by Joey | Sep 22, 2015 | Throwback
I picked up a writing book the other day while browsing Barnes & Noble with ATA. I instantly flipped it open to chapter one and read the first line. I don’t read the backs of books, so this is how I gauge my decision to buy or not.
The very first thing I tell my new students on the first day of a workshop is that good writing is all about telling the truth.
–Anne Lamott Bird by Bird
(for the record, I know it’s shameful I don’t own this book)
You all know that I take pride in this little space for being honest. For telling the truth. But lately I feel like I’ve been flitting around, skirting the issues, afraid to make too much of a splash. It’s something I’ve struggled with all of my writing days. How honest is too honest? How much of this story is mine to tell?
I never want to tell a story that isn’t mine, hurting someone in the wake of it all. An empathetic person at heart, I’m constantly worried about how my words might affect others. The very same writer advises to tell your story. That you own everything that’s happened to you. You’ve probably seen the famous quote floating around or maybe it’s only famous to us writers…things I’ll never know for sure.
You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.
I have a story. A few, actually. And they’ve been bubbling up inside of me, screaming to get out. I’ve touched on how certain things have made me feel lately, but I haven’t gotten into the guts of it all. It all boils down to fear. I’m afraid to tell the truth, to lay it all out there in black and white. I’m not ready for the judgements, to have the world know my story and see the weakness inside of me. I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for the questions because I still have questions myself.
I am who I am because of these stories. I’m the person I’ve become because I had to rise above. But part of me still feels like a child, like my stories can somehow get me in trouble. I shrink back down into a meek teenager, afraid to disappoint, desperate to please everyone.
I have a past, a history. I think everyone does. Everyone’s story is different, but we all have them. We all have something that makes us feel less-than. We all have memories that we can’t quite be sure happened because if they did, how did we survive?
Sometimes I look back at who I was as a teenager and crave that strength now. I had such conviction. I was so sure that one day I’d grow up and tell it all, my anthem, sure it would save some young girl from feeling the way I once felt.
I’m standing at the base of a wall, staring up. I know what’s on the other side, but I’m not quite sure where to step first, to pull myself up and over.
by Joey | Sep 21, 2015 | Throwback
I walked outside the other morning to walk the dog. It was so crisp and cool out, I went back inside to grab a sweatshirt. As we walked around the complex, I thought how easy it is to forget what the heat felt like. Just like that, it was fall.
We accept seasonal transitions, the great weather changes, every year. We expect them. We hope for them. We anticipate the noticeable difference. We can count on it. Every year, fall will come. The weather will cool. We’ll retire our shorts, trading them out for leggings and sweaters. Everything slows down in the fall. You grab your partner, cozy up in the living room, trading wild summer nights for hot chocolate and spiced candles.
For me, fall means more than just the return of the beloved pumpkin spice latte (which I don’t really care for, if I’m honest). It means a new beginning. Starting fresh. Most of the world starts anew in January, but not me. No. My biological clock syncs with freshly sharpened pencils and the first coin toss.
It made sense when we were in school. New clothes, new friends, new faces. And once J and I were married, our lives started over each fall. A new team. New drills. New traditions.
Fall is about transition. But this year, our transition feels different. There’s a constant comfort in knowing what to expect within the new. It might be a new school, but you know what to do when the bell rings. It might be a new team, but you know how the game is played.
But what now? Fall always brought a change we could trust. The promise of a future we understood. It was hard but worth it. School, football, all of it. Every year brought new challenges. New lessons to learn.
Today, I’m not defined by a label placed by someone else. I am not a student. I am not a football wife. I’m just Joey. When a labeled is ripped off, it can make you feel exposed. Lost. Confused.
We’re transitioning, label-less. We don’t know what comes next. A new season of life is harder to accept and not so easy to identify, define.
But I know this, the weather will always change. Summer always cools off, giving way to fall. Every challenge offers a lesson, a chance to grow, the opportunity to transition.
I don’t know what comes next.
But I know I’m ready.
Are you?
by Joey | Sep 18, 2015 | beauty, Loves, Real Life
I’m pretty brand loyal to
Julep these days. To be honest, if you’re going to spend more than $3 on a nail polish, they’re just the way to go. They last the longest, apply the smoothest, and I really just love the whole concept of
receiving new polishes in the mail every month.
But my first love, back when my obsession with nail polish started
with this particular shade, was OPI. I’m not sure I see any difference in quality over my beloved $1.99 wet n wild Megalast polishes (in fact, I think the megalast polishes last longer), but I am a fan of the shade selection OPI offers.
While it’s still way too hot to dive into fall fashion, I’m all about the fall nail polish shades these days. Overexposed in South Beach is an old favorite!
What are some of your all time favorite fall shades?
