by Joey | Mar 2, 2018 | Creative Entrepreneur
Finally, the dream was going to become the reality. I’d been working quietly behind the scenes for months. And the day after I worked the final day of my notice, I hopped a plane to NYC to celebrate my 30th birthday with my husband. To a new stage of life, we toasted. I was convinced leaving my day job and launching my own company would be the answer to every problem in my life. And I couldn’t believe I finally found the courage to make it happen.
From the moment I took a seat at my desk in my home office that first official day, something changed within me. Suddenly, my income (or lack there of) was totally dependent on the amount of work I was willing to put in. I wasn’t about to be the reason that I failed. Everything I did had to be perfect. Every single thing got my all. I would work from the moment my eyes opened until my head hit the pillow. (And, confession? Sometimes until my head hit the desk…)
It didn’t matter though, every moment was worth it. I’d built a thriving, successful business with my partner. We had more work than we knew what to do with, and things were only looking up. Except one thing we didn’t really account for…
I was fast approaching burn out.
Without realizing it, my dream job became a nightmare. I was working at all hours of the day. I existed in a perpetual state of overwhelm. I felt like no matter how much I worked, I could always do more. No matter how well the day went, I’d crawl in bed feeling defeated each night. And after a while of trying to maintain that unrealistic existence, it was breakdown city.
It took me by surprise, if I’m honest. My partner and I were always so careful to introduce boundaries where we saw they were necessary. Best friends with an ocean between us, we implemented strict communication boundaries. We had boundaries in place around our client work and communication guidelines. I thought we had it all figured out.
I later realized that I’d failed to implement the most important boundaries.
- There was no boundary in place to protect my working hours.
- There was no boundary in place to protect my life outside of the business.
- There was no boundary in place to make sure each project had its own designated focused time.
If you read any part of this blog post and found yourself nodding your head, hi. You’re my people. A perfectionist at heart, I was beginning to think the dream job was just an urban myth. But with careful and strategic boundaries, it can be a reality.
If you’re a fellow workaholic, you’re in a safe place. You’ll find new content each week on Fridays to help you transition from workaholic to boundary boss!
And if you really want to take things to the next level, consider my Boundary Boss Coaching Program!
by Joey | Mar 2, 2018 | Creative Entrepreneur
Let me set the scene. It’s 7PM. Your husband just walked in the door looking tired and hungry. Your youngest is sitting on the floor amidst a pile of spilled Cheerios screaming their head off. And your oldest just told you she wants her ears pierced. You have potatoes near boil on the stove, and the timer for the roast is going off.
And your phone rings.
Your instinct is to let it ring, but then you suddenly remember that you have a client who left you hanging earlier. Your mind quickly flashes back to the moment. I’m so sorry, I can’t track that information down. Mind if I give you a call in just a bit?
No problem, you hear yourself saying before you can think better of it. You recite your number and quickly move on to your next small fire.
You never in a million years thought they’d call you after you’d switched gears from Bad Ass Business Woman to Mommy. But one glimpse at the phone told you how very wrong you were.
You step over your screaming child while gesturing to your husband to grab the roast out of the oven and answer the call in the most chipper voice you can muster. You are 100% depleted and distracted. They’re quick to deliver the overdue information, but you’re standing in the coat closet trying to muffle the noise of your life just outside the door. No pen. No pad.
Great, great, you say then thank them. Would you mind shooting that over in an email? It seems I’ve just stepped out. You’re internally cursing yourself for not just instructing them to email the information over to begin with.
There are countless ways the lack of communication guidelines can threaten your business. Maybe it’s wasted time trying to hunt down information (did they email it to me? Slack message? G-Chat? Was it a comment on an Asana project?) or an untimely, distracting phone call while you’re working to meet a huge deadline. Whatever it is, it’s a problem.
Implementing communication guidelines helps you and your clients work more efficiently together. They know how and when to reach you. You can honor your working hours, and you’ll always know where to find important information.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself as you get started with your communication guidelines:
- How do you prefer to communicate? This is your business after all. If you hate email, maybe don’t have that be your primary point of contact. Some people are phone people. (Confession: I. am. not.) Other people prefer chat apps like Slack. You’re allowed to decide what suits you best.
