by Joey | Jul 3, 2019 | Creative Entrepreneur
In June of 2017, I wrote in my journal I feel like we’re on the brink of something–both with [Business name] and Jonathan’s job. The crazy thing is, my intuition was spot on. The bad thing is, I didn’t realize then that we were on the brink of calamity. It was only five months later that I wrote this entry:
November 15, 2017: I feel numb. I finally shut up long enough to listen rather than ask. And I was told to let go. I know leaving [company name] is the right move, but it doesn’t mean this is easy. This has been a doozy of a year, and I am ready for whatever 2018 has in store.
In the months between those two entries, my whole world got flipped upside down. My husband lost his job. My mom, who is my only remaining parent, had major back surgery and I came home to care for her, and my business grew so quickly that I was buried in work. Buried.
I feel like the breakdown came on suddenly, like the flu. One minute I was fine and the next I just wasn’t. But the reality is, the breakdown was a result of all the tiny little things compounding; a game of Tetris I was slowly losing. I was happy doing all the things and being everything to everyone. But somewhere along the way, a turbo switch got flipped and I was powerless to slow things down, much less stop them. Like a tire with a slow leak, eventually, I had nothing left inside. Deflated, exhausted, sick and useless.
I couldn’t breathe. An old GI illness flared. And I constantly felt like my heart was going to blast right out of my chest. Despite feeling the worst I ever felt in my life, I couldn’t slow down. I couldn’t take a sick day or a vacation. I couldn’t find reprieve. And the worst part is: I’d done it all to myself.
WHAT WENT WRONG?
Probably not unlike a lot of you, I started my business to build in the flexibility my life required. Also probably not unlike many of you, when the company first started, I was obsessed with it. I couldn’t work enough. I was never tired. I collected clients like kids of the 90s collected pogs. If someone was willing to pay, I was willing to do the work. I was eager to prove to myself and everyone else that I could, in fact, really do this thing. The problem is, once the thing really took off, I didn’t have anything in place to protect myself. The business didn’t crash and burn. I did.
WORTH ENTANGLEMENT
The first thing worth mentioning, which I believe is at the root of this entire issue, was that I measured my worth by my productivity. This is an easy trap to fall into as an entrepreneur because typically, our dollar bills are literally attached to the amount we accomplish. And I was so desperate to make the thing work that I threw myself into the business 100%. Dedication and discipline are great qualities as an entrepreneur, but you have to draw the line somewhere, and I didn’t. I was my business. My business was me. And that entanglement, my friends, will derail your life. You cannot and should not attach your worth to the success of your business, your productivity, or really anything that can vary day by day. It was this entanglement that fueled everything for me.
FLAWED SYSTEM
As a client-serving business owner, you wear all of the hats. You are the client relationship manager, the admin, the billing specialist, oh…and you have to actually like deliver the work they’ve paid for. A ton of work goes into a client relationship. I thought I did a good job trying to anticipate all the things, but in reality, I’d never actually run a business before. The first year in business was a huge learning curve. Establishing precedent and systems for all the things took up a lot of time. Doing all the work also took up a lot of time. And mind you, these things were getting established on the fly as issues came up.
I was also terribly unaware of bandwidth. Because I’d never done this before, I had no idea what the average lifecycle of a standard client was or what that relationship would actually look like. So while there were systems in place, those systems ultimately didn’t really serve or protect me–just the client.
HALF-BAKED BOUNDARIES
Here’s the thing. The business wasn’t without its structure and boundaries. There were things like client communication guidelines and standard procedures in place, but there was one major critical error: I, personally, didn’t have any boundaries with the business. The structure and procedures that were in place were solely looking out for the client and our standard business operations. I honestly didn’t know enough about running a business to understand that I also needed to set these things up with myself in mind, too. It’s important to note here also that this company launched in the age of hustle glorification. I believed in order to be successful that I had to be slightly miserable. Dreams don’t work unless you do, after all. 🙄 HEAR ME WHEN I SAY THIS, PLEASE:
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HUSTLE FOR YOUR WORTH!
I didn’t know about my go-hard tendencies yet. I wasn’t in-tune with my working preferences or my most productive hours. I didn’t take the time to get to know myself as a business owner and establish a process that allowed for me to best serve my clients and protect the way I preferred to work. I haphazardly threw procedures into place as issues would arise never once considering what those things would mean for me as a business owner.
