by Joey | Mar 4, 2024 | Wine Down
I’m not going to lie, when I finished the series I was so sad I didn’t have anything else to fill the space. I was gripped. I came into it late — like most things, I heard about it as it was ramping up, but I tend to steer clear of fast trends. It’s an odd anxiety trigger for me — this feeling of “lack.” So I tend to excuse myself from the things everyone is super into until the initial rush is over. I swear it stems from being the youngest and the “last picked,” but this isn’t one of my therapy sessions so let’s move on. All of that is to say, I just finished the series on Friday and holy moly you guys.
Let’s talk about ReesaTeesa & Who TF did I marry?
I need to say this first because I think it’s vital. “Reesa” could be any of us. I appreciate her courage in sharing this story — and, in her words, sharing the truth even when it makes her look bad. Because in reality, so many of us have had the same thoughts. We have all experienced the same internal struggles, the same motivators, the same resistance to pay attention to our gut feelings because we want the thing so damn bad.
She said it herself; she wanted it to be her turn. And damn, what woman can’t relate to that on some level?
If you want the TLDL (listen) — the quick summary is (spoilers, obviously): ReesaTeesa met a man on FB dating (she also matched with him on Hinge but the name was slightly different so she didn’t make the connection right away until he pointed it out). On her way to their first date, her tire blew out and he won her over by coming to her rescue, changing her tire, replacing (and paying for) a new tire then spoiling her at the Cheesecake Factory. They fell hard and fast and when the world shut down two weeks later thanks to Covid, they decided to quarantine together despite their original stance not to ever live with a partner until marriage because they didn’t want to be alone during the quarantine.
From there, Reesa was taken on an absolute rollercoaster. Legion, as we’ll call him, claimed to be very well off from his arena football days and he also claimed to be a VP of a condiment company set in Atlanta, GA. He dangled $700,000.00 houses and BMWs, making promises he never, ever intended to keep just to watch her get excited then crushed. Shortly after they moved in together, Reesa found out she was pregnant. But the pregnancy would end in a painful miscarriage and a D&C where she waited in recovery for over 3 hours for Legion, who per his fake personal assistant had to get out of a meeting and come pick her up from all the way across town.
He faked jobs, backgrounds, family members, phone calls, deaths, the lies go on and on. Reesa, all along, had a strange feeling, so much so that she kept voice diaries on her phone where she could basically try to talk things through in order to reason with herself. In the end, she kicked him out after discovering his series of lies thanks to discovering a discrepancy in the SSN he used for a background check required for a new job.
This lead her down a path to discover that he did not attend the school he claimed, never lived in CA as he claimed, had been married more than once, had a criminal history that involved impersonating a police officer and that he was a forklift operator at the condiment company, not a VP, and didn’t resign — he was fired.
She kicked him out only then to discover he didn’t have any money and he became homeless. Members of his family contacted her to untangle the truth from the lies on their end when he showed up claiming that he found her cheating, which only helped her to further solidify how much he really lied to her. They divorced in August of 2021, and she went on to share her story in a 52 part series on TikTok that went insanely viral.
Key Takeaways
Forget your timeline
“Being married to the wrong person is a type of hell no one should have to go through.” Reesa ended the series with that statement. You guys, please, for the love of all that is holy SCREW YOUR TIMELINE. If you feel like you are forcing something — if you feel like you are dragging a mule, if you are blatantly ignoring bright red flags — get out of there.
Your commitment to this arbitrary timeline is going to get you into situations that will be painful, messy and hard to get out of. I can promise you, the world doesn’t suddenly become this magical place just because you get a shiny piece of jewelry and the license to change your name.
When it comes to marriage, you want it to be right…not right now.
Listen to your gut
I am the person people come to. It’s been this way my entire life. I’m the one people confide in, seek advice from, lean on. So I’ve heard it straight from their own mouths that they know something isn’t right. They can feel it in their bones, but for whatever reason, they ignore their instincts. They ignore the advice. They sweep it under the rug.
Those same friends have sought comfort and refuge from me when their relationships crumble. For some, it was just painful and unfortunate. For others, it was downright scary and dangerous.
Your gut knows what is right and what isn’t. You owe yourself enough respect to listen to it.
Speakerphone is underrated
I’m married to a football coach who is a master recruiter. The number of phone calls that man has taken in my house cannot be counted. Each and every one of them, much to my dismay, on speakerphone.
I never realized that was something I should be grateful for until I listened to/watched this series. So much of what Reesa went through could probably have been avoided if only she asked for certain calls to be on speakerphone. Homie straight up faked important phone calls with made up people.
