus on today is the ultimate goal.
For me, the ultimate goal is to be a career author.
Once I knew what the ultimate goal was, I had a few decisions to make. I obviously can’t just up and quit my job to start writing books full time. But, what I can do is start making sure I’m prioritizing the steps that’ll get me to that point and make time for those steps in my daily life.
If you’re waiting for the time to present itself to you, you’ll never get anywhere. You’re always going to be busy. Something is always going to come up. So instead, you have to make a commitment to make the time.
Let’s quickly chat goal setting:
- Know what you want.
- Break that goal into realistic, actionable steps.
- Make the commitment.
- Keep showing up.
Now that you know what you want, how do you make the time to make it happen?.
- Recognize that you actually have the time. Yup, I’m sorry but it’s true. You have time. Sure, you may have to trade one thing for the other, but the time is there somewhere.
- Determine why you want what you want. Without knowing and believing in your why, you’re never going to get very far. The want has to be there. It just has to. It has to override everything else. So find out your why and let that continue to drive you.
- Make it a priority. Now that you know why you want it, you should have an easier time of it making it a priority. I’m not talking the kind of priority you like to tell people about. No. I’m talking the kind of priority like taking your dog out to pee or feeding your kids. Make it a non-negotiable priority.
- Choose wisely. Every second of every day, you’re faced with decisions that ultimately trade time. When you start to think about everything from the perspective of the amount of time you’ll have to trade for it, things start to look a lot different. Are you tempted to scroll instagram while you wait for your order at Starbucks? Probably. How much time will you trade? 6 minutes? You could probably complete one task that propels you toward your goal in that time. Even for me, as a writer, I know I can hammer out a good 100+ words in 6 minutes.
- Start saying no. This one comes up a lot, but it’s a really powerful tool in making things happen. When you stop saying yes to things that hold you back in one way or another, you’ll start to find a whole heck of a lot of time.
Still having a hard time making time?
Run everything through a filter. Ask yourself some important questions before you decide to commit your time to anything:
- Does saying yes to this bring me closer to my goals?
- Does saying yes to this hinder my chances of reaching my goals?
- Does saying yes to this bring me joy? Do I want to do this?
- Does saying yes to this cause me great sacrifice either short-term or in the long run.
Personal casestudy:
Ultimate goal: Become a career author.
Goal objective: Up my output
Goal breakdown: Publish at least two books each year.
Realistic, actionable tasks:
*Write 1500 words per day for 40 consecutive days twice per year.
*Commit 60 days each round to intensive revisions.
*Create repeatable marketing strategy
When: From 5:30-8:00AM weekdays. 7:00-9:00AM weekends.
I hope this post helps you to start making the time to go after what you want! I promise you have it in you. And I extra promise you actually have the time. You just need to get very intentional with how you spend it! Comment below and tell me something you want to make the time for this year!
by Joey | Mar 26, 2018 | Real Life
Well hello there! I’ve got my coffee cup and no agenda. It’s just me and my thoughts today–who’s ready for a little catch up?
Apparently I’m a 90 year old because I hurt my hip. I’ve been hobbling around since Friday. How did I hurt it? Your guess is as good as mine. I went on a nice 4 mile walk with a friend on Friday afternoon–but seriously, body? You’re going to fall apart on me because of a walk? ::hangs head in shame::
We finally went on a vacation. If you’ve been hanging around for a while, you’ll know that Jonathan and I went to NYC for my 30th birthday in 2016. 2016! That was our last vacation. So at the start of this year we sat down with a calendar and actually planned out a vacation. We went back to Charleston for the first proper time since 2012. (I say properly because we went back in 2015 for a wedding–but we weren’t in the downtown area.) Man, has that city changed. We used to spend a lot of time there back in college, and all our nostalgic places were gone. 😩 We finally asked what the deal was, and a bartender explained that since it’s been rated the #1 vacation spot in the US two years in a row, all the businesses are capitalizing on the tourism and building rents are skyrocketing. It was a little heartbreaking, but I guess like with most things, it can’t stay the same forever.
My book is finally coming out in paperback. I know a lot of you are probably like enough already! Yes, I published the book as an e-book back in 2014–but it’s a totally different experience releasing a physical book. This feels real to me. This feels like a dream realized. It’s available for pre-order at the moment, and all pre-orders are signed copies. So I’ve been spending my free time freaking signing books. And if I’m 100% honest, I can’t believe any of it. It’s a really important physical reminder to myself that we can really do anything we want. W e can really make our dreams come true, friends. Sometimes the journey doesn’t look the way you thought it would. But at the end of the day, dreams realized are dreams realized. If you want a signed copy of your own, grab it here.
