Limiting beliefs: the poison
Any human with a pulse has suffered a limiting belief or two. It’s in our nature to question things, especially ourselves. Limiting beliefs are totally and completely normal. But where they become a problem is if they fully dictate your existence. Are they playing on a loop, hushed self-deprecating one liners repeating in the background of your mind day in and day out? Are they guiding your decisions? Are they fueling a fear that keeps you paralyzed, stuck in a life you can’t stomach anymore? I’m willing to bet that at least once you’ve allowed your limiting beliefs to drop you smack dab in the middle of a pity party: table for 1 sad sack who will never be good enough please. We beat ourselves up and exert so much energy convincing ourselves we’ll never amount to anything.
Why?
There are a number of reasons these limiting beliefs creep in and poison our lives. Some are products of the things we’ve been told about ourselves. Our subconscious holds onto those things then uses them to make up the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. Others are products of the so-called proof we’ve collected throughout our lives. For example: Maybe your limiting belief is that you’re bad with money, and your 0 balance bank account provides that proof.
The psychology behind limiting beliefs is truly fascinating. And if you have the desire and/or time, I’d encourage you to do a little digging on the subject. But the important take away here is that these limiting beliefs didn’t just crop up suddenly. No. They’ve been brewing for a long, long time. And undoing them, unlearning them, will take time. But first, you need to diagnose them.
Comparison: the culprit
A lot of times, our silly little brains will use comparison as a way to collect all that proof we just talked about. You know, the proof that you’ll never measure up. Comparison has been plaguing human beings for centuries, but now with social media, it has super powers. And it seems no one is immune.
The digital world we now all live in makes in impossibly easy to compare. People are practically serving up you’re not good enoughs on a silver platter, ready and waiting for our consumption. And while I’m a fan of social media to a degree, there’s a tremendous flaw in the system. We’re not seeing the whole story.
And the truth is, comparison can sneak in and rear its ugly head even when we do our best to subscribe to the “what works for them may not be for me” theory in life. I know we all do our best to maintain a healthy relationship with ego and admiration, but at the end of the day, we’re all still just humans doing the best we can. Regardless, comparison robs you of precious productivity and momentum. And I hope what I’m about to share with you helps to drive that point home.
You see, there’s a person who has been in my peripheral for a couple of years now. I’ve never been a loyal consumer of their content, but we float in similar waters, so I was often made aware of their achievements. Now, there was always something about this person’s presence online that stirred up uncomfortable feelings for me. They were ticking off accomplishments at a staggering rate all while still working a full-time corporate job. And you know what? I started to allow that story to tell me things about myself.
You’re not working hard enough.
You’re not committed enough.
You’re not working FAST enough.
You’re not good enough.
Well, I recently learned that they have been skipping an integral step in the self-publishing process. A step that, to me, is non-negotiable and is crucial to producing quality content. And this step takes a whole lotta time. Full disclosure, I’d never read any of their books. They write in a genre that’s simply unappealing to me. But after learning this tidbit of information, I scoped out some samples and dug up some reviews. It’s glaringly obvious that the work had been rushed, and the reviews reflect that fact.
The curtain got yanked back; the true wizard revealed, and yet the damage had already been done. If this isn’t a run-of-the-mill example of how foolish comparison is, I don’t know what is. It’s a lesson we learned years ago: to keep our eyes on our own paper. And yet, we all fall prey every now and again.
It’s not easy to side step comparison. It’s just not. But whenever those familiar feelings start to stir up, I hope you are able to remember Amy Poehler’s wise words: good for her, not for me.
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