Trust but verify
I am a person with deep rooted trust issues, much to my husband’s chagrin. I want proof. All. The. Proof. As women, we are often made out to seem crazy or ridiculous when we press too hard into things. Y’all. You are allowed to trust your instincts and request what you need to feel comfortable.
If someone thinks you’re crazy for trusting but verifying, they’re not a person you want around.
If you gripped by Who TF Did I Marry, you need to listen to this podcast
Not to diminish Reesa’s experience, but if you think her story is crazy — you need to listen to this season of Something Was Wrong. I think about this story at least once a week. Similar type set up except “Kenzi” meets “Joe” by applying for a job as a nanny for his kid. The interview turns into a date and the rest is absolutely f***ing insanely chaotic romance. I’ve listened to the season more than once because I’m like wait, hold up, did I hear that right? I did. It’s gripping and heartbreaking and absolutely terrifying to know just how far people will go.
If you engrossed in Who TF Did I Marry, you should read The Last Thing He Told me by Laura Dave
I confessed that I was in a reading slump on TikTok at the start of this year, and people came through with the recommendations. And one of my IRL friends recommended The Last Thing He Told Me by Laura Dave, and that’s the book I chose to read in an attempt to get out of my slump.
Y’all. It worked. I was hooked. Once again, you have this woman who knows one thing to be true only to discover that she was so, so wrong. When her husband disappears one day, leaving her only one message protect her, referring to his teenage daughter, the main character goes on a hunt to find out the truth and bring her husband home.
Again, if you were entertained by Who TF Did I Marry, you’ll like the book. I promise.
Okay, that’s it from me for today. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. Have you listened/watched Who TF Did I Marry? What do you think women could do differently to avoid finding themselves in a similar situation?
Until next time! XOXO
by Joey | Feb 28, 2024 | Real Life
*This post contains affiliate links
My dad died 8 years ago. He was sick, but it was also unexpected. He had recently been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. And at his diagnosis, his doctor assured my mother when your kids Google this disease, they’re going to see a 5 year life expectancy. That’s old information.
My father died 2 years later.
I’m the baby of five — we’re all spread out across the US. It was New Years Eve, and my mom had just texted the kids’ group chat with a pretty grim update. Not a one of us responded.
We didn’t know what to say.
We didn’t know what to do.
My husband came home from work and found me sitting numb on the couch. I gave him the update and he asked why I wasn’t on my way home. We were living in Charlotte at the time — my parents were in Raleigh.
I don’t know what to do, I confessed to him. No one has made the call. Not only did we kids not respond to my mom’s message, we didn’t contact one another, either. I think we were all just stuck in this state of inaction. Like, is this really happening?
I don’t want to make the call, go home and have this be nothing, I told him.
What my husband said next, I’m fairly confident all five of us kids are thankful for.
Make the call. If you all go home and it’s nothing, then you had a nice visit with your family. If you don’t go home and it’s something, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.
There it was. We needed someone else to make the call — to tell us what to do. It’s a strange place to be in, smack dab in the middle of a life-altering moment. You think you’d know what you’d do. But the moment feels much different once you’re in it.
So, I called my big sister, the oldest. She was at work but seemed to be in the same stuck state that I was in. I think we have to round up the troops. Form there, she called the others. And there it was, the beginning of the end set into motion.
My father was sent home on hospice. He slipped into a coma shortly after. And he passed twelve days after I called my big sister and asked that we all go home.
The next day, my sisters and I sat in a funeral home with the most delightful funeral director you’ll ever meet (shout out, Heather!) making arrangements and picking a casket. My father was set to be buried in a veteran cemetery, so we didn’t have to worry about choosing a a plaque (like headstones made in bronze), so that was at least one decision off our plate.
The first few days that followed were a total blur of familiar faces, warm embraces and those deep belly laughs that only surface when you’re reliving a hilarious, heartwarming memory.
But then reality sets in. You’re figuring out finances and passwords and death certificates, canceling membership and figuring out what’s next?
And then it was all over. I was hanging my black dress in the back window of my car and making the drive back to my house. Back to reality. Back to normal. Except nothing, nothing, was normal.
There’s a shift in your reality when you lose a parent. I wasn’t particularly close with my dad. But even still, the world is altered. Your family dynamic is permanently changed. And it’s a change no one, for whatever reason, can properly articulate.
My family is no stranger to loss. Big loss. Painful loss. And yet, this was different. It wasn’t just a loss, it was an obliteration to the family unit I’d known my whole life.
In the years that followed, we sold my childhood home. My mom bought a house of her own and moved in by herself. After a lifetime of chaos and noise and partnership, suddenly, there was a new quiet life in a brand new house.