I introduced zero white space. I was scheduled to the max and completely overloaded. I took on every client that came my way and went above and beyond for each and every one of them. I woke up working. I fell asleep at my desk. I came home after a 20 hour day at the hospital where my mother just had major surgery and hopped in a Zoom call to launch a client’s website. I. Had. Not. A. Single. Personal. Boundary. In. Place.
It’s hard to envision business ownership as anything other than a sprint, especially when you’re first getting started. Establishing effective policies and procedures takes a lot of work and effort and good googly moogly, they aren’t sexy in the least. Taking the time to understand who you are, what you prefer, how you actually want to work and the potential issues that might arise won’t just set your business up for success, it’ll set you up for success in your business.
There are so many things I would have done differently with my first business, but implementing this foundation is at the top of that list. In fact, it was this foundation alone that gave me the courage and confidence to give entrepreneurship another go. After my experience with burnout, I’m sure you can understand my hesitation. But I’m happy to report that 1.5 years in, this foundation is still solidly in place and offers not just me but all of my clients as well the freedom we so desperately crave in our businesses.
by Joey | Jun 25, 2019 | Creative Entrepreneur
I did a lot of dreaming in the final weeks of my day job. I tried my hardest to envision what my life would look like once I was a full-time creative entrepreneur. What would my days look like? One cool thing about being your own boss is that you’re in total control: there’s no one there telling you what to do. But without the proper structure and discipline, that very same cool feature can also lead to rapid failure if you’re not careful. I knew going into this endeavor that failure simply wasn’t an option. I couldn’t afford to fail. And I definitely wasn’t going to let a lack of preparation and planning be the cause of my failure. So I did what I do best: I made a plan and mapped out my dream workday.
Preparing to map your dream workday:
Get to know yourself
I worked a variety of jobs in the decade leading up to my entrepreneurial journey. From nanny to cupcakery manager and pretty much everything in between. My mom lovingly referred to me as a fish out of water. Little did we know how right she was until I finally took the plunge. It would be easy for me to look at my first decade of job experience as a frustrating waste of time. But something really good came of it: I got to try out a bunch of different ways to work. And in that period of exploration, I discovered a lot about myself
- The type of work I enjoy doing
- The type of work I’m good at (which is not always one in the same as the work I enjoy…)
- When and where I’m most productive
- When and where I tend to be the most creative
- What I cannot stand doing
- Which distractions have the most power
Self-reflection is vital when it comes to setting yourself up for success. Because we’re all unique, what works for me might not work for you and vice versa. I have a friend who consistently works from her couch with the TV on all day long for background noise. That sounds like my perfect recipe for an unproductive disaster. But my quiet, isolated office is her nightmare. Different folks. Different strokes.
Understand the point
While it’s super fun to get dreamy, I believe it’s actually essential to get an idea of what your dream workday looks like. Why? Because without an awareness of how you want to show up every day, you run the risk of establishing habits and routines that you don’t love and don’t work for you. Your dream workday map serves two important purposes:
1. To optimize your productivity
2. To optimize your joy
It’s also critical to recognize that this sketch of your dream workday is simply a guideline. It’s designed to help you make stragetic decisions about how you spend your time and where/when to schedule things in. While I wish I could fit every single workday into the structure of this map, that’s just not possible. A blessing (and a curse) of entrepreneurship is that no two days are ever really the same. But you can do a lot of intentional decision making and scheduling with your dream workday in mind.
My dream workday
Up & at ’em
It’s 5:15 AM. I have a steaming hot cup of coffee and at the kitchen table with my Bible and journal. I spend about 20 minutes in the word while I have my coffee. I then take some time to write my gratitude list. I don’t worry about any responsibilities at this time. This is my time. There will be a time for things like face washing and getting dressed. This is not that time. I fill this space; showing up in my most vulnerable state. After I write my gratitude list, I spend three minutes free-writing in my journal. At this time, if I feel like catching up on Youtube or blogs or the internets, I do. It’s my time, after all.
Let’s get movin’
It’s 6:30 AM. The dog needs to go outside. I need basic hygiene and probably something to eat. I take the next 30-60 minutes to get myself ready for the day depending on what I have going on.
