by Joey | Apr 17, 2024 | Joyful by Design
If you’re clicking on this blog post, I’m going to assume that you feel less-than in some way. Maybe you look at other people and think they have something I don’t. They know something I don’t. I know this because that was me. I lived most of my life feeling like I was a waste of space.
It’s hard to admit that. Really hard. But it’s the truth.
I will tell you this: nothing about me has changed from when I lived with that belief to now except my perspective. I am not more valuable now. I’m not more skilled now. I’m not more anything now than I was then.
I tell you that so you can understand this with clarity: you. are. valuable. You have a purpose. You are unique simply by being who you are. There are qualities within you that others do not have. The person you are is a perfect blended cocktail of amazingness put on this planet on purpose. And by not being yourself, you’re not just hurting yourself, you’re doing a disservice to those in your hemisphere.
Because you matter. Just the way you are.
Don’t believe me? Okay, that’s fair. I wouldn’t have believed me at first either. So let’s take a look at some of the things I did (and you can do) to help you establish the foundation of confidence that’ll get you to a place where you do believe me.
How to be more confident
Do things that build trust within yourself
I had to honor the small commitments I made to myself to help establish and foster self-respect. Self-respect. You might be rolling your eyes right now. But listen to me: you have to respect yourself before you can establish confidence. The two are so closely linked it’s almost impossible to differentiate the two.
To establish self respect, you have to do things that you respect. I know, revolutionary. But it was to me. Making this simple revelation was imperative for me. Duh. I have to do things I respect to respect myself. I wasn’t going to get there by continuing to let myself down.
I have this (somewhat dark and twisted) theory on life: I won’t let myself down anymore. Other people do that with gleefor free.
I know, who knew. The happy girl has a dark side.
But it’s true, friend. There will always be people in this world who will let you down. Don’t be that person to yourself.
Do some self reflection and identify what qualities and core values you respect and then try them on for size.
I built trust within myself by keeping my promises to myself. If I set an alarm for a certain time in the morning, I got up when the alarm went off. If I said I was going to go for a run, I went for a run. If I said I wasn’t going to drink soda for a day, I didn’t drink soda for the day. It wasn’t easy. It’s not easy. It won’t ever be easy. But start small and work your way up. Honor the commitments you make to yourself.
You will respect the hell out of yourself for it.
Let yourself try
Once I knew what I wanted, I had to give myself the chance to try. This was when I really started to come into myself. This is also the first time I realized I was smart. I honestly lived my entire life assuming I was dumb. I loved school but wasn’t a great student — I had a lot of trouble in classes but also, I didn’t have any help. I didn’t grow up in the kind of house where help was available. (Any other latchkey kids here?) I didn’t even know I could get help. I thought you either got it or you didn’t.
And I didn’t. Oh, well that sucks. I pulled the short straw.
That’s ridiculous to me now. I look for help all the time now. Sure, I’m still not great at asking for it, but I look to research for help literally all the time now.
It’s amazing the type of courage you can muster up to try something when you know there are resources to support you. I don’t know much. But Google knows everything.
And I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and Google who supplies all the answers I don’t know.
All jokes aside, the confidence comes from doing, friend. I wish there were another way, I do. Because I know how scary it is to try. I know how scary it is to attempt something that you will not be good at initially. Please try. And continue to try. You will find yourself in this experience. And dare I say it, you will actually start to like yourself.
There’s a quote I live by. Albert Einstein said it:
Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it’ll live its whole life believing it’s stupid.
You are not stupid. You are not less-than. You just need to find your pond. Keep searching, it’s out there.
Eliminate the noise
Give yourself a break from social media consumption for a hot minute. In 2017, I decided I was going to introduce a Social Media Free day every week. The very first time I did it, I liked it so much I decided to keep it going the next day. And the next. And the next. Before I knew it, I’d unintentionally taken an entire month off from social media. I owned an online business at the time. (I add this in because I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking you could never. I thought the same thing. And guess what: you can. You really, really can. My business survived. Yours will, too).
I learned a lot from accidentally quitting social media for a month. But the biggest value from stepping away and eliminating the noise was the self-discovery. I had a chance to think real thoughts. I was able to determine my own opinions. It’s crazy, I know, but so much of what we think and believe is just a product of the sum of the thousands and thousands thoughts and opinions we consume daily.