Happy Friday, friends!
**Julep links are affiliate. Julep is a monthly subscription service. Using the link, you can receive your first customized box for just $2.99. Cancel or skip a month any time!
by Joey | Sep 17, 2015 | Throwback
I could tell you about how I went out to dinner at a new Ramen place with Kim, or how I’ve been trying to snap (johodgespodges) my days to decide if I want to vlog again. I could talk about how I’m anxious to start writing another book, or I could thank you all so so much for all the well wishes and support on yesterday’s post. But instead I’ll tell you that the husband came home from work with the vomits.
I’m literally locked in my not-big-enough-for-a-twin-bed-office, hiding. We all know how the vomits go. I give myself less than 24 hours.
I stupidly went to bed after midnight last night then dreamt that not only was I weathering a literal tornado while outside, but I was also having an unfortunate encounter with my former bff as our shelter (read: picnic table) was blowing away. I could draw so many parallels between that dream and my life right now. I’m choosing to ignore it, I think. That cocktail left me feeling less than awesome all day. And now I’m having a hard time convincing myself that I won’t lose that expensive Ramen dinner in the middle of the night.
Mind over matter, Joey. Mind over matter.
I’ve also managed to lose something in our 1000 square foot apartment. I’m not even sure how that’s possible. Needless to say, I feel a little like I’m losing my mind.
So with all of that said (or not said, rather), I’m going to sign off and wish you all a happy vomit-free Thursday!
I can hope, right?
It’s too late, isn’t it?
Get out of here while you can.
**insert face-mask emoji**
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by Joey | Sep 16, 2015 | Throwback
I’m twenty-nine years old, and I’m still trying to find myself. Fifteen year old Joey would be very disappointed in that fact. The old insecurities that you feel when you’re in high school tend to follow us into adulthood. We fight them off, one by one, with accomplishments. Am I the only one who feels like with each accomplishment, we’re fleshing ourselves out little by little?
I’ll admit that I wandered around lost for a good long while. My resume is an embarrassing display of one mistake after another. All the while, I knew writing was what I wanted. But I’m not the kind of girl who gets what she wants. Ugly thoughts on repeat kill dreams. You’re only standing in your own way.
Staring down monsters, swallowing the fear of failure, I pushed myself out of the miserable cycle. I was tired of taking jobs, marking time. I needed direction. I needed a plan.
What you might not know, the move to Charlotte was my fault. A football family from the start, each of our moves up until this point had been for J’s job. But Charlotte was the result of a plan that was barely a skeleton sketch at the time.
Back at the end of February, in the midst of a kind of chaos I can’t find the right words to describe, I asked myself an important question. I was so afraid that life was about to launch me back into an exhausting existence, doing everything but what I wanted.
What do I want?
I wrote it all out, plain and simple. I answered the question, following up with the steps required to make it happen. A direction. Nanny full-time while building the business. A plan.
I’m not sure I’ve ever shared this part of our story, but J found the listing for the job I currently have. He sent it to me on a Friday. I had a phone interview Sunday. In person interview Monday. Job offer Tuesday. I moved the following Monday. I was desperate for a sign that I was making the right decision, moving in the right direction. The sign came loud and clear.
When life took off, seeming to spiral out of control, I forgot all about that plan written in my paper journal. But somehow, deep down, I must have memorized the steps. And little by little, things have fallen into place. I only recently stumbled upon that journal entry written by a scared, unsure girl. I’d forgotten I’d written it. And if I’m honest, it was a humbling moment. I can remember that girl, the one who was so afraid of it all. And here I am, standing on the other side. Not to get all self-helpy on you, but friends? If you want something? GO AFTER IT. You can do it. And you deserve it. Your happiness is important.
Anyway…
After a lot of hard work, I’m really excited to share with you what I’ve been up to the last few months.
I’ve launched a freelance communications business! I still can hardly believe that I’m actually a business owner. I’ve shed a lot of layers the last few years, stripping down to the purest version of myself. And I am nothing if not a writer.
The website, which I designed and built myself (holy freaking cow) can be found
here! I have a photographer booked for late November to take personal images, so until then the site is a little bare, but it has everything it actually
needs. I’m a simple kind of girl, and the site was definitely a labor of love!
LLC paperwork has been filled out and filed, and I’m well on my way, friends!
I owe a huge thanks (gosh sometimes thanks doesn’t seem like big enough a word) to
Kat, who has been in my corner since day one, and who initially inspired me to stop dreaming and start
doing.
All my life, I’ve discounted myself. I’ve pushed what I want aside, scared to face the inevitable failure, judgement, opinions. If you’re anything like me, let me leave you with this. Whatever it is, do it. Stop marking time. Stop putting everyone and everything else first. You deserve the starring role of your own life.
