Hi friend. Welcome to a new project I’m calling How to be happy. Life is just hard right now. Everything is so expensive. We’re raising children in an era where the village is non-existent. And we’re constantly plugged in with immediate access to compare ourselves to everyone and anyone.
I’ve had conversations with so many friends lately with the same general consensus. We’re all just having a tough time. We know there’s so much good in our day-to-day, but we’re all so stuck in a state of survival to pay any of it much attention. It’s discouraging and exhausting.
So that’s where I got the idea for this project. I’m personally on a journey to start experiencing more joy in my day-to-day, and I thought maybe some of you might want to join me on that journey.
How to be happy | Why are we all feeling funky?
I got to really thinking about it, trying to analyze it to figure out why we were all feeling this way and where it’s rooted so that I could start at the very beginning. I didn’t just want this to be a series documenting my journey but something that people could really follow for themselves if they wanted to. Because if I can do anything in this life, I want to help people experience more joy, whatever that looks like for them.
So when I thought about that, I realized it all roots down to purpose and intention. Something happens, we enter a warp-speed season of life and our autopilot switch gets flipped. Or, we enter a particularly tough era and we start with the numbing agents and enter survival mode. And sometimes, we find ourselves in both of those scenarios at the same time.
Whenever I think about this, how sometimes we’re just eager to fast forward through especially tough or busy times in our lives, I can’t help but think about that movie Click with Adam Sandler. If you haven’t seen it, he’s basically got a magic remote control that gives him the power to fast forward through things he doesn’t want to experience for any reason — but the trick is, once he fast forwards through it once, it’ll always fast forward. And the next thing he knows, his whole life passes him by one fast forwarded moment after another, and he misses out on everything.
I mean, I don’t think we need any more clear analogy here, do we? I know life is hard right now. I know it is — I’m struggling. I cry more these days than I ever have and I honestly feel more lost, clueless and lonely than I ever did in my twenties.
Recognizing it can be good & hard
But it’s also not lost on me that I’m smack dab in the middle of something I literally prayed for. I’ve told the story before of what 2019/2020 looked like for us. I’ve told the story of how I didn’t think we’d ever get to buy a house or have a kid. And here I am, sitting in the exact home I prayed for writing this when the kid is sleeping. It can be everything you ever wanted and it can still be hard.
It can be everything you ever wanted, and it can still be hard.
So that’s where intention comes into play. You might be in a particularly repetitive time in your life — maybe you’re a student or you’re a mom or you’re planted firmly in the 9-5 season of life. If we’re not careful, we can find ourselves pretty much living the same day over and over again. I love structure and routine. My anxiety needs structure and routine — without it there’s very little chance I’ll enjoy anything because I’ll be internally panicking about what comes next every second of the day.
But you can still purposefully enjoy particular moments in a routine and structured existence. The point, though, is to be intentional about it. I’m so guilty of just doing one thing after another, checking things off a never ending to-do list, hustling to make it through the day. Things I enjoy get put onto a todo list or a goal chart and it’s like I forget to let myself truly experience them when I’m doing them.
The power of intention
I love doing my nails, but since becoming a mom it’s something I make myself rush through if I even make the time for it. I enjoy cleaning and keeping a tidy space, but that’s the first thing that goes out the window when life gets a little busy. Reading is my only true escape, and I never make time for it anymore — and if I do, it’s cramming a book in as fast as I can to finish before a book club meeting.
It’s like I’m using the magic remote, fast forwarding through even the most enjoyable things just to get them over with, to survive the day, to cross another thing off the todo list.
So that’s our first assignment on this journey: we have to find the tiny moments of joy in this hard season and intentionally enjoy them. Slow down, savor it, take notice of it.
Often times, we can’t just click our heels and transport out of the hard stuff. I wish we could. But we can start allowing the good to at least weigh as much as the hard. We just have to allow those things the chance to take up space.
I know things are hard. But I bet if you look hard enough, you can identify at least a handful of things you do or could do each day that you would enjoy. Be intentional with your choices — have a few seconds of down time and enjoy reading? Pull up the kindle app on your phone instead of mindlessly scrolling TikTok for the 100th time that day. Like cooking but in this season it’s just another thing to get done? Pick a day that you get to actually enjoy the act of cooking the meal. These don’t have to be big and monumental, friend. In fact, right now? The moments of joy probably won’t be big or monumental — that’s why we feel the way we do.
So it’s up to us to intentionally choose to enjoy our lives.
That’s it for me today, friend. Let me know in the comments what’s a tiny moment of joy you’re going to intentionally enjoy this week? Until next time, XOXO.
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