A house I’m not sure will ever feel the same as home.
I was 29 when my dad died. He missed my 30th birthday. My mom’s cancer diagnosis. The birth of my son. Life. He’s missed a whole hell of a lot of life.
And yet, our lives keep going. Back to normal. Except nothing is normal.
by Joey | Feb 26, 2024 | Wine Down
*This post contains affiliate links
Thank God for good reality TV. There’s just something about getting sucked into the alternate universe where the emotions are high and nothing seems like normal life.
I could take or leave season 5 of LIB. But this season? Yes please thank you very much. Talk about delivering on the drama, y’all.
I have opinions. I’d love to know where you stand on these topics, so be sure to sound off in the comments below.
I feel like this should go without saying but to (and your’s): SPOILERS AHEAD! At the time of writing this, I’ve watched all that’s been released: Episode 9: Secret Rendezvous.
First up, let’s talk about the Chelsea + Megan Fox + Jimmy situation.
I want to make something clear: Chelsea is gorgeous. Absolutely f***ing gorgeous. I don’t think anyone would be discussing how she looks if she didn’t bring up this comparison. That being said — the stare down Jimmy gave the camera during the reveal said a mouthful without a single word being uttered.
I had to go back and rewatch the scene because I couldn’t remember how the topic even came up and imagine my surprise when I realize…
Just before this exchange, Chelsea had asked Jimmy if he could really see himself being with someone at the end of this. His response? I don’t want to talk about other people, but yes. There’s some awkward silence and then he asks to change the subject.
I MEAN!!!!
The subject change? Chelsea asks Jimmy if anyone ever tells him he looks like a celebrity. Sneaky sneaky. I see what you did there, girl.
The first words out of Jimmy’s mouth when he make the Megan Fox connection? Can we get married?
Say what you want, but the strategy worked in the moment, I’d say. Did it work long-term? Well, only time will tell. The previews for what’s to come would suggest otherwise.
Do I think Jimmy chose Chelsea over Jessica because of the comparison? Yes. I think he really liked them both, but Chelsea’s goofy personality gave her a slight edge. A goofy gorgeous girl makes for a special kind of life. What man doesn’t want a woman who can make you snort laugh and turn you on?
I think Chelsea loved Trevor but liked Jimmy. But I think she chose Jimmy because he picked her. And she said herself: she felt unlovable. And it’s clear she’s dealt with insecurity issues in her life (not a dig — we all do). And despite logic, I can imagine it feels a certain kind of way when an insecure person is the one picked in that kind of situation.
Chelsea said it herself, she thought Jimmy was dumping her when he came out with the “I love you.” It clearly caught her off guard and took her by complete surprise. It made her feel special, I can’t blame her for that. Especially knowing who she was up against, as a girl with insecurity issues myself, hell, I’d feel some kind of way if chosen over Jessica for sure.
Honorable mention: The T-Rex run at the reveal. Now, I get it — it has to be so painfully awkward to close that distance at a normal pace. But maybe, just maaayyyybbbee we let the dude do the running next time.
Brittany & Kenneth & the world’s most bizarre breakup.
I actually said out loud what did I just watch as the scene was ending. There was Brittany, folded over at the kitchen counter, crying one of those deep, gutteral, soul escaping kind of cries and Kenneth just…what? Walks upstairs, packs a bag and calls his buddy?
I was so confused by the whole thing. I know editing does editing things, but there had to be something that happened behind the scenes. Because Brittany brings up one intense conversation and Kenneth just bails? And I actually really liked them in the pods. I thought they were the real deal. I know the conversation with AD rattled Kenneth. And I certainly think that altered things for Kenneth — but how was that not something he considered before proposing?
Whatever the case, I have to say it was one of the oddest breakups I’ve ever witnessed. What did you guys think?
Matthew defends himself
We all saw the awkwardness play out on screen. And we’ve all probably watched enough reality TV to assume that editing plays a massive role. But I was definitely left wondering what was real and what was the magic of producers and editing. But we don’t have to wonder any more because in the comment section of a video montage that Love is Blind posted to their Instagram account, Matthew sounded off in the comment section.
“Key element of my story that was never disclosed is that I live an alcohol free lifestyle and did the experiment sober,” Matthew said from his own personal account. “It was a key factor in why I had so much difficulty connecting with women in the beginning. There was also many misrepresentations and falsehoods created in my opinion to smear my character. I look forward to telling my side of the story with the full truth at the appropriate time.” He also went on to say that the truth was misrepresented and that he never walked out on a woman when she was talking.
