I picked up a writing book the other day while browsing Barnes & Noble with ATA. I instantly flipped it open to chapter one and read the first line. I don’t read the backs of books, so this is how I gauge my decision to buy or not.
The very first thing I tell my new students on the first day of a workshop is that good writing is all about telling the truth.
–Anne Lamott Bird by Bird
(for the record, I know it’s shameful I don’t own this book)
You all know that I take pride in this little space for being honest. For telling the truth. But lately I feel like I’ve been flitting around, skirting the issues, afraid to make too much of a splash. It’s something I’ve struggled with all of my writing days. How honest is too honest? How much of this story is mine to tell?
I never want to tell a story that isn’t mine, hurting someone in the wake of it all. An empathetic person at heart, I’m constantly worried about how my words might affect others. The very same writer advises to tell your story. That you own everything that’s happened to you. You’ve probably seen the famous quote floating around or maybe it’s only famous to us writers…things I’ll never know for sure.
You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.
I have a story. A few, actually. And they’ve been bubbling up inside of me, screaming to get out. I’ve touched on how certain things have made me feel lately, but I haven’t gotten into the guts of it all. It all boils down to fear. I’m afraid to tell the truth, to lay it all out there in black and white. I’m not ready for the judgements, to have the world know my story and see the weakness inside of me. I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for the questions because I still have questions myself.
I am who I am because of these stories. I’m the person I’ve become because I had to rise above. But part of me still feels like a child, like my stories can somehow get me in trouble. I shrink back down into a meek teenager, afraid to disappoint, desperate to please everyone.
I have a past, a history. I think everyone does. Everyone’s story is different, but we all have them. We all have something that makes us feel less-than. We all have memories that we can’t quite be sure happened because if they did, how did we survive?
Sometimes I look back at who I was as a teenager and crave that strength now. I had such conviction. I was so sure that one day I’d grow up and tell it all, my anthem, sure it would save some young girl from feeling the way I once felt.
I’m standing at the base of a wall, staring up. I know what’s on the other side, but I’m not quite sure where to step first, to pull myself up and over.
I think about that too, especially with family reading the blog. I usually write it in a journal or draft post of a blog before ever publishing. Hugs!
that's definitely a struggle i have had–how much to put out there? how much is too honest? i love your writing and can't wait to see what is on the other side of that wall.
Yes, so true! It's hard to know what stories to tell and how much is too much. I have some stories to tell as well, but sometimes they just feel too personal.
I mostly struggle with revealing too much personal info. None of my friends or family know about my blog, but I'd worry about writing too much about them there, just in case they ever read it one day. Also, what if a future employer found my blog? I wouldn't want them reading too much personal stuff and forming a certain opinion about me. That said, I firmly believe that your blog is your space on the internet and you should do whatever you like with it. If you want to write your truth, go right ahead.
I will give you a boost. 🙂
"You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should've behaved better."
Love this quote!
I completely understand, sometimes you want to tell a story to get it out and move on…..but you don't want to overshare or share the story if it involves other people to protect their privacy if they weren't ready for it to be out in the open. It is a fine line we all walk.
I think of this a lot actually! There's so much more "within me" (hi dramatic) regarding relationships and feelings, etc. However, I feel like you shouldn't take advantage of your relationship with others in this way e.g. your friend going to your blog and seeing that you wrote about a fight you had. Sometimes it's best to keep it offline. However, I always love to read others who indulge in this way as it's often close to the heart!
Sometimes I wonder just how much is too much too. It's a big wide world out there and I haven't met everyone, but writing so publicly, they've met me from my blog, so I do have an internal struggle on what exactly to post and how much to post.
liz jo @ sundays with sophie
I can relate to this so much, I appreciate you sharing this!
you have a thousand people ready to lift you up over that wall girl 😉 you got this.
As someone else who loves writing the true stories of life–it does get especially hard and messy when writing about the other people involved in your life–especially when they aren't currently involved and so you can't even easily ask for permission. I've written some stories in the past–stories that I thought were hilarious or particularly revealing about moments from my life–but because they involved others, I sent them the story before publishing and was asked to please not publish. So I didn't. It can be a hard line to walk when you want to write true stories.