by Joey | Jun 6, 2018 | Joyful by Design, Real Life
This isn’t exactly a fun subject to talk about. As an adult, when my heart hurts, I typically do my best to hide it, to stuff it down. And I’d bet it’s a safe guess to say I’m not alone here. I rocked broken hearts like a champ when I was a teenager. I had the emo thing down pat. Give me all the sappy sad love songs and a blank page and call me drama queen. Honestly, I think we all had healthier coping mechanisms back then.
It’s interesting to me the kinds of things that can hurt our hearts now as adults. There are the obvious things like traditional breakups and divorces, messy and muddled. The division of a life once united. Painful. But then there are things like the realization that your time with your parents is limited, running out. Or the painful reality of outgrowing certain friendships. Or what about just the simple passing of time; transitions into new seasons of life and having to leave pieces of your heart behind in the process.
If you ask me, it’s the adult heart breaks that really rattle us to our core–and yet, we’re all so guarded and committed to looking like we have it all together that we glaze right over it. We miss the opportunities for growth and deep connections because we’re too afraid to show that we’re human. Well, you know what? No one has it all together. And we’re all messy and broken and still figuring it out.
Over the years, I’ve done a lot of…well, we’ll call it research when it comes to mending a broken heart. And I figured hey, I might as well share what I’ve found with you.
Feel the feels.
Or, in a not-so-annoying millennialized statement; allow yourself to be sad. I think we all do a pretty good job of translating sadness into anger even when it’s not exactly warranted. And the problem with that is, recovering from anger looks a lot different than healing sadness. We run from that feeling because it’s uncomfortable. It makes us feel powerless and weak, and that just sucks. No one likes feeling that way. Anger is an active emotion whereas sadness seems to passively consume us. But in order to really heal, you have to let yourself feel it.
Talk things out with a friend, say the things you’ve been afraid to say in a safe environment. Take up journaling, no really. Like with a pen and paper; old-school style. Or talk to a professional. The things that break our adult hearts are big and heavy. And it’s perfectly okay (and often times necessary) to seek the help of a professional.
Don’t be a masochist.
Now, that might have been our standard M.O. as teenagers, but you know better as an adult. Leave well enough alone and don’t continue to torture yourself. Social media makes it so easy to continue to immerse yourself in a world that is no longer yours. And man oh man can that hurt. Don’t keep tabs on the things that hurt you if it continues to hurt you. You deserve more than to allow your heart to get continually broken day after day. It takes commitment to quit something. But do yourself that favor and move on.
Focus on what makes you happy.
It’s true what that say: what you focus on increases. So once you feel ready to move on, focus on the positive future instead of the painful past. We create our realities with our thoughts and emotions. And if we keep tellings ourselves that we’re miserable, well, we’re going to be miserable. Take what you can from the experience, learn from it, and move on to more positive things. Maybe take up a new hobby or connect with new people. Give yourself permission to finally join that fitness class you’ve deemed too expensive or let yourself indulge in a wine by design night.
You have the right to get creative here. And nothing is too big or too small. Take some time and actually write some things out. Even just going through that exercise alone can help you shift your thinking.
Take it from me; stuffing and dwelling is unproductive and unhealthy. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to take the time you need to mend your broken heart. Endings really can be beautiful beginnings if you let them be.
What do you do to help yourself heal when your heart is hurting?
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by Joey | Jun 5, 2018 | Devotional Series
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6
The other night, I was chatting with a friend who finally accepted a position after a long search for the next step in her career. Excitement buzzed through the phone waves as we gleefully celebrated.
I’m just so happy for you. I know this process has been…well, laborious. I said.
You know, she replied, I just chalk it up to a God thing. After all the other interviews for all the jobs that didn’t pan out, something always just didn’t feel right. I would be concerned about one thing or another. But this one, it just felt like the right fit all around. And it’s just good to know that when I’d be crying after once again not receiving the job I’d hoped for that God was over there like ‘Just you wait, I’ve got the perfect thing on its way to you.'”
Having big faith and trust in God is down right near impossible sometimes. But I’ve found it’s most difficult in the season of waiting and intense hope. We’re in a season of waiting at the moment. And when my friend asked how things were going, I answered candidly.
