by Joey | Nov 13, 2015 | Throwback
I lost it this week. All of it. It started just as an over all sense of unsettledness. You know the kind that sort of seeps in when you think everything is fine and then suddenly it’s not.
All the little things were just off, creating a panicky, heavy feeling in my chest. The start of what I knew would turn into a full blown panic attack.
I’m going to be honest. I don’t do well with things not going according to plan. I don’t handle conflict or upset well. I feel everything. And I feel it deeply. I wish I didn’t, trust me. I wish I could take something at face value and let it be. But I carry everything around with me.
And lately, I’ve been trying to compartmentalize bits and pieces of myself. That gets messy. And ultimately, it’s caused me to be a less confident version of myself. Because I have a hard time keeping track. Am I the blogger today? The writer? The nanny? The wife? I was feeling unsure, second guessing decisions and curling in on myself.
And then everything came screaming into focus.
I was out to dinner with my girlfriends on Wednesday after a really, really long day. The day itself had been good, despite its challenges. But I was tired and sharing my heart. I started to feel the weight lift, as it usually does with my girlfriends.
I got a text from my mom. I haven’t shared here, but my dad isn’t in good health. It’s been a long, hard journey the last few years, and a text from her that late in the evening isn’t usually good news. I braced myself, but nothing could have prepared me.
My nine year old niece had to call 911 on my sister on Wednesday. The circumstances aren’t mine to share, but ultimately my sister was rushed to the hospital and spent a few days in ICU.
If there’s one thing in this life that I know for sure it’s that we never know what’s around the next corner. We’re fragile and break easily. Our hearts. Our minds. Our bodies. Even the strongest people aren’t immune.
My sister is one of those strong people. She’s the feisty one who balances and manages the many loud personalities in our family. She’s the one who doesn’t bat an eye at a cold, who is always on the go, and who is constantly taking care of others, usually putting herself last. In fact, I’m not sure the girl has ever taken a true sick day in her life.
And you guys? There are few things in life that will shut those stupid voices inside your head, the ones creating problems out of nothing, than the worry that engulfs your heart when someone you love isn’t okay.
I slipped into a fog. I left the dry cleaner without the bag. I forgot to answer all the stupid questions on a credit card machine, just grabbing my stuff and walking out mid transaction completely unaware. I sat at the exit gate of our complex long enough that it closed again.
I wish I had something profound to leave you with. That’s what we do, right? We share our struggles and then the lesson learned.
My sister has been moved from ICU, thankfully, though there are still some unknowns. And all those little worries that polluted my mind earlier in the week are still in there, somewhere, behind the all consuming worry for my sister.
And honestly, I just felt like sharing. Because this is what my week really looked like. It’s not a picture of a Starbucks cup or a manicure, instead it’s a snapshot of the inside of my mind.
I know everyone says blogging is changing, evolving, that it’s dead. But for me, it will always just be the place to share. The good. The bad. The ugly and the scary.
This week was ugly and scary.
But somehow, we get through it all. We reach inside, see through the fog, and keep breathing.
by Joey | Nov 11, 2015 | Throwback
Okay. Here we go.
Do you ever feel like everyone is competing for everything? Everything has to be something. Nothing can ever just…be.
Hold on, I don’t think I’m making any sense. Let me back up.
I took my Fitbit off. I love the thing, don’t get me wrong. But at least right now, things can’t be a competition. I’m hurt. My foot needs to heal. And the only things the Fitbit was doing was 1) reminding me that I wasn’t measuring up to others and 2) showcasing how much I’m really on my feet during the work week. Neither were making me feel very good about myself. So I took it off.
I withdrew from the competition.
That’s just one very obvious example, but bear with me here. I might be the only one who feels this way, but lately I’ve just gotten the sense that so many people are trying too hard.
There’s a big difference between working hard and trying too hard. I’m all for working hard. But when you’re working hard, you usually have a central mission. You know who you are, what you want, what your end game is. But when you’re trying too hard? Well, that’s a different story.
Stop being afraid to just be yourself. Stop trying so hard to find an angle that makes you different. Not to sound cliche, but you’re the only you out there. Just be yourself, and that alone makes you different. That alone sets you apart. And no one can do that, be you, better than you can. You might have similarities to others, awesome! Great! We all love finding people who are like us. But you don’t need to stand on your head or fart fire (please don’t fart fire) to get the world to pay attention to you.
The right people will find you, and they’ll stay because quite simply, they like you. You don’t have to be better than anyone else. And no one else has to be better than you.
I’ve felt paralyzed a little bit this week. I’ve stared at a blank blogger screen over and over, willing the words to come, but they wouldn’t. That isn’t like me. I love writing. I love blogging. But when I’m not saying what’s on my mind, what’s on my heart, the words stop in my throat. Because what’s the point then? And that’s when I realized why the words wouldn’t come. Because whatever I wrote wouldn’t have been real.
What happened to real life? What happened to commiserating over our likenesses instead of competing over them?
I’m not going to tell you what to do. That’s not my place. But if I can, let me encourage you to take the pressure off. Let yourself be authentic. Find your voice and use it.
Okay. So there it is.
Real life, people.
Real life.
by Joey | Nov 6, 2015 | beauty, Loves, Real Life
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Last night was slightly ridiculous. After a really long, hard week, I actually canceled Sushi Thursday, opting for take out instead. All I wanted was my pajamas, a glass of wine, some sushi and to binge watch OTH.
I walked in to the apartment, started a load of laundry and then…everything went dark. Sort of. Our lights were on, but super duper dim. Some things were off completely (uh, TV and internet, my dreams for Netflix dashed!)