Getting to know yourself, really getting to know yourself will help you tremendously to stand on a firm foundation. And a firm foundation, a solid understanding of who you are and what you believe in, will give you so much confidence it’s almost ridiculous that it could be that simple. (It’s simple but not easy.)
Edit & refine your circle.
You are who you spend time with. I used to hate that advice growing up. But sadly, friend. It’s true. If you’re hanging out with negative nellies all the time, well…that negativity will creep in and start to poison the well. If you’re spending time with people who don’t respect you? Well, they’ll provide the confirmation your limiting belief is looking for. If you’re around people who put you down, how will you ever pull yourself out from underneath their foot?
It’s annoying advice, I know. But you really have to take a look at who you’re spending time with — I mean this IRL and online. Pay attention to who you follow online. Maybe you follow someone whose content always makes you feel bad about yourself for one reason or another. Mute them. Unfollow them. Comparison is the thief of joy, sure. But it’s also the squasher of confidence.
When it comes to editing your IRL circle, a hard truth to swallow is that yes: this might look like cutting people out of your life or distancing yourself from certain people. This is not fun. And it’s not easy. And yes, it can be very lonely and isolating at first. But hear me when I tell you this: you are making room for the right people.
The universe abhors a vacuum. Remove and something else will replace it. Give it time. The right people will come into your life. And it’ll feel so. much. better.
There’s so much I could say on the subject. And I did here in this video, if you’re interested for the chattier side of things. But the bottomline, if you get nothing else from this post, is this: you are worth respecting.
I hope that this has offered you some sense of comfort and courage to start the journey to finding your confidence. Because friend, I want that for you. I really, really do.
Until next time! XOXO!
by Joey | Apr 15, 2024 | beauty
If you know me at all, you know there are just some things I can’t be bothered with. While I love makeup and can truly appreciate the art of a full face, that’s just never been my style. In fact, I was all set to take a management position at Lancôme just out of college but ended up turning it down because they insisted I wear more makeup. It makes sense, and I’m not knocking them for that. I get it. I just also knew myself well enough to know that my day-to-day look just…isn’t that.
So I can sit here and claim all day long that my makeup application is due to the mom season of life that I’m in. But that’s just not true. This is who I am and just who I’ve always been. When it comes to makeup, less is more for me.
That being said, I am not a makeup-free girlie. I don’t care, but I do care a little bit. You know? I hope you know.
After years and years of being this middle-of-the-road makeup wearer, there are a couple of products I will always repurchase. It’s a mix of drugstore makeup and high end, but I can promise you they’re worth the investment because I’m also a cheap girlie.
Make up products I will always repurchase
I resisted for a long, long time. I also tried pretty much every product that claimed to be a dupe. I’m sorry to tell you, there just isn’t one that matches up. There are a few that come close, sure. But I still find myself repurchasing this product halfway through tubes of “dupes.” Save yourself the money and skip the dupes. It’s not often I’ll tell you that. But this is one product that absolutely lives up to the claims. The fact that it has 50SPF is alone a selling point for this elder millennial. But the coverage, finish and lasting power all just drive the sale home. Trust me, it’s worth the price tag.
This is so inexpensive. It’s also so so good. As an oily girl, I’ve tried pretty much every drugstore powder under the sun. The Bare Minerals mineral veil was the only thing I’d wear for the longest time because it was the only thing I could trust. This super duper inexpensive drugstore loose powder is exactly the product I’d been searching for. I’ve been using it for years now. And I will continue to repurchase it until the dreaded day it’s discontinued (which seems to be the fate of every product I love but I digress…) I also really love the stay matte version of it that you can find at Walmart).
I did a waterproof mascara smackdown after my dad died in 2016. Morbid, I know. But I had to add some levity and pull some value from the situation, okay? I am who I am.
The winner of the smackdown was a variation of this same mascara. I then went on to use the non-waterproof version of the winner for years until this one came out.
The sensationlash mascaras are just unmatched in the drugstore in my opinion. I have teeny tiny baby lashes with hooded eyelids. Finding a mascara that works for me is practically impossible. This one lengthens, volumizes, fans lashes and doesn’t transfer. I don’t use the waterproof version, and it stays put. Doesn’t flake. And removes like a dream with regular face wash. If you need a new drugstore mascara, give it a go. I think you’ll love it.