The grind
It’s 7-7:30 AM. I’m dressed at behind the computer ready for the workday. My typical location is my home office, but sometimes I might migrate to a coffee shop, cafe or coworking space. My wardrobe consists of jeans, cute tees and comfortable shoe (or let’s be real: barefoot/socks). If I have an out-of-the-office meeting, I might get fancy with things and put on a dress. Probably not, though.
The first thing I focus on is something creative like blog content or an internal project. If I’m in the midst of a book project, the first hour of my workday is dedicated to writing my daily words.
8-8:30 AM: Log into emails, Slack and Asana; spend an hour communicating and addressing client needs.
9 AM – 12 PM: Client work & client meetings/sessions
12-1 PM lunch (DO IT JOEY. STOP AND EAT SOME DANG FOOD. I MEAN IT.)
1-3 PM: Client meetings/sessions; client work, creative projects
Switch gears
it’s 4PM and the workday is over. To switch gears, I change my clothes and get movin’ by either going for a run, attending a workout class, doing yoga, something active. After my workout, I take my shower, change into lounge clothes, and start prepping dinner. Work mode: deactivated.
Evening
It’s 5-5:30 PM. I’m working on dinner, cleaning up around the house and possibly drinking a beer or glass of wine. The husband might be on his way home, he might not be. I spend my evening eating and intentionally relaxing by either watching a TV show, reading a book, catching up with friends, etc.
Winding down
It’s 9 PM, and I’m a grandma so I make my way upstairs. I brush my teeth, put in my retainer (bc I’m super cool), and climb into bed. I take my sleeping pill and read until 10 PM. FRIENDS of HIMYM on and LIGHTS OUT. #goodnight
Now it’s your turn! Use this download to discover your own dream workday.
by Joey | Jun 20, 2019 | Advice, Joyful by Design
As a life coach who specializes in boundaries, you’d assume I’m team “let go of all that doesn’t serve you.” And I am…kind of. In the year I’ve been professionally coaching, I’ve come to the understanding that far too many of us definitely have a death grip on things that are 1) no longer serving us and 2) actually hurting us. And yes, the healthiest thing to do in most of these cases is to make a clean break. Let that shit go. But this blanket let go of all that isn’t serving you phenomenon that’s sweeping social media right now has the potential to be detrimental. And I want to carefully point out that risk before things get really out of hand.
THERE IS A FINE BALANCE TO KNOWING WHEN YOU SHOULD LET SOMETHING GO AND WHEN YOU SHOULD POWER THROUGH WITH THE INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE CONVERSATIONS.
I’m worried we’re going to create a society where we all just cut and run. Just because something upsets you or makes you uncomfortable does not mean it no longer serves you. If someone in your life made a mistake or a poor decision, that doesn’t necessarily mean you should pull a bye, Felicia. If someone is holding you to a higher standard and pressing for you to be better (because they know you can do better), that doesn’t always warrant your disappearing act.
DON’T SIDESTEP VALUABLE GROWTH BY SIMPLY LETTING GO OF WHAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.
While truly letting go is very rarely easy, I do believe that as a culture we are dangerously close to employing a standard “ghosting” method any time something doesn’t go our way. Disappointment, frustration and upset are regular components to important relationships. And if we simply take an exit when those things present throughout the journey of a relationship, we risk waking up sad and very alone one day.
Understand me when I say this, I am not encouraging you to stay in an unhealthy relationship or situation. I am simply asking that we all employ a little (or honestly, a lot) of critical thinking when it comes to making the decision to let something go.
A fact that I’m worried is getting disregarded in our let everything go frenzy is that there are some things worth fighting for. There are some things to which we are responsible. I’m not saying stay because there’s an obligation. (If you know me in real life, you know that unwarranted obligations are a trigger for me.) But we risk developing an incredibly selfish society if we’re all so committed to just ducking out and severing ties any time we’re made to feel less than awesome. There is value to being committed to seeing things through, even if and when they get difficult. But that’s where the fine balance comes into play. And that’s when it becomes incredibly important to employ critical thinking. Because the line between this is uncomfortable and therefore it hurts and this hurts and it’s making me miserable and there’s nothing more I can do here is very, very fine. And ultimately, you’re the only person who can make that judgement call. But when it comes time to making that kind of decision, I would encourage you to seek outside counsel. Whether that’s from a trusted friend, parent, mentor, life coach or therapist is your call to make.
