two cents: fighting

by Joey | May 4, 2012 | Throwback

Dear person in any kind of relationship:

A little advice.  I don’t typically go there, but sometimes it just needs to be done.  I consider myself a relationships writer, and if that’s the case, then this post just needs to be written.

None of us are perfect.  There are things, I’m sure, that each of us would like to change about our significant other.  One of mine, for instance, is I wish he’d come to bed habitually every night instead of innocently falling asleep on the couch while watching TV.  I’m sure he’d wish I’d nag him less, especially about the falling asleep on the couch thing.

Your significant other is bound to annoy the crap out of you every now and again.  It wouldn’t be natural if they didn’t.  They may piss you off, too.  And unfortunately, they may occasionally hurt your feelings.  It simply just happens sometimes.

You’re going to fight.  You’re not going to see eye to eye on everything.  Someone is going to go over budget sometimes or forget to make the bed.  That’s totally normal.

But do me a favor.  NO, do yourselves, your relationship and your significant other a favor and fight carefully.


Fight carefully?  What the heck does that mean, you might be asking.

Fight productively.  Fight nicely.  Do not EVER let something slip from your lips that you cannot take back.  Do no purposely hurt the people you love because you are angry or upset.  It is never okay to make derogatory remarks to another person, especially someone you’ve committed your life to.


How do I do that, you might be wondering.  Implement a filter.  Hear what you’re going to say in your head before you speak it.  Ask yourself if it’s really worth saying.  Ask yourself if saying it is going to be productive to solving the issue at hand or if it’s just going to hurt the person you love.

I’m no expert.  But I was hurt a lot in the past by a boy.  A boy who made a habit of putting me down so he felt better about himself.  What kind of jerk makes a hobby or talking to another person like that?  Mr. Husband and I are guilty of fighting.  In fact, we used to be that couple on vacations that our friends would roll their eyes at.  We still fight, but I’d like to think we’ve come a long way since then.

Also, keep the fight simple.  If you’re fighting about the refrigerator, leave the dishwasher, washer and dryer out of it.  Solve the fridge issue and move on to the next.  If next week you find yourself fighting about the dishwasher, leave the fridge out of it.  Don’t keep bringing up old fights.  That will absolutely plague your life.  I’m not kidding.  That can get seriously exhausting.

Just try to be courteous.  Yes, even while you’re fighting.  You’ll find it’s much more productive and you can go back to being those nauseating love birds quicker.

Sincerely,
Someone whose been there

The Worst Date Ever [Valentine’s Challenge]

by Joey | Jan 31, 2012 | Throwback

We traveled to Charleston, SC with our college buddies for Mr. Husband’s fraternity alumni formal. We weren’t going to participate in the actual formal, but we wanted to see everyone and used that excuse to get down to our favorite town.

We had an amazing few days. We played on the beach all date, ate some amazing meals and partied hard. One of Mr. Husband’s fraternity brothers invited my best friend along, so it was great.

The night of formal, Mr. Husband made a pretty big deal of making sure we spent the evening alone. There was a restaurant that we’d gone to once before, and it was kind of expensive. And he wanted to take me there. And he made sure I wore a specific dress. No, my stomach wasn’t in butterflies hoping for a ring. Okay, maybe only a little bit.

My best friend was staying in the room right next to us, so while Mr. Husband was getting ready, I wandered over there just to hang out. And our friend [her date] comes and sits next to me on the bed.

“Jo, I feel like I should tell you that J didn’t bring the ring. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up so you can enjoy your evening.”

Uh. Well, I would have. But now was just sad. And mad. And hurt. And well, let’s face it…fuming! Please, before you judge me, know that at this point Mr. Husband and I had been out of college for a year, and he’d already had my ring for two years! [I wasn’t certain of this fact, but I did know he had it.] And we’d been together for five years and 9 months! Not that I was counting…

I tried to brush it off. I would be fine. I would just enjoy my evening with my wonderful boyfriend who was taking me to a gorgeous restaurant in my favorite place.

Nope. We all get in the cab to head downtown, and I’m not talking. I’m just staring out the window blinking back tears. I might be the most emotional, dramatic person on the face of the planet. We go our separate ways from our friends, and now it’s just me and Mr. Husband. He can tell something is wrong. He doesn’t push it.

We order our food, and I’m really trying guys. I’m really trying to be pleasant and cute and witty and all I can think about is why doesn’t he want to marry me?

Dinner was somewhat of a blur. I don’t remember a bite of my food. I don’t remember what wine I drank. All I remember is sitting across from the man whom I desperately loved questioning whether he loved me too. What an awful awful feeling.

The waiter comes by our table…and here’s the freaking kicker.

Mr. Husband tells him it’s two separate checks!!!

Oh, God. It was just so awful. We left the restaurant and I demanded to just go back to the hotel. I cried all night long. It was terrible. Awful. And I made it that way…

There are no pictures from that night because I was being such a sour puss. I ruin everything with my stupid moods! [luckily, Mr. Husband loves me anyway :)]

[The Real Story: Mr. Husband did have the ring. His friend apparently was just trying to throw me off [as was Mr. Husband when he asked for 2 checks] Unfortunately, all they were successful in doing was pissing me off. Mr. Husband figured he’d wait until I wasn’t in such a bad mood to propose. He proposed the next weekend. And that’s an even funnier story.]