Okay friend! That’s it from me today! XOXO
by Joey | Apr 12, 2024 | Mom stuff
*disclaimer
I have a 2.5 year old son. I also work full-time while keeping him home with me. I’m not going to lie, it’s…hard.
Like, really freaking hard.
We also decided to eliminate screens at the start of 2024. So for the last 4 months, I’ve been a full-time work from home stay at home mom to a toddler without the help of my trusty co-parent: Ms. Rachel.
SOS.
Like with anything, some days are better than others. But you can bet your bottom dollar that those tough days have inspired me to do just about all the research there is to do on how to keep this wild creature living in my house entertained (and off my keyboard).
Let my trial and error give you a leg up. These are tried and true favorites in this house (and they help me keep my sanity…and my job). These are the “big guns” I pull out when I really need to focus on what I’m doing. (You know, to like, write another book or figure out the merchant account services for my business. 🤪)
Toddler toys that actually keep them busy
We got this toolbox as a gift from his cousin who is about 6 months older than him for his second birthday. When I texted a few days after his party with my profuse gratitude (and praise for the life-saving toy), they replied that it was a well-loved toy in their house, too, so she knew it would be put to good use. I’ve since learned that they’ve gifted this same toolbox multiple times over, and I can see why.
This made its way under the tree for Christmas, and it was one of the first things that captivated his attention that day. That’s saying a lot because I mean…it was Christmas. But he really enjoys not just using it properly, but he also likes “resetting” the beads by pulling them from the cones & putting them back into the pull area.
Reusable sticker books (we like this one, this one and this one)
I mentioned this in a recent blog post where I shared how we eliminated screens for our toddler. These come in handy in so many different situations. I love them for when I’m on a meeting at home, but we’ve also brought them with us to restaurants and to relative’s houses that are…we’ll just say…not kid friendly.
We live in a seriously remote area. Everywhere and anywhere we need to travel takes no less than 25 minutes. The kiddo has always done well in the car (thank God), but this book is his favorite thing to play with in the car. He’s also learned so much from it. He was borderline speech delayed, which is what prompted the purchase of the book in the first place. I now hear him repeating words and sounds from the backseat which is just a total bonus.
My water obsessed child would play all day in the dog’s water dish if I let him. So take this recommendation with a grain of salt — but this is functional sink came with so many things that getting bored is just not an option. I will say, prepare your space with towels if your child is as messy as mine — but I would buy this sink five times over if I could. He couldn’t believe the faucet worked the first time he turned it on.
Ok, this is a cheat because we don’t actually own it. But a friend does — and it’s on our wish list because any time we see these friends, the kiddo totally ignores all living creatures (which is saying a lot because he is dog and cat obsessed and they have both) for the entire duration of our visit.
He asks about this toy at least once a day.
I mean, this is probably a super obvious one if you’re a toddler parent. But if you’re a toddler parent that is like me, you might be resisting. The idea of a water table did not seem appealing to me for a few reasons — but honestly, all of those reasons went right out the window once I actually set it up.
Now, I couldn’t imagine getting through our day without it. I have had to learn to embrace mess and the fact that the toddler will likely have to change clothes a few times a day. But truthfully, I much prefer that to battling him all day long.
My mom bought this for the kiddo. Initially, she offered for us to take it to our house — but our home is small, and we try to visit my mom’s house a few times a week. We decided to keep it at her house, and it was absolutely the right move! Going to visit Grandma’s is even more exciting! He starts talking about his trains the second we pass a certain point in our journey. He knows exactly where we’re going and what he’s going to get to do.
The train table has also proven to be a big hit with his (much much older) cousins. When everyone was visiting for the holidays, I even spotted the cousins who are in their 20s playing with it.
Play kitchen (ours is discontinued, but this one is similar)
I feel like this one doesn’t require a lot of explanation because most everybody has a play kitchen of some sort. But as I mentioned before, our house is very small. I wasn’t sure how I would feel about giving up real estate to a play kitchen. If you’re also on the fence, do it. I promise, with the right accessories (we like this food cutting set and this pretend kitchen play set), it’ll keep the kiddo busy for quite a while. Bonus: as a sensation seeking kiddo (if you don’t know what that is, here’s an explanation), he likes to squeeze himself into the oven. I feel like any time I tell this story I have to over emphasize that it’s his play kitchen oven because I worry a bystander will overhear and think I allow my child to hang out in our oven. I do not.