I walked over to my neighbors. “Is your power all wonky?”
“YES! It’s the creepiest thing ever.” Her TV and AC were still working, but her lights were dimmed out, her bedroom out of power completely.
What the heck?
Soon, our apartment just went completely dead. Luckily, we’re keeping our other neighbor’s dog, so we went over to her place to see if she had power. She did. So finally, after nearly an hour, I ate some dinner.
Our management and maintenance team tried to figure out what the deal was, finally resulting in a call to Duke Energy who tried to convince them it wasn’t their issue. Uh, no. This is a fire hazard, people. They showed up around 10:30.
Our AC was out, so I opened the windows in our bedroom. The meters and power box for the entire building are outside our side of the building. They started out quietly enough, but somewhere around midnight they decided it was totally cool to be shouting back and forth to one another. All I gathered from the conversation was that really, no one knew what was wrong or how to fix it. Cool.
After a lot of drilling, hammering, cursing, and shouting, I woke up this morning to our power being 100% back on.
Okay.
Whatever.
It’s Friday.
In other, non-dramatic news, I participated in the Fall Swap that
Becky and
Kristin hosted. I actually don’t typically participate in swaps anymore (I have my reasons), but when they were left with an odd number of participants, Kristin reached out.
With that said, I somehow totally spaced. It didn’t really dawn on me that it was a
fall swap until I was writing the note to go with Becky’s package. Whoops! So check out the totally
non-fall related items she got
here.
She, however, went all out fall! A peek at the goodies!
Thanks, Becky!
**Edited to add: there was also a fancy tumbler cup that isn’t photographed because I immediately took it to work to keep as my work water bottle!
by Joey | Nov 5, 2015 | Throwback
I just used the lush mint juleps lip scrub. The weather isn’t quite reflecting fall as much as I’d like, but apparently my skin and lips are already boycotting. Well, either way, the lip scrub helps. A lot. I’ve had that unsatisfiable chapped lips feeling for three days straight. Nothing, not even my beloved vaseline tubs, sugar balm, or carmex will save me now.
In other news, I spent a good chunk of the morning creating a budget. It’s both liberating and totally terrifying to see all of your money and where it’s actually going it. We operate on a general budget usually, but I wanted to see specifically what was sucking up most of our cash flow. Y’all? It’s eating out. That’s really no surprise to me, but yikes! At least now I know specifics and can make some changes.
We went to the Campbell game at Davidson this weekend. I’ll admit that I was a little unsure. It’s hard going backwards sometimes. But it was so wonderful to see everyone. And honestly? It was good to be back in the stands on a Saturday afternoon. This is the first fall in many, many years my butt hasn’t been glued to a bleacher (well, I had a fancy season ticket chair at Campbell…but specifics).
You should listen to Watsky. Don’t, if cursing offends you or you’re just not into white rappers. But I really, really appreciate his stuff. I think we were still living in Athens when J discovered him, but every so often I remember to visit him on youtube. My two favorites are 4AM and Strong as an OAK. My favorite quote of his is if I get my 15 minutes, I’m going to stay myself, so when that sixteenth minute comes, I won’t hate myself.
I’m the person you hate because I already busted out the Christmas music. I’m really not sorry. Our holiday was stolen from us last year. We spent much of December in a haze, panicked, stressed, scared, and sad. So yeah. I’m already listening to Christmas music, dammit!
I hope you all are having a great week so far! Things have been sort of crazy around these parts with book writing back underway. Many of you have asked if I’m doing nanowrimo, and no, I’m not. It just so happened to coincide with the beginning of my schedule. I adore the community, but that kind of thing puts a kind of pressure on my process that paralyzes me. But it is nice to have some company for the first leg of this ride. I’ll be writing well into February, if all goes according to schedule (it never does). Anyway! Sushi Thursday for the win tonight.
What are you guys up to?
by Joey | Nov 4, 2015 | Throwback
Something I get asked more often than I’d ever expect is what products do you use in your hair? I used to have some serious hair envy going on growing up. My high school best friend had amazing hair. And I was always the girl that chopped her hair to chin length when it’d finally grow down to her shoulders because I’d crave change. What can I say.
But ever since I was traumatized with a bad haircut just after J and I got married, I’ve had long hair. And y’all. I’ve struggled. I have naturally wavy/curly/unruly hair. It’s fine in texture but I have a lot of it. And if you don’t believe me, let me invite you over when I clean out the shower drain with a hanger (because who ever remembers to buy a drain snake?) once a month. ew gross. My hair was dull, frizzy, and just generally not cute.
I’ve dropped too many dollar bills on fancy, expensive products that really didn’t do much for me except make me broke. Several years ago, my Aunt sent me samples of a Garnier Fructis product she’d been loving. I was hesitant to try it because in the past their products would weigh my hair down and left it greasy at the roots.
But the Garnier Fructis Hydro Recharge is the only shampoo and conditioner I consistently go back to. It leaves my hair weightlessly clean, voluminous, and silky soft. It also helps me
extend the time between washes. Plus, it’s stinking cheap and easy to find.
Most of the time I just wash my hair at night, rub in some of the leave in cream, and go to bed with wet hair (don’t judge me). But if I’m actually styling my hair, I’ll spray in some thickening treatments and a layer of heat protectant for good measure.
Garnier Fructis Hydro Recharge Shampoo & Conditioner
Garnier Fructis Sleek & Shine Leave In Cream
Garnier Fructis Full & Plush Mega Full Thickening Lotion
Pantene Pro-V Powerful Body Fullness Spray
Tresemme Thermal Creations
Bada bing. Bada boom. Hair secrets revealed!