- Is a paper trail important to you?
- Do your clients ever get the sometimes much-needed reminder that you’re human? JHW and my former business operate 100% virtually. Sometimes things can get a little misunderstood or heated from behind a computer screen. Maybe introduce video conferences so they can see your smiling face and remember that they like you! (And that you like them ;))
Setting yourself and your business up for success takes some strategic forethought. If you need a little (or a lot) of help, consider my Boundary Boss Coaching Program!
by Joey | Mar 1, 2018 | Creative Entrepreneur
A few years ago, I thought it would be fun to learn how to run. The training for me was all about enjoying the process, nothing else. I just wanted to see if I could do it. And once I started to get it, I couldn’t stop. I’d learned a new skill, and I couldn’t get enough. A few months into it, I noticed my body starting to change.
Huh. Duh.
An accidental byproduct of something I just wanted to do for fun.
But when we moved to Charlotte, running changed for me. In Buies Creek, I had the roads to myself. I never wondered how fast or slow I was going, all that mattered was that I was doing it. But here, I’m surrounded by other runners. Runners who run farther than me, faster than me, who have better form than me.
Anxiety started to poison the thing that once brought me peace and comfort. I became obsessed with how fast I was going. I’d strategically run the opposite direction, hoping not to come across another runner doing the same for fear of getting lapped. I’d get stuck in my head, and my runs would leave me stressed and exhausted in the worst way. And eventually, I stopped trying.
It’s easy to fall victim to comparison: in life, in fitness, in business.
Last week, I made a pact with myself to take the pressure off. To run just to run. Not because I need to lose a few pounds or tone up. Not because I ate french fries and ice cream. Not for any other reason than because it’s something that brings me joy.
And go figure, once I removed the pressure, I found myself enjoying the process.
Let this be a reminder to you to keep on keeping on at whatever pace works for you. Getting trapped in the game of comparison and pressure rarely yields productive results.
So take a deep breath. Remove the pressure. And try again.
by Joey | Jan 10, 2018 | Advice, Joyful by Design, Real Life
I like knowing what to do with my time. I’m a fan of schedules and boundaries. I love productivity and intentionally relaxing. I’m the nerd that loves a new year, a fresh start. Whether it was the beginning of a new school year, a birthday, or a traditional new year, I’d take any opportunity to cruise the notebook sections of target or Staples to seek out the perfect planner partner to tackle the new season in my life.
When things are less organized, I find that I waste a lot of time. Anyone else guilty of the mindless Instagram scroll? I’ve definitely fallen prey to the time suck that is my phone. I know my minutes are precious, but without clear goals and plans, I get trapped in an endless cycle of wasting my time. And fun fact–did you actually know that spending time absorbing information on your handheld device can actually zap your energy? No wonder we all feel totally depleted by the end of the day, productive or not.
We all want to accomplish big things. We have ideas, dreams, desires. But without action supporting those things, that’s all they’ll ever be. And I don’t know how you operate–but I need to know what action steps are required to make something happen. It can be a slow progression, but I like to be consistently working towards any certain goal. So, that’s where plans have to come into play. Setting goals is great, but without a plan, that goal is just a wish.
So, how do you live with intention, set goals and make realistic plans?
Ask yourself what you want.
As basic as this sounds, I’m willing to bet it’s been a while since some of you have taken the time to really reflect and decide what you want. Maybe you’re operating out of old, leftover desires. Or maybe someone else put expectations on you for your life that you’ve been working hard to carry out. Whatever your situation, the first step to living with intention is to know what you actually want.
Get to dreaming
If you could accomplish anything, what would that be? If you had the time, the resources, the drive, what would you do with your life? Now, write those things down. Maybe it’s a few smaller projects like to really decorate your home or run a race. Maybe it’s something bigger like launch a business or write a book. Have fun here but also be realistic. Dream the dreams you actually want to dream. Not the dreams someone else suggested for your life. Not the dream you only want to accomplish because it’ll make you a lot of money but you’re otherwise completely disinterested. Not the dream that’ll make you well-known but otherwise empty and alone.