I’m getting back into cooking again. When we lived in Buies Creek, we ate every single meal at home. Jonathan and I are both pretty decent and adventurous cooks and often find ourselves slightly disappointed with expensive meals out; we always expect a bit more. Eating out (or grabbing take out) is just so dang convenient though. I’ve made a conscious effort to get back into meal planning and to spend more time in the kitchen, and I’ve really been enjoying it.
Our house is becoming a home. This May, Jonathan and I will celebrate our 8 year wedding anniversary. We’ve moved 6 times in those 8 years. Needless to say, we hardly ever unpack every box, and we certainly don’t mess with hanging things on the walls. But we’re finally settling down a bit here in Charlotte. We’ve already been back for three years (how?) so it seems like we might be here to stay for a bit. (Now that I’ve said that, watch us pick up and move again. 😂) Anyway, we rented a house just outside the city last winter, and we finally just started turning the place into a home. I had no idea how different a place could feel once you start to make it your own. (Plain beige walls will apparently make you crazy after a while.)
I lost my digital voice for a hot minute. It was really discouraging to look back at this blog for the year of 2017 and see that I hardly showed up. I know I was busy doing other things, but this space has always been a priority for me. I’m glad to be back. I’ve had a lot of questions about my social media detox and the kind of effect it had. I only detoxed from The Big Three (ha, unintentional This Is Us reference): Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. So I still allowed myself to read blogs. Back in the day, blogging was the only real way to get a glimpse inside someone’s life. But now with social media, there are a hundred different ways for us to share. I found that even though I was reading blogs, I wasn’t feeling connected to anyone. I’m 100% guilty of not always breaking down the wall and truly sharing in this space. I enjoy writing articles on topics that are important to me. But I need to remember to just show up sometimes, raw and vulnerable. I’ll try to do more of that this year.
Okay, that’s all I have for today I think. What’s been going on with you guys? Catch me up!
**Shameless plug because I have to: if you want a signed copy of Yeah, maybe, you can snag one here!**
by Joey | Mar 23, 2018 | Creative Entrepreneur
Is it just me or does anyone else feel like a little elf came into their house in the middle of the night and swapped out their coffee with decaf? Regardless, it’s been one heck of a productive week around here, and praise be–it’s FRIDAY! I gave a little presentation on Wednesday to a group of badass business ladies all about boundaries, time management and productivity (it’s kind of my thing). In conversation later that day, one attendee shared that the most valuable nugget of information they got out of the presentation was the concept of categorizing their calendar blocks.
I’ve used these tricks for years, so it never occurred to me that it might be a new concept to someone else. I’ll admit, I sometimes feel a bit fraudy when I share tips and tricks with people because this all seems so second nature to me that it seems almost silly to share. But it got me thinking that maybe you could benefit from this little tactic.
First, what is calendar blocking?
The premise of calendar blocking is to basically list out all of your weekly commitments, prioritize them, then scheduled those commitments into your calendar starting with your highest priorities first. It’s a great visual representation of how much time certain tasks take up, and it’s a great way to filter out the not-so-important tasks as you start to see your calendar space filling up.
It’s important to remember that every task on your todo list will actually take time. So the concept of calendar blocking is a great way to visualize how those tasks will play into your week.
Okay, what do you mean by categorizing your calendar blocks?
Alright, bear with me here a second. Probably not much unlike you, I wear a lot of different hats throughout the week. At any given time, you can find me doing any number of things from coaching clients to sweeping the floors. (I know, glamorous, right?💁🏻♀️) So this anxiety prone plan-a-holic likes to know what to expect from her weeks.
But over time, I’ve come to learn a few things.
- Things will always get added to my todo list throughout the week. Urgent things. Important things. Urgent things that are important. You get my drift.
- I do not shift gears well. Not to say that I can’t, but I’ve just found that I am far more productive when I group like tasks together.
So, in order to still plan out my weeks even when I don’t know 100% exactly what’s going to come at me–and in an attempt to protect my productivity, I categorize my calendar blocks! The main productivity categories I have are:
- #focusedwork
- #unfocusedwork
- #writing
I have others, but these babies are the ones who see the most action (and, in my opinion, are the most important. Shh, don’t tell the others. And yes, I use #hashtages because sadly, I’m a #millennial).
How Categorized Calendar Blocks Work
I usually take Saturday mornings to plan out the week ahead. (Coffee in hand, please!) I’ll write out all the various things I have going on in the coming week in list form. I include everything: appointments, housekeeping tasks, errands, and all the work things. Like traditional calendar blocking, I go ahead and schedule all the appointments into my calendar first. Fun fact: I have certain parts of my week/day reserved for potential client meetings. Because of that, I make sure to never schedule a #focusedwork session during that time (#focusedwork is sacred), but I do sometimes schedule #unfocusedwork just in case appointments don’t pop up and I have time on my hands.