Keep in mind, we tend to go to those for counsel whom we feel will take our side with things. So I want you to open your heart and mind and turn to someone you can trust to be open, honest and real with you. Because sometimes we need to be called out. Sometimes we’re the one who has the problem, making a situation toxic. And if we just cut and run every time things go sideways, we’ll never learn or improve.
IS IT ACTUALLY TIME TO LET GO?
Letting go and truly removing someone or something from your life is a process. But the first step is to make an assessment to determine if letting go is the right and healthy thing to do. Take some time to reflect on the following:
- What is it about this situation that has you considering whether or not you should let it go?
- Is this patterned behavior? (Meaning, cyclical. You’ve been here time and time again with this person with the same or similar results every time.)
- In what ways is this person or situation causing detriment to your life?
- Do you feel there is any value to salvaging the situation or relationship? If so, what?
- If no, what value is there in letting the situation go? Envision what your new reality would look like.
- By letting this go, what would you be missing?
- By letting this go, what would you be gaining?
- Are there any ripple effects to letting this go, whether good or bad? If so, what are they? How will you handle those?
- Do you feel there are any alternatives to letting this person or situation go completely? What boundaries, if any, could you put in place to improve this situation?
There is a lot to consider when making this kind of decision, but these points are a great way to navigate the beginning stages of this process.
I am a firm believer in letting go of what truly isn’t serving you any longer. You deserve to live the kind of life you want. But I also believe in order to accomplish that, you need to employ the letting go tactic with care.
by Joey | Jun 19, 2019 | Creative Entrepreneur
It was a Thursday night, which meant I was walking into RuSans, my favorite sushi place, just like I did every Thursday to meet my friends for dinner. But this time, things were different. I climbed into the barstool next to my friend.
“It’s just me tonight,” she said, sliding her menu over to me even though we both knew I’d be ordering the Gladiator roll. She noticed the look on my face. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t do it anymore,” I huffed, grabbing my glass of water and taking a sip. “But I have to. Ya know? This is my life. I wake up. I go to work and do all the things. I come home to even more work and even more things. Then I wake up and do it all again the next day. I’m exhausted.”
“You’re miserable,” she stated matter of factly.
She wasn’t wrong. I was miserable. I had a good job working for good people, but my heart wasn’t there anymore. Instead, my heart was in the company I’d been slowly bringing to life for months and months.
“Quit,” she told me. “It’s time.” This friend is the most responsible person I know. So careful and intentional with every dollar and decision. The yin to my wild and crazy yang.
Panic clenched my throat. “No way. I can’t. We count on my income,” I explained. “It’s not the right time.” This is a conversation that my friends and I had been having in one form or another for several months. It always ended with me sucking it up and trudging through. But in the comfort of a one-on-one dinner date, my friend took the conversation to a new level.
“What’s in your savings?” A bold question, but I expected nothing less from my practical friend. She knew I’d been tucking money away in hopes of someday making the leap. I told her. “Okay. You’re writing your resignation tonight.” I stared at her blankly. “You have your buffer. You’re covered” she told me. “Quit.”
Did you know that when panic and excitement blend together you get a powerful cocktail that numbs you from the inside out? No? Well, if you’re about to quit your day job, you’ll know soon enough.
I went home that night and wrote my resignation. The next day, I stood across from my boss, a woman I respected so much who only 13 months earlier offered me a job that changed my life. I cried the ugly kind of tears where snot drips out your nose, and I offered them a thirty days notice. There it was. A deadline. From that moment, the adrenaline started pumping and three years later, I’m still waiting for it to stop.
MAKING THE JUMP FROM SIDE HUSTLE TO FULL-TIME GIG
First of all, if you’re on the brink of this move congratulations! You should be very, very proud of yourself. And yes, it’s totally normal to feel scared. Throat a little dry? Does everything feel sort of tingly? Worried you might be having a stroke? Bingo. You’re right on track. (Jokes. Well, kind of.)
