by Joey | Sep 11, 2013 | Throwback
Let’s talk.
At what point does giving the benefit of the doubt turn into becoming a gullible idiot? Time and time again I allow myself to talk myself out of how I’m feeling about 1) a situation or 2) a person because I have always believed in second thirdfourthfifth chances. I never want to be the person who gives up. I never want to be the person who isn’t there when someone actually needs me. I never want to seem like I don’t care. I always believe people are going to change.
But actually–at some point–this makes me look pathetic and sort of masochistic. I don’t want to believe that people can’t change. I always want to think that someone will only behave a certain way once. So I keep putting myself out there. I keep trying. And in the end, the only person who ends up hurt and disappointed is me.
I’ve learned a lot about who I am and what I like and can tolerate over the last couple years. I don’t know if I’ve changed or if I’m finally able to identify certain qualities about myself (and well, others) that I like/don’t like. So why do I allow myself to compromise what I respect and appreciate at my own expense? Do you ever find yourself doing this? Putting yourself in situations with people you can guarantee will only let you down? Do you have that flakey friend that no matter how you present a situation to them–or how many verbal agreements you get out of them that they’ll show up–they always just find something better to do?
The truth is, I’m just sort of done. I’ve said this so many times over the last several years that my husband is so tired of hearing it. He hates that phrase–because he knows me well enough to know I’m never really done. And I need to be.
I think there comes a time in our lives when we need to start respecting ourselves enough to only spend time on people who spend time on us. I don’t mean to make that sound so selfish, but I’m right. No one wants to be the person texting with no response. No one wants to be the person excitedly setting up plans for the other person to bail last minute. I’m not a bitch for walking away. I’m respecting myself.
At some point, you just have to realize that the boat with a leak will sink–or you’ll die trying to save it.
by Joey | Sep 10, 2013 | Throwback
I’ve gone through tough stuff before. I’ve lost loved ones. I’ve been told I’m not good enough for what I want. I’ve been through a war for love. And yet, I’ve always kind of seen my life as golden. J and I have always come out the other side of whatever hardship we might have stronger and more in love.
I’ve been quiet around here. You know it. I know it. I’ve never been through anything like this before. I’ve had health scares before, but deep in my bones I always knew it would pass. I always knew I’d be fine. I always just assumed it was the drama of the doctors. Okay, a kidney infection isn’t good. Several kidney infections is probably eyebrow raising. But whatever. A couple doses of antibiotics and I’m back to good as new.
This time it’s different. It wasn’t until recently that I drew the connection of the words PATIENT. No. I didn’t use incorrect grammar there. I’m talking about the two different definitions of that word. I never realized their correlation before. I guess in reality, I never really thought about it.
I am not a patient person. I never have been. That’s why it always shocked me that I was a remotely good nanny. I don’t have a lot of tolerance. And in fact, whatever I want…I want right now. All of this has been a challenge for me. And for the first few weeks, I just kind of shut down. Day after day, I’m waiting for test results. Results that could make or break me. Each day that passed me by without new information would kill me. And then the calls and texts would come in asking for news, and I wouldn’t have any. And it would just make me angry. Which in turn, would cause me to shut down even more.
I watched a lot of Netflix. I lived in my snuggie, and my hair stayed greasy and pulled back. The bare minimum was getting done around here. And you can bet your bottom dollar I didn’t even open my writing program. The days I have doctor’s appointments or tests are basically shot–an hour drive there and back and however long I’m there? Forget it. By time I’ got home, it’d be a quesadilla (kidding) and bed.
I was allowing myself to get swallowed up in this mess. It’s scary. All of it. You go in thinking it’s simply your gall bladder and well, you end up in medical hell. It’s fun for no one.
But it’s time I suck it up. I scrubbed my kitchen yesterday morning, and it felt so good. I went back to Zumba! last night. The truth of the matter is, I feel fine physically for right now. My mind is a little fogged up with good reason–but I need to do what calms me. I need to keep living my life. Because honestly? Whether I’m hiding underneath the covers or continuing my day-to-day, it’s all the same waiting.
by Joey | Sep 9, 2013 | Throwback
As the girl who had the same bedroom until the day she left for college, I never imagined that I’d be so familiar with moving. I moved dorm rooms and apartments every year of college. Things only got more crazy exciting when J and I got married. Football is much like the Army in the sense that there are no guarantees where you’ll be from year to year. I had to learn to let go [don’t tell me you all have already forgotten about what an emotional maniac I was when it came to leaving Charlotte] and roll with the punches.
Something I’ve struggled with since leaving for college is friendship. I had one best girlfriend in high school. I had a sprinkling of friends whom I’ll always consider “best friends,” but we’ve moved on through life. We were lucky enough to meet a group of about seven couples on our honeymoon in Mexico who 1) happened to live 45 minutes away from where we were moving the day after we returned from our honeymoon and who 2) took us in like family. There is no way we would have survived our stint in GA without them.
And then I was lucky enough to have a sister in law who put her foot down. I was lonely in Charlotte. And she had a best friend from college who was also lonely in Charlotte. She made us fix that. And without her, I wouldn’t have made it through a lot. We were lucky that our lives (and love) took us away from Charlotte at relatively the same time. But I miss her. I miss her every single day.