My sister-in-law (I’d say my brother, but we all know it was my SIL who sent the gift) gave this to the little sometime after he first started walking. He didn’t quite grasp the concept of the game, but he knew he liked the clubs and balls. Well, now he actually uses it as a golf set in the backyard and he can busy himself for hours setting it up and putting around. Bonus: he also uses the golf caddy bag as transport for many other things — and a lot of times even that will keep him busy — filling it with pinecones or rocks and relocating them around the yard.
Okay, that’s it for me for today! If you have a tried and true favorite toddler toy that isn’t shared here, drop it in the comments below! I know I and the other moms would appreciate any and all recommendations!
Until next time, friend! XOXO
by Joey | Apr 10, 2024 | Joyful by Design
*disclaimer
Confession? I was a pretty insecure person most of my life. It’s been quite a journey for me to find myself, establish confidence and feel worthy to take up space. And it’s definitely an ongoing journey.
Truthfully, something just sort of clicked and I got totally fed up feeling weak and less-than.
As you know, I got hurled into a pretty scary career change at the start of last year. It’s been fun and exciting, sure. But it’s also been an experience that has given my self-doubt and insecurities super powers.
Recently, I noticed that I was making a lot of my decisions based on fear and doubt. But when I was journaling the other night, a mindset I relied on a lot last year came bubbling back up to the surface:
Nothing actually matters (in the best possible way) and no one cares that much (in the best possible way) so I might as well just live the life I want the way I want.
There are a number of things that have helped me along my journey over the years (some of which I discussed in a recent Youtube video), but that mindset always helps to untether my limitations.
Quotes that will empower you to be and feel confident
A ship is safe at harbor, but that’s not what ships are for. – John A. Shedd
“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” – Nelson Mandela
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie
This goes along nicely with what I always say: confidence comes from doing. I never once considered this concept until I actually started pursuing the things I wanted to do and realized like “whoa, wait…I’m getting this!” Something that really unlocked that feeling for me was when I started doing the C25K program back in 2014. I was the most inactive person on the planet at that time. So to actually be able to run, even a short distance, was so empowering!
“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” – Marcus Aurelius
“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because its trust is not on the branch but on its own wings.”
– Charlie Wardle
I didn’t realize how true this quote could be until my layoff last year. I didn’t know I could trust my wings, but the wings definitely took over without a second thought when the branch broke. I think the thing that really helped me in the midst of that experience was my faith. I made a practice of reading the bible years ago (I need to get back into it), but there are a number of bible verses to help you fight fear, and the more familiar you are with the word, the more ingrained it becomes in you. And I swear that’s what held my foundation together when my knees got swept out from beneath me.
“Stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and start being excited about what could go right.”
– Tony Robbins
I used to brag about being a champion worrier. What a horrible thing to be so proud of. I’m a pretty optimistic person, but I also have anxiety that drives me to think through every worst case scenario. Only recently have I started to really let myself dream about how well everything could work out. And you know what? I’ve already seen a difference in the experience I’m having just based on that shift alone.
“Don’t take criticism from people you wouldn’t take advice from.”
– Kyle Freedman
I talk about Brené Brown’s 1 inch square piece of paper in this Youtube video.
“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.”
– Suzy Kassem
Can confirm.
“Limitations only live in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless” – Jamie Paolinetti
“You can have anything you want if you are willing to give up the belief that you can’t have it.” Dr. Robert Anthony
“If you think you can do a thing or you think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.” – Henry Ford
I’ve heard this quote a million times. I’m sure you probably have, too. But do you know the story of Henry Ford? I only became familiar with it last summer and holy cow he means it, you guys. He means it and he lived it. If you don’t know his story, you should really check it out sometime. It’ll inspire the pants off of you.
“Anything is possible once you believe you are worthy of achieving it.” Jason Pockrandt
“A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.”
— Zen Shin
“You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving yourself and see what happens.”
— Louise Hay
“Find out who you are and do it on purpose.”
— Dolly Parton
This reminds me of the Avett Brother’s song Head full of doubt/Road full of Promise that says “decide what to be and go be it.” It seems so simple, huh?
It’s funny because I truly believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that you deserve to feel confident. That you deserve to take up space. That you are amazing and the world is a better place because you’re in it.