I hope this goes without saying, but in the event that it does not, I’m just going to put it out there. You do not have to quit your day job to do this thing. There is nothing, and I repeat N-O-T-H-I-N-G wrong with keeping your day job. I am in no way advocating for you to quit your job. You have to do what is right for you and your family.
But if you’ve decided that going full-time is the right move for you, here are some things that can help you make that jump successfully.
Manage your mindset
Working from home and working for yourself, in theory, sound really dreamy. Pajamas and flexibility and coffee shops. But if you jump from day job to full-time side hustle with that mindset, things can spiral quickly. At the end of the day, your new full-time gig is a job. And you need to treat it as such. Yes, flexibility and athleisure may be included (and those things are dreamy), but go into it treating it no differently than you would treat your previous traditional day job. What does this mean? Well, it means you’re in charge so you’ll have to employ some critical thinking when it comes to your decision making.
If you’re constantly flitting off to go shopping or ditching work to lay out at the pool, nothing will ever get done. Beyond that, if you continually push your work aside to accommodate others, not only will you not get anything done, the people in your life will never respect the fact that you have a job to do.
Your side hustle is now your job. Show up and take it seriously. No one else will unless you do.
Have a plan
Listen, I get it. Plans are not exactly sexy to a creative entrepreneur. And I’m probably putting myself into the minority camp by saying I don’t really believe in business plans (I think they box you in too much). But I do believe in knowing what you’re doing for the foreseeable future. Yes, flexibility is fun and awesome, but all that free, open space can paralyze you if you don’t know what to do when. So, make a plan. Decide how you intend to spend your hours and days.
This is a pen to paper situation. Get a general understanding of what it’s going to take to do this thing. We’re talking from scheduling social media to hosting meetings. Make a list. The scary fun part here is that you probably won’t know all that it’s going to take at this point. And that’s okay. The point here is to have a general idea and make a loose plan of what you can expect to be doing day to day.
Be ready to work
You knew this was coming, didn’t you? Along with the mindset and the plan, you have to come ready to work. The work you’re doing is probably going to feel fun. In fact, it might even feel wrong for a hot minute. We’re so programmed to hate what we do that strangely, making this mindset shift takes some effort. But fun or not, you will probably work harder, especially these first few months, than you ever have before. So be prepared for that. If you think quitting your day job translates to laying in bed all day eating bonbons (sidebar–has anyone ever even eaten a bonbon?) you won’t get far.
It’s also incredibly important to note here that it’s very easy to let the pendulum swing too far in the wrong direction here. If you’re anything like me, as you’re starting out you might obsess over being taken seriously. And that might cause you to work from sun up to sun down. And you might find that you feel like you have to hustle for your worth. I did. And because of that, I burnt out hard and landed myself in breakdown town. Discover and implement a healthy balance for yourself here. Please. If that’s something you need (or think you need) help with, get in touch.
Give yourself an intentional buffer
I’m a firm believer in creating the space necessary. If you’re filling all your space and time with the things you don’t want, you won’t have room for the things you do want. But it’s also important to protect yourself. Be smart, please. Don’t jump into a situation that’s going to put you at immediate risk. Leaving your day job and going all in on your side hustle is risky enough. Don’t make this situation any riskier than it needs to be. Plan for it. Prepare for it.
Determine your living expenses and intentionally put money aside for this specific reason. Yes, have your regular savings account. It’s always good to have your standard buffer. But this buffer is a little different.
As a creative, pressure can be good. But intense pressure can quickly turn into paralysis. You need to give yourself the space and time you need to get established. I would recommend having at least 3-6 months of your full living expenses saved up for this jump. This is money you will likely have to touch, so you may not want to use your already existing savings account.
Establish structure with systems & processes
If you haven’t caught the drift yet, the key to making a successful leap from side hustle to full-time is to take yourself (and your business) seriously. You’ve been working hard in the in-between hours up until this point, so I have no doubts that you can pull this off. But in order to ensure your success, get serious about how your business operates. Make important decisions about how you plan to communicate with your clients and your business hours. Think through your customer’s journey and all the various ways they touch your business to establish a process you (and they) can rely on.
With that process in mind, think through ways to simplify and automate with systems. These systems and processes will offer you (and your clients) dependable structure. Trust me, potential clients will see you as far more credible and trustworthy with an intentional process in place.