And all of this moving has taught me something about friendship. Or maybe just my own friendships. But I have to imagine I’m not the only one. Distance does funny things to friendships. In fact, it is kind of easy to trick yourself when it comes to distance in friendships. When you live 2 or more hours away from your best friends you’re still best friends, but life just doesn’t allow for you to spend much time together. But when you move to a “reachable” distance verses a convenient distance is when you learn a thing or two. I’m approximately one hour away from the home I grew up in. About an hour away from most of the friends I spent 18 years making. I had that “safety net” idea in the back of my head as we prepared for this move. Oh. I’ll be just fine. We’re not far at all from Raleigh. But the reality of it all is, Raleigh is still far. Far enough that it’s not convenient. Far enough that those friendships, despite being at a reachable distance, are still in their “long distance” phase.
I’ve always believed that friendships like family are what fill our lives with joy and happiness. I firmly believe that without those connections and relationships, life can seem very empty. We aren’t at that point in our lives (or marriage) where we’re ready to have our own family. And funnily enough, FRIENDS–my favorite TV show–was all about that time in your life when your friends are more like family–before you have your own.
And I think that’s important. And I hope I’m not the only person who puts that much importance on the people in my life who don’t have my blood running through their veins.
But like I said. Moving teaches you a thing or two. It teaches you about yourself. And it teaches you about others.
by Joey | Sep 6, 2013 | beauty, Loves, Real Life, Throwback
Better late than never, right? Right.
Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself.
1. Sinful Colors…uh? Black? Man. I forgot to check the bottle and I’m too lazy to go grab it. But any black would do. And it has China Glaze Fairy Dust over it. Not the neatest manicure of my life, but I was in a hurry. Campbell’s colors are black and orange (halloween anyone?) so to avoid looking out of season, I painted my fingers black and my toes orange. Go Fighting Camels! (I still can’t help but laugh at the mascot, really?)
2. I had an MRI on Wednesday. Over an hour inside that little tube? Holy cow cue heart attack. It didn’t help that about 30 minutes into it I had an intense itch on my ear. 1) There’s not enough room to move your arm up to your ear and 2) even if there was I WAS STRAPPED TO THE TABLE. Oh, man. I never want to do that again.
BEFORE
AFTER
3. What happens when your mind is completely full of medical crap and you’re spending way too much time on the couch watching Netflix because you can’t focus enough to write your book? Ideas. Ideas happen. So I painted the living room on a whim. I’m so happy with it! I no longer feel like I’m living inside of a pumpkin!
4. If you’re looking for a perfect “natural” lip shade (I like to say “my lips but better”), try the Jordana (found at Walgreens) retractable lip liner in Tawney. I love it! And Jordana is crazy cheap!
via
5. Stories From A Teacher by J. Flores. I have a weird soft spot for teenagers and teachers. In fact, if I knew putting all the effort into getting my certification would be worth it, I’d be teaching right now. But that’s neither here nor there. This book is equal parts hilarious and heartbreaking. Mr. Flores takes you through some of the unbelievable situations he found himself in as a teacher. Some of those involve crazy (and honest) questions from students, to having intense parent/teacher conferences that do not go the way he thought they would. I laughed out loud at a good chunk of this book. I highly recommend it. I got it when it was a free kindle book, so I was hugely surprised how much I enjoyed it. I believe it’s $2.99 right now, which is still worth it. If you’re an Amazon Prime holder, it’s still free. Go. Read it. You won’t regret it.
linked with: thenailfiles, fridaybookclub, h54f
by Joey | Aug 30, 2013 | beauty, Loves, Real Life
1. Revlon: Naughty. This is the relaunch of Relvon Perplexed (if you remember I went on a like a year long hunt for perplexed). This is one of my all-time favorite polishes. It’s a very deep purple, but in certain lights looks like a perfect dark grey.
2. At the doctor’s office yesterday, I walked in the back room to get my blood drawn. The woman standing at the desk glanced up quickly as if to acknowledge me before she finished up what she was doing. Instead, she had a full on reaction: ::gasp:: OH MY GOSH WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!? I stood in my tracks, panicked. Was I not supposed to be back there? In the same breath, she apologized. “Oh heavens, I’m just so sorry, darling. But you look ALARMINGLY like my son’s girlfriend.” At this point she felt the need to whip out her cell phone and show me because she couldn’t believe the resemblance. The girlfriend was Asian. Story of my life. Ha
3. Relating to all the doctor tweets and obviously the above story–Yes. I am still in the middle of this nightmare. I know the last I shared was that I have three cysts on my liver, but I’m not comfortable sharing all that’s going on here yet until I have some definitive answers. I do, however, appreciate any prayers you might be able to send up to whatever God you pray to.
4. I got to sneak into Raleigh yesterday morning and pick this beauty up from the airport! In case you don’t recognize her, that’s the CLTBFF who is officially a Californian now! She’s in town because her twin sister is having a baby girl–but I’m so glad I got to have a quick breakfast with her. She re-centers me. And she so convicted in her faith that it just radiates out of her and calms those in her presence. I’ll get to catch her on her way back out of town on Monday too!
5. Sh*t My Dad Says by Justin Halpern. I had a particularly bad day on Tuesday. And I just needed something anything to keep my attention and hopefully make me laugh. Then I remembered that the husband was gifted this book fro Christmas a few years ago. If foul language offends you, this is not the book for you. But if you can look past that to the absolutely hilarious things this old man says–and the tough as nails approach he takes to parenting–I highly recommend it. I read it in one sitting, so it’s nothing too strenuous–which is exactly what I needed that night. I got sucked in and laughed my head off.
**my blogging hiatus is still in effect, but I wanted to pop in here on Friday. Because who doesn’t love a good quick update on a Friday?**
