At what point does giving the benefit of the doubt turn into becoming a gullible idiot? Time and time again I allow myself to talk myself out of how I’m feeling about 1) a situation or 2) a person because I have always believed in second thirdfourthfifth chances. I never want to be the person who gives up. I never want to be the person who isn’t there when someone actually needs me. I never want to seem like I don’t care. I always believe people are going to change.
But actually–at some point–this makes me look pathetic and sort of masochistic. I don’t want to believe that people can’t change. I always want to think that someone will only behave a certain way once. So I keep putting myself out there. I keep trying. And in the end, the only person who ends up hurt and disappointed is me.
I’ve learned a lot about who I am and what I like and can tolerate over the last couple years. I don’t know if I’ve changed or if I’m finally able to identify certain qualities about myself (and well, others) that I like/don’t like. So why do I allow myself to compromise what I respect and appreciate at my own expense? Do you ever find yourself doing this? Putting yourself in situations with people you can guarantee will only let you down? Do you have that flakey friend that no matter how you present a situation to them–or how many verbal agreements you get out of them that they’ll show up–they always just find something better to do?
The truth is, I’m just sort of done. I’ve said this so many times over the last several years that my husband is so tired of hearing it. He hates that phrase–because he knows me well enough to know I’m never really done. And I need to be.
I think there comes a time in our lives when we need to start respecting ourselves enough to only spend time on people who spend time on us. I don’t mean to make that sound so selfish, but I’m right. No one wants to be the person texting with no response. No one wants to be the person excitedly setting up plans for the other person to bail last minute. I’m not a bitch for walking away. I’m respecting myself.
At some point, you just have to realize that the boat with a leak will sink–or you’ll die trying to save it.
Yes, yes, yes. I too have been "done" many times before and I have continued to be nothing but hurt. Good luck my friend on having the strength to stay done and know that you deserve better.
Is it awful to admit that I'm too lazy to be the pursuer? If someone is done with me, then see ya. I think if you have given multiple chances, you are well within your right to stop trying. And if they come back to you one day, it's up to you to decide if they're worth reciprocating for.
You are completely respecting yourself. You've given what you can and need something, anything, in return. Creatures don't live on nothingness!
I can really relate to this! I am a lot like you… I forgive and forget a lot. I like to be the bigger person and give the benefit of the doubt. But it's true, at some point you've got to cut it loose. I think the point where you stop ("give up") is different for every person and situation, so you just have to play it by ear. It is really hard to tell the right time.
Amen, sister. That is all 🙂