I know it’s coming, the upswing. It always does. I’ve seen God show up time and time again in his perfect timing that it’s just comforting to know none of this is really in my hands at all. He’s never let us down before, so why waste the energy worrying?
The truth is, nothing is really up to us. And while that can be a terrifying thought for someone without faith, it can also serve as the ultimate relief. I look back over our lives, to every other rock bottom, and I can see God show up in ways I couldn’t have planned for.
When we were first married, Jonathan was finishing his master’s degree at UGA. The last requirement for his graduation was an internship. After several rounds of interviews, we packed the car and traveled the 10 hours south to Tampa for one last round. We spent our days touring apartments, picking our next home. I visualized living just down the road from my sister and her three kids. I could see our lives there, clear as day.
When we returned, we put in our notice at our apartment in Athens, and then we waited for the call. T-10 days til moving day, the call came, and it wasn’t a good one. Left to scramble at the last minute, Jonathan ended up in contact with a school down in Charlotte. Now, I’ll be sure to tell you all one day about how, just six months earlier–totally unaware of the whole internship drama, we’d decided to put all our energy into somehow moving to Charlotte in the future. Neither of us had spent much time here (at all). But for some reason, we could both feel the tug on our hearts that said hey, Charlotte will be your home some day. But for now, when the internship opportunity popped up in Tampa, we both forgot all about it–deciding to go wherever the wind blew us.
Well, that school Jonathan found in Charlotte offered him an immediate opportunity. That job is the reason we moved to Charlotte. That job is the reason he ended up coaching at Campbell for two years. That job is the reason we had the best health insurance we’ve ever had when I was so terribly sick back in 2013. That job brought us home, twice.
We couldn’t see that job coming. We were so busy white knuckling the Tampa opportunity that we didn’t even have time to worry about anything else. And I truly believe that God sends us those decoys in our seasons of waiting on purpose–something to distract us, to put all our energy into, to keep us occupied while The Big Blessing is on its way to us.
I feel like seasons of waiting are all too common in our adult years. Waiting to find the right house. Waiting for the next career move. Waiting on the next payday. Waiting for those two pink lines. And as adults, we crave control. We’ve figured out the formula in life, too wise for our own good, we set plans into motion to force those things along. We exhaust ourselves trying to push our square peg into the unknown round hole, desperate to make something work.
But the greatest relief comes from knowing that God has a plan for us. And he’s known it all along. Every step, every misfire, every disappointment leads us right onto the path he’s intended for our lives. And while we so desperately crave control, often times we just end up prolonging the process. God is already working on that thing you’re worrying about. You just have to take your hands off the wheel.
The lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.
2 Peter 3:9
by Joey | Jun 4, 2018 | Creative Entrepreneur
**This post contains some affiliate links.
Alright, I’ll just admit it. I’m obsessed with productivity. That’s probably not healthy, but you know, I gotta keep things real. I recently took the Enneagram test and found out that I am a number one: reformer. And if you think I was being a tad dramatic when I said I’m obsessed with productivity, I’ll just leave this here for you to ponder:
Ones are people of practical action—they wish to be useful in the best sense of the word. On some level of consciousness, they feel that they “have a mission” to fulfill in life, if only to try their best to reduce the disorder they see in their environment.
For me: productive = useful
I realize a therapist could probably have a field day with this. But whatever. I am who I am. That all being said, I believe it’s my sense of “mission” and drive for productivity that makes me the kind of person who does well 1) working for themselves and 2) working from home. I rarely lean into the desire to be lazy. But that doesn’t mean I’m not ever struck down with a lack of motivation. In fact, I can feel often feel unmotivated if I allow myself to be consumed with the overwhelming doubt that can sometimes plague my thoughts. But as they say, even in those moments, the show must go on. So, with that in mind, I thought I’d share a few products & apps that help me be productive. If you’re interested in the habits, routines, and rituals I rely on for productivity, you can find those here.
Wunderlist & Asana
Okay, I considered sharing these independently, but truth be told they both kind of serve the same purpose just slightly differently. I tend to use Wunderlist more for my daily todo lists. But I use Asana more for a full project timeline and breakdown. For instance:
Asana
I use Asana to plan out my big projects, whether that’s an e-course offering like Blogging for Your Business, a self-guided program like Boundary Boss, or my next book (coming this fall!). This allows for me to break things down and focus in on individual steps that’ll bring the big project to life.