Sarah Ann came to his defense during a recent Q&A on her Instagram.
I have to imagine doing the experiment sober would be tough. Probably not as tough as having to check yourself into an alcohol rehab post filming — which I feel like some contestants should probably do.
Jeramey, Lost & Found, Sarah Ann & Laura
WTF. That’s honestly the thought that ran on a loop in my mind while I watched that scene. What the actual eff? I was honestly just so confused initially because maybe I’m in the minority here but I got the vibe that Jeramey was a good, cool fun dude initially. I thought he was really in this thing. I only just recently saw the reports that he had been engaged just weeks before the show filmed — which he claims he didn’t keep a secret, but it’s all a little too convenient if you ask me. My mouth was hanging open the whole scene. And I have so many questions.
- If you were out with other cast mates, why wasn’t Laura included?
- Where did Laura think you were and what did she think you were out doing?
- If there really wasn’t anything to hide, why not just tackle the situation head on? Laura was part of the same experiment. Why not just send a text, instead of sharing your location, with like “Hey, I know this looks really bad but Sarah Ann is here and we feel like we need to chat things through. I’ll be home late, but I am coming home. You’re still it for me.”
I don’t think the answers to those questions actually matter. And I definitely don’t think number 3 would go over all that well, but clearly this didn’t go over well, either.
I have to say, though. The fact that Laura knew the whole time that Jeramey wasn’t where he was claiming to be and came in with that mic drop moment? ::Chef’s Kiss:: Now that’s some good TV.
I think that’s all I’ve got for today. I do have one question though. In the preview scene where we see Chelsea yelling You f***ed her! I know you f***ed her! do you think she’s yelling at Jimmy? Because I most definitely assumed, initially, that she was confronting Jimmy about Jessica. But now, I’m not so sure. There’s a part of me that wonders if she’s actually yelling at Jeramey about the Sarah Ann situation. So tell me below — what do you think?
Alright friends! That’s it for me — until the next drop!
by Joey | Feb 23, 2024 | Real Life
*This blog post is sponsored by edmunds and includes affiliate links.
I feel like life really kicked into high gear when I entered my thirties. Carrie Bradshaw really said it best in the S&TC movie when she said Enjoy yourself, that’s what your 20s are for. Your 30s are to learn the lessons. And your 40s are to pay for the drinks. I mean, I kicked off my thirties by quitting my day job and launching a company with my blogging bestie turned IRL bestie. That right there should have given me some clue as to how wild this decade would be.
One of my besties is in her early twenties, and I find us having conversations often that make me realize how experience really changes a person and impacts their perspective on life. My friend is wise well beyond her years, but even still I’ve found myself saying a few times you haven’t learned this yet, but…
When I first started this blog way back when, I used to have a series where I had other bloggers guest post featuring lessons they’d learned the hard way. I really loved that series because it helped me (and so many others) feel like we weren’t alone. So I thought I’d bring back some blogging nostalgia and share the lessons I’ve learned in my thirties.
It’s not a race. That timeline you had in your early 20s doesn’t matter.
By time I was set to graduate college, my then boyfriend and I had been together five years. When I tell you I was ready to be engaged, I. was. ready. So many of my friends had their sparkly new accessory and were trying on wedding dresses and I felt pressure and every single ounce of jealousy. I attended so many weddings where people asked so you’re next, right? And it nearly killed me. I had these big ideas of being married young and being a young mom and and and.
It all felt so big and important and like omg I might just die if this doesn’t happen when I think it should. We got engaged a year after we graduated, and we got married a year after that. And you know what? So many of those engagements I was jealous of either ended before I do or they’d filed for divorce before I even got engaged. We’ll celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary and our 21st dating anniversary this year. It’s not a race. Take your time. Know what’s right for you.
Parenthood is physical.
I spent the first week of this year in the hospital with debilitating back pain. Certain I’d end up in surgery, I was totally surprised when the spine specialist came in and told me 1) it was a severe strained muscle and 2) that this is a super common injury in moms. The doctor went on to tell me that what moms don’t know is that they need to be in fighting shape. Those were the words he used. Fighting. Shape. We have to be strong. And damn, if that’s not the truth.
Really do you research when making big financial purchases.
I feel like I probably learned this in my twenties but it was truly driven home as we cruised into our mid thirties. Buying our first house, having our first baby, both of us buying new (to us) cars — I feel like money was just flying out of our bank account left and right those first few years of our thirties.
It’s important that you educate yourself on the loan options available to you, price comparing (especially when it comes to used cars) and the value of a good interest rate. I really feel like more of this stuff should be taught in school. I’ve never had to use an algebreic equation with pie in my adult life — but don’t you worry, they definitely tried to drive it into my brain in high school. Understanding simple home loans or tax information? Pshh. Who needs to know that?
