On letting go of all that doesn’t serve you: the other side of this popular conversation

As a life coach who specializes in boundaries, you’d assume I’m team “let go of all that doesn’t serve you.” And I am…kind of. In the year I’ve been professionally coaching, I’ve come to the understanding that far too many of us definitely have a death grip on things that are 1) no longer serving us and 2) actually hurting us. And yes, the healthiest thing to do in most of these cases is to make a clean break. Let that shit go. But this blanket let go of all that isn’t serving you phenomenon that’s sweeping social media right now has the potential to be detrimental. And I want to carefully point out that risk before things get really out of hand.

THERE IS A FINE BALANCE TO KNOWING WHEN YOU SHOULD LET SOMETHING GO AND WHEN YOU SHOULD POWER THROUGH WITH THE INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE CONVERSATIONS.

I’m worried we’re going to create a society where we all just cut and run. Just because something upsets you or makes you uncomfortable does not mean it no longer serves you. If someone in your life made a mistake or a poor decision, that doesn’t necessarily mean you should pull a bye, Felicia. If someone is holding you to a higher standard and pressing for you to be better (because they know you can do better), that doesn’t always warrant your disappearing act.

DON’T SIDESTEP VALUABLE GROWTH BY SIMPLY LETTING GO OF WHAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.

While truly letting go is very rarely easy, I do believe that as a culture we are dangerously close to employing a standard “ghosting” method any time something doesn’t go our way. Disappointment, frustration and upset are regular components to important relationships. And if we simply take an exit when those things present throughout the journey of a relationship, we risk waking up sad and very alone one day.

Understand me when I say this, I am not encouraging you to stay in an unhealthy relationship or situation. I am simply asking that we all employ a little (or honestly, a lot) of critical thinking when it comes to making the decision to let something go.

A fact that I’m worried is getting disregarded in our let everything go frenzy is that there are some things worth fighting for. There are some things to which we are responsible. I’m not saying stay because there’s an obligation. (If you know me in real life, you know that unwarranted obligations are a trigger for me.) But we risk developing an incredibly selfish society if we’re all so committed to just ducking out and severing ties any time we’re made to feel less than awesome. There is value to being committed to seeing things through, even if and when they get difficult. But that’s where the fine balance comes into play. And that’s when it becomes incredibly important to employ critical thinking. Because the line between this is uncomfortable and therefore it hurts and this hurts and it’s making me miserable and there’s nothing more I can do here is very, very fine. And ultimately, you’re the only person who can make that judgement call. But when it comes time to making that kind of decision, I would encourage you to seek outside counsel. Whether that’s from a trusted friend, parent, mentor, life coach or therapist is your call to make.

Keep in mind, we tend to go to those for counsel whom we feel will take our side with things. So I want you to open your heart and mind and turn to someone you can trust to be open, honest and real with you. Because sometimes we need to be called out. Sometimes we’re the one who has the problem, making a situation toxic. And if we just cut and run every time things go sideways, we’ll never learn or improve.

IS IT ACTUALLY TIME TO LET GO?

Letting go and truly removing someone or something from your life is a process. But the first step is to make an assessment to determine if letting go is the right and healthy thing to do. Take some time to reflect on the following:

• What is it about this situation that has you considering whether or not you should let it go?
• Is this patterned behavior? (Meaning, cyclical. You’ve been here time and time again with this person with the same or similar results every time.)
• In what ways is this person or situation causing detriment to your life?
• Do you feel there is any value to salvaging the situation or relationship? If so, what?
• If no, what value is there in letting the situation go? Envision what your new reality would look like.
• By letting this go, what would you be missing?
• By letting this go, what would you be gaining?
• Are there any ripple effects to letting this go, whether good or bad? If so, what are they? How will you handle those?
• Do you feel there are any alternatives to letting this person or situation go completely? What boundaries, if any, could you put in place to improve this situation?

There is a lot to consider when making this kind of decision, but these points are a great way to navigate the beginning stages of this process.

I am a firm believer in letting go of what truly isn’t serving you any longer. You deserve to live the kind of life you want. But I also believe in order to accomplish that, you need to employ the letting go tactic with care.