Measure desire & drive and prioritize
Okay, now figure out how you actually feel about what it’ll take to make those dreams a reality. Because guess what, those dreams are going to take sacrifice. You’re going to have to introduce new habits, and more than likely, you’ll have to give some things up. So, how important is this dream to you? Why do you want to accomplish this specific goal? What are you willing to do to make it happen? What aren’t you willing to do? Write it out. Once you’ve done that, rank the goals in order from most important to least.
Break it down
Dreams are typically pretty broad statements. I want to become a motivational speaker. I want to host a podcast. I want to be a published author. I want to become a business owner. You get my drift. So now it’s time to figure out next steps. What exactly is it going to take to make those things happen? Research will play a key role here. Maybe reach out to others who have done the same things and pick their brains. Learn from their experiences and mistakes. But the point here is to get very specific with what you need to do. I’m talking clear, actionable steps. Want to become a business owner? Okay, decide what kind of services you’ll provide. What are you going to call your business? Research what type of entity best suits your business. Register your business name. Fill out the proper forms. Get your EIN number. I mean, I could go on and on. You get my point.
Organize & schedule
Take what needs to get done and organize them into daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly goals. Put a timeline on your accomplishments and set deadlines. This is where things start to really take shape.
Be prepared to work hard. Understand that big dreams take time. Instant gratification is nice, and we all get supercharged from that fast hit of dopamine. But imagine what it’ll feel like when you make these big goals for your life a reality. Breaking the big picture down into small, actionable steps invites the opportunity to feel instant success and progress. Just keep repeating the process! And before you know it, your dreams will turn into realities!
by Joey | Jan 2, 2018 | Joyful by Design
I was. And I know I’m not the only one. Actually, I spent a lot of my time feeling like I wasn’t worth much at all.
I searched for myself in all the wrong places. A chameleon, I mirrored others hoping that something would start to feel normal and natural eventually. I lost myself in boys who didn’t treat me nicely, hoping they’d give me purpose. I alienated friends once we started to get close, worried my cover would get blown. They’d see I was a fraud, it was all an act. It’s embarrassing to admit, but I had no idea who I was. At all.
I did things because they were expected or seemed normal. I existed. Though loud and chatty, my voice was often left unheard, discounted, dismissed. After a while, I just stopped trying. Wouldn’t you?
I didn’t feel like a person. I felt like a discounted version of a human, a knock off that people tolerated but ultimately passed over for the real thing. And I thought that was all there was.
Learn this from my mistakes: don’t let someone ever take away your voice. If they aren’t hearing you, they aren’t your people. If they make you feel like less than a person, they aren’t your people. If you feel lost, scared, empty, pointless, directionless, purposeless, let me be your people.
There’s a peaceful shift when you start to come into yourself. For some it comes easily. They’ve had encouraging words in their ears their whole lives, people in their corner. For others, they have to shed a layer of their skin, the tenderness masking their resilience.
But once you start to accept yourself, you’ll experience a cosmic shift in the universe. Start slow. Think of things that have always felt natural and real to you. For me that was always writing. I never thought writing made me special. I thought it was something everyone could and would do. It wasn’t until much more recently than I’d like to admit that I realized it was a gift. Something that was mine.
Sifting through nearly three decades of a shattered facade trying to find remnants of real wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. It turns out I knew who I was all along but for whatever reason I never felt like I was good enough to put that person on display.
I know I’m not alone in this. I grew up in an age where social interaction was reserved for mostly face to face contact–except for those awful ambush three way calls and the occasional AIM away message mass attack. Behind a computer screen is where I’ve always belonged; I’m stronger when I’m armed with words.
So find your strength in whatever makes you happy, in whatever makes you feel like you. For me that’s always been tapping out words on a keyboard.
But as long as I was waiting for the world to validate my worth, I was worthless. Validate yourself and the world will follow suit.