These are the things that were crucial for me when it came time to making the leap from side hustle to full-time. And I hope they’re helpful for you as well. If you’re contemplating making the jump, snag your freebie planning guide below!
by Joey | Jun 11, 2019 | Joyful by Design
Oh friends. This post is coming to you from a burning deep in my heart. These thoughts have been swirling for some time, but I’ve been unable to pinpoint exactly what it is I want to say on the subject. But after a sleepless night that prompted a 4AM dive down an internet drama rabbit hole, here we are. So, let’s chat about limiting beliefs and comparison, especially in the creative entrepreneur space.
Limiting beliefs: the poison
Any human with a pulse has suffered a limiting belief or two. It’s in our nature to question things, especially ourselves. Limiting beliefs are totally and completely normal. But where they become a problem is if they fully dictate your existence. Are they playing on a loop, hushed self-deprecating one liners repeating in the background of your mind day in and day out? Are they guiding your decisions? Are they fueling a fear that keeps you paralyzed, stuck in a life you can’t stomach anymore? I’m willing to bet that at least once you’ve allowed your limiting beliefs to drop you smack dab in the middle of a pity party: table for 1 sad sack who will never be good enough please. We beat ourselves up and exert so much energy convincing ourselves we’ll never amount to anything.
Why?
There are a number of reasons these limiting beliefs creep in and poison our lives. Some are products of the things we’ve been told about ourselves. Our subconscious holds onto those things then uses them to make up the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. Others are products of the so-called proof we’ve collected throughout our lives. For example: Maybe your limiting belief is that you’re bad with money, and your 0 balance bank account provides that proof.
The psychology behind limiting beliefs is truly fascinating. And if you have the desire and/or time, I’d encourage you to do a little digging on the subject. But the important take away here is that these limiting beliefs didn’t just crop up suddenly. No. They’ve been brewing for a long, long time. And undoing them, unlearning them, will take time. But first, you need to diagnose them.
Comparison: the culprit
A lot of times, our silly little brains will use comparison as a way to collect all that proof we just talked about. You know, the proof that you’ll never measure up. Comparison has been plaguing human beings for centuries, but now with social media, it has super powers. And it seems no one is immune.
The digital world we now all live in makes in impossibly easy to compare. People are practically serving up you’re not good enoughs on a silver platter, ready and waiting for our consumption. And while I’m a fan of social media to a degree, there’s a tremendous flaw in the system. We’re not seeing the whole story.
And the truth is, comparison can sneak in and rear its ugly head even when we do our best to subscribe to the “what works for them may not be for me” theory in life. I know we all do our best to maintain a healthy relationship with ego and admiration, but at the end of the day, we’re all still just humans doing the best we can. Regardless, comparison robs you of precious productivity and momentum. And I hope what I’m about to share with you helps to drive that point home.
You see, there’s a person who has been in my peripheral for a couple of years now. I’ve never been a loyal consumer of their content, but we float in similar waters, so I was often made aware of their achievements. Now, there was always something about this person’s presence online that stirred up uncomfortable feelings for me. They were ticking off accomplishments at a staggering rate all while still working a full-time corporate job. And you know what? I started to allow that story to tell me things about myself.
You’re not working hard enough.
You’re not committed enough.
You’re not working FAST enough.
You’re not good enough.
Well, I recently learned that they have been skipping an integral step in the self-publishing process. A step that, to me, is non-negotiable and is crucial to producing quality content. And this step takes a whole lotta time. Full disclosure, I’d never read any of their books. They write in a genre that’s simply unappealing to me. But after learning this tidbit of information, I scoped out some samples and dug up some reviews. It’s glaringly obvious that the work had been rushed, and the reviews reflect that fact.
The curtain got yanked back; the true wizard revealed, and yet the damage had already been done. If this isn’t a run-of-the-mill example of how foolish comparison is, I don’t know what is. It’s a lesson we learned years ago: to keep our eyes on our own paper. And yet, we all fall prey every now and again.
It’s not easy to side step comparison. It’s just not. But whenever those familiar feelings start to stir up, I hope you are able to remember Amy Poehler’s wise words: good for her, not for me.