First, here’s what my categories mean:
- #focusedwork: This guy is the head honcho. He’s the prince of productivity. This block means I’m here to work and I’M NOT PLAYING GAMES! The kind of work that falls into this category for me is anything I mark as “urgent & important.” It’s reserved for the tasks that are the most time-sensitive, goal-driven, and/or deadlined. This work has to get done no ifs, ands, or buts about it.
- #unfocusedwork: These tasks are important, but they’re not urgent. If I make these things happen this week, I’m ahead of the game. (Woohoo!) I let my guard down a little bit with these blocks. I can be in a room with people. I don’t necessarily need headphones in. If I’m at a coffee shop and run into a friend, I’ll gladly invite them to join me and co-work.
- #writing: This one might seem a little self-explanatory, but ultimately–this is book writing. I typically only schedule these blocks reaaaaaaally early in the morning or after dinner. It’s sacred time, but it’s not usually part of my general workday.
So after I schedule all my appointments for the week, I start blocking off large chunks of time for the general categories. #focusedwork always gets first dibs. Then it’s #unfocused work. Once I have everything blocked off, I go in with and schedule the specific tasks over top of the block. It’ll end up looking something like this:
The main reason I started categorizing my blocks was because I was tired of running out of time. Basically, I use the category blocks to reserve time for the tasks that I know will start to filter in as the week gets started. This little trick has been really helpful for me, and it allows for me to still feel like I’m managing my week on the offense. Let me know if you give this a try!
If you need some help regaining control of your day, week, or business, you need a boundary boss coaching sessions!
by Joey | Mar 19, 2018 | Joyful by Design, Real Life
Stop making yourself small. Stop holding yourself back. Stop selling yourself short. This life you’re living? It’s yours. All yours. You get to decide what you want to do with it. You have the power and the ability to do anything you want. Stop believing that voice inside your head that’s saying you’re not good enough.
What’s that thing you want? You know the one–the one you keep dismissing. You don’t have time. You don’t know how. You’re worried people will judge you. Stop the excuses. Your life isn’t up to anyone but you. And you want to know something? People will judge until they see you succeed, and then they’ll wish they did it too.
Maybe people have said things to you, joking or not, that have stuck with you. Maybe you’ve made mistakes and don’t believe you deserve the kind of life you want. Maybe you aren’t sure you can do it. Maybe, if you’re anything like how I used to be, you truly believe that everyone else just gets to have the things you want. Not you.
A bit of a confession? I’ve been in counseling the last several months. With a big push from those who love me the most, I stumbled into a warm, peaceful office with a giant white couch. It looked strangely similar to the kind of therapist’s office you’d see on TV–but somehow that felt comforting to me.
I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last few months. But most importantly? I learned that I have a tendency to make decisions that ultimately protect and serve the needs and feelings of others over myself. Now, that’s not me tooting my own horn here and saying omg look how selfless I am. In fact, quite the opposite. Though that might sound like a decent quality to have, it’s actually one of the main issues my therapist and I are working on. Do you know what happens when you put everyone, and I mean literally everyone first before yourself? Bad things, friends. Bad things.
You end up living inside of decisions that make you a little bit miserable. And then you start resenting the very things you were doing to quote unquote “help someone else.” You end up designing a life for yourself based on what other people need from you. Based on what you think you need to be for other people. And while that might sound noble in your head, stop.
The truth is friend, we can’t change what’s gone on in our pasts. We can’t get that time back. But what we can do is stop beating ourselves up about it and stop wasting the time we have now.
Every single morning, you’re offered a beautiful fresh batch of hours to do anything you want with. Now, sure. Some of those may be dedicated to a day job. Bills have to get paid. This isn’t me telling you to skirt off and knock off on all of your responsibilities. No. But what you can do is be more intentional with the time you have. And you can most certainly stop wasting time doubting yourself or limiting yourself.
Listen to me. Doing what is right for you, even if that means disappointing people in the process, isn’t comfortable. It’s a hard cycle to break. But taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. Stop minimizing yourself to make those around you more comfortable. That has got to stop.
If you’re someone that’s been nodding along with this post internally screaming A-M-E-N, I wish I could grab you by the shoulders, look you in the eye, and tell you we can do this together. Because living your life for everyone else is effing exhausting. Trust me, you don’t want to get to the point of a nervous breakdown only to then find yourself sat on a couch telling some stranger with a clipboard that your life’s a mess. (Though, if you are at that point, please go talk to someone. There is absolutely zero shame in getting the help you need. I wish I hadn’t waited so long.)
Just stop the BS and start living.
I stopped with the BS and finally found the courage to have my YA novel released in print! You can pre-order a signed copy HERE!