No one really knows what they’re doing.
I got a taste of this when I started my first company in 2016. I was plagued with insecurity and this fear that people would question my intelligence. I initially thought I should go back to school and get my MBA but a friend (thankfully) talked me out of it. You’ll learn on the job she told me. And she was right. As I immersed myself in the creative entrepreneur community in Charlotte (which, I might add, is filled with some of the smartest, coolest and kindest people on the planet), I learned quickly that no one really knows what they’re doing. They’re winging it until they figure it out.
This point was further driven home when I became a parent at 35. I’ve had so many conversations with my mom, my sisters, veteran mom friends, etc seeking advice only for them to tell what they did followed with a: but I had no idea what they were doing so take that for what it’s worth. Le’sigh.
The point here being: if there’s something you’ve been wanting to do but you’re waiting until you feel like you “know enough,” just do the damn thing. You’ll learn on the job. And no one actually knows what they’re doing.
The magic is sold separately.
Life was full of magical moments growing up. And as you enter into adulthood, you still experience some milestones that are designed with the magic built in: engagement, wedding, moving in with a partner, etc etc. But as you navigate further and further into reality, you quickly discover that life is full of regular schmegular days. And if you’re not careful to infuse some magic into those regular schmegular days, it can start to blur together and a depressing fog can settle over your life.
J and I had only been married for three years when we made the decision to stop traveling on the holidays. Before or after, sure. But the actual holiday, we stay put. We didn’t have kids yet, but we were so tired of spending all of the holidays in the car. That first Christmas, as the days crept closer to the actual holiday, it became glaringly obvious that we had to provide the magic ourselves otherwise the day would come and go, and it would feel no different than any other day.
We’ve since taken that lesson and sprinkled it throughout our regular lives. If we don’t make the effort to make something special, it can get lost in the mix of the day-to-day.
Trust me when I say there are loads more where these came from. If there’s one thing I do well, it’s flinging myself head first into painful life lessons. Let’s just say I do it for the plot.
Tell me below: what’s a lesson you’ve learned recently that you want others to know about?
by Joey | Dec 31, 2023 | Real Life
I’m not sure why I’m here, honestly. But as I sit here with my coffee, in the stillness of the morning before the rest of the house wakes up, I find myself navigating the mouse and here I am. It’s been a wild few years.
Hard. Beautiful.
Important. I feel like I got strapped into a rollercoaster at the beginning of 2019 and things haven’t really slowed down since. I lost myself in those years. I’ve found myself, too. And here I am now with all the pieces of who I am and who I used to be spread out on the kitchen table wondering
what was it all for?
If you’re new here, well, I don’t even know how to give you the spark notes version of the last 5 years. There’s been a lot of crazy twists and turns that I truly believe, deep down, have been for a purpose. Despite everything, I’ve always maintained a strong faith that God’s in this. All of this. The good. The bad. All on purpose.
I can see now, looking back, how I had to break in order for certain pieces to fit into my life. I think back to the girl I was sitting in my office on that afternoon in 2019 when my husband stood in the doorway telling me he’d lost his job. An overwhelming calmness rushed over that girl, much the same way it did back in 2014 when the same thing happened. God. I was scared, of course. But I was prepared for battle. Whatever this way shall come I remember thinking. Fear, I’ve learned, has a trusty companion if you allow it on the journey. Excitement. I worry now, if that girl had known what was really coming, she wouldn’t have felt excited at all. Luckily, she had no clue what was coming her way. Naive? Maybe. But I also believe that the excitement — the hope — is what guards our hearts. It’s what keeps us moving forward even when everything feels totally and completely out of control.
So I guess I’m here to tell you that. That hope has the power. That looking back at it all, sifting through the mess of the last 5 years, I found a shiny thread. And as I tugged at it, I found the hope laced through each and every difficulty, threading together something durable and beautiful.
2023 was one for the record books for me, friends. I became an Amazon Bestselling Author 9 freaking years after the book published. 🤯 I still don’t know how to wrap my mind around that one. But most importantly, 2023 reawakened a part of me I thought I had to put to rest. I’m writing again, and it feels like coming home.
In case you missed it, the 2nd book in the Yeah, maybe series, Not so much, released on September 1, 2023. And the third (and final!) book in the series will release late next year.
I feel like I owe you all such an enormous thank you. This year was so damn hard but so wonderful because of all of you. I wouldn’t be here without you.
I can’t wait to see what 2024 has in store. 🥰
Happy New Year!