Now if only we could all collectively remember that all the time. 🤪
That’s it for me today, friend! Now go be the badass I know you are! Until next time! XOXO
by Joey | Apr 8, 2024 | Wine Down
Who else hadn’t ever heard of a podcast before Serial swept the internet? 🙋🏻♀️ I actually remember hearing about it and wondering how the heck you were supposed to consume it. It wasn’t until someone explained to me that there was an app, you search the title, and then each episode plays kind of like an audiobook.
Huh, I thought. Interesting. I then proceeded to devour the series like everyone else on the planet.
It’s funny how you remember certain things so specifically. I was living about an hour away from my parents at the time, and my dad had just been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Christmas was very important to him, but getting their tree up just kept getting knocked down their todo list.
So I volunteered to go and set it up for them. The first day, I joyfully listened to Christmas music and chatted with my family.
But then the tree proceeded to fall down no less than 5 times, requiring me to drive all the way back to my parents’ house and start from scratch each time.
So I have vivid memories of the juxtaposition of setting up a Christmas tree while listening to a murder mystery.
Anyway, since then, I’ve been obsessed. I specifically like true crime series that tell an entire story start to finish.
While I know this is such a popular genre, I don’t feel like there are a ton of podcast shows that do this well. But here are a few that are top of my recommendations list (and I’m picky…like really picky).
True Crime Podcasts that I couldn’t get enough of
A girl starts a blog to document her cancer journey and it becomes wildly popular, attracting an audience who is willing to open their wallets to support a young, charismatic Christian mom during her time of need. The thing is, though, Amanda isn’t sick. This podcast reveals the journey to uncovering her lies and holding her accountable.
Besides being totally interesting (I was part of the blogging community during Amanda’s time online), this podcast is so well done. They hired a voice actor to read Amanda’s (now removed) blog posts, and her performance was outstanding!
I wanted to savor the episodes because it’s rare that I find a podcast these days that captivates me in this way. But of course, I devoured it because I just couldn’t. stop.
Imagine being behind bars for a gruesome crime that you aren’t denying. But no one knows the whole story. And what the public doesn’t know could change everything.
Two women tell the story of a young woman who is behind bars for killing her very own father. The young woman appears as herself throughout the show via prison phone calls like Adnan a’la Serial.
Each episode delivers a new blow with new secrets revealed.
It’s just before Covid, and Kenzi is looking for another gig to bring in some extra cash after an unexpected medical bill.
Enter: this charming British father looking for a nanny for his darling little girl.
The interview goes well.
Very well.
So well, in fact, that they both agree to forgo the nannying opportunity to instead explore the chemistry that neither one of them can deny.
It’s a modern day romance filled with twists and turns, with guest appearances from Federal Agents and lies. Lots and lots of lies.
Kenzi, who is a captivating storyteller, bares all as she shares intimate details of the dream romance that turned out to be nothing but a horrible nightmare.
A 21-year-old Mississippi man, briefly home from a the boat he worked on, was found dead in the bathroom of his apartment; a single gun-shot wound to his head.
Local police ruled his death a suicide after conducting a 45 minute investigation.
Substantial evidence would suggest otherwise. With a cast of characters one might expect to find on an episode of Breaking Bad, the narrative told reveals that there’s more to the story. So much more.
A mother desperate for the truth to come to light and an investigator, committed to seeking justice, investigate and share the details of Christian’s suspicious death.
Adea Shaboni is a young aspiring Hollywood actress and model. She’s also missing.
She vanished from her apartment complex near Hollywood’s walk of fame in February of 2018.
Her family, desperate for answers, seek the help of journalist Neil Strauss to find out what actually happened to Adea.
The full story, which came at great personal risk, is finally told.
In 2005, a beauty queen high school teacher doesn’t show up for work one morning, raising concern from all those who know her.
Tara Grinstead, chronically reliable, is no where to be found.
A documentarian takes on the challenge of finding the truth as he embarks on his first ever podcast project.
The captivating story, which is expertly told, suddenly takes a turn as the story turns into an in real time investigation.
The truth is revealed. And those responsible are held accountable.
And the podcast is to thank for solving a case that was previously described to be as cold as Alaska.
There are a few others that I enjoyed but aren’t quite as high up there on my recommendations list: Sh!t town and Down the hill just to name a couple.
If you happen to have a recommendation that isn’t on this list, please share it in the comments below. I would love to find new shows to listen to!
That’s it for me today! Until next time, friend! XOXO
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