I also use Asana to manage client projects and communication. Fun fact: I operate 95% of my client-serving business through Asana in an attempt to eliminate unnecessary email.
Wunderlist
I use Wunderlist more for the day-to-day. While Asana can definitely behave as a daily task manager, I’ve just used Wunderlist for years and find it more convenient. It also helps that I keep track of my household chores and personal life tasks with the app as well, so I can get an overarching view of what needs to get done in a day across the board.
Notebooks
It’ll come as no surprise to you that I rely on notebooks. I believe in the power of writing things down in your own handwriting. (Did you know that writing something down in your own handwriting actually helps you remember it better? It’s a proven fact.) While I could type something out much quicker, I find that when it comes to creative planning, I benefit from the forced slow down. It allows for my brain to fully digest the thoughts before quickly moving on. What kind of notebooks do I keep? Well, there are a lot–so let’s go…
They each serve very different purposes. And while I know some people would argue that you should keep things in one easy-to-find place, I do actually have a system when it comes to those kinds of things. But I’m a dreamer and a planner, so my notebooks need backup. I’ll share how I use each of these–especially my digital notebooks like Goodnotes on the Ipad Pro & Evernote (which could be a whole series on its on really) in a future blog post.
Timer
Whether it’s a household chore or a client task, sometimes I need a little motivation to get my butt in gear. I’ve found over the years that a lot of times it’s all about just getting started. So what I’ll do (and I’ve done this for years), is tell myself that for the next 15 minutes, I’m going to focus on xyz. I set this old-school timer I bought from Anthropologie back in 2009 after I saw Nancy Ray using it, (Fun fact: it’s the only thing I’ve ever bought from Anthro…) and without fail, I either complete the task in the time I’ve allotted, or I’m in such a groove once the timer goes off that I don’t feel like stopping.
This little ninja is definitely definitely not a necessity. But for someone who wakes up in the 5 AM hour and would often find herself in a Starbucks trying to crank out the rest of her workday at 3 PM, it’s a Godsend. A regular, good old-fashioned coffee pot would do the job just fine, too. But without fail, by 3 PM, I need a little jumpstart. And let me tell you–I can make an at-home peppermint mocha latte that puts Starbucks to shame! Want a quick money saving tip? (Even though the machine alone will save you ~$4 per latte.) The pods can be expensive. This machine was one of my Christmas presents from Jonathan this past year. And with it, he also stuffed my stocking with this reusable capsule kit. We bought a bag of espresso for $15 from a local coffee shop in January–and I still haven’t had to repurchase anything yet.
Do you guys want a full on review of this thing? Just a heads up, It’s currently on sale for $129 with prime shipping, and I promise you, it’s the best money we’ve spent.
Essential OIls
I bought a cheap pack of essential oils when Kim and I made our DIY Bath Bombs. I’d been seeing the internet get all excited about all things essential oil–but I just wasn’t buying it. Well, after that fun little project, I decided to buy a cheap little diffuser and see what the fuss was all about. Turns out, I freaking love essential oils. I’ve since upgraded from the cheapo oils to Young Living (trust, it’s worth the fuss), but I’m a stickler for using things up, so for the sake of transparency, I’ll be using my crappy little oils until they run out.
My Favorite Power Focus Blends
- Orange + Peppermint
- Orange + Citrus Fresh
After 2 years (!!!!) of working from home and for myself full-time, I’ve definitely learned that the only constant is that things are forever changing and evolving. But for now, these things are what help me take charge of my day and knock out all the things!
Tell me, what are some things that help you have a productive day?
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by Joey | May 24, 2018 | Creative Entrepreneur, How I Work Series
Hi there, my name is Kseniya Martin, and I’m a digital marketing consultant. I help businesses and individuals reach and exceed their goals, such as better brand awareness and higher sales, using social media. I’m also a wife, a mother, a foodie, and a lifestyle blogger over at Birch Collective.
I started consulting full time in 2014 after leaving the corporate and startup world. I spent too many years dreaming about and fighting to do what I love to do, which is using digital marketing strategies to help organizations and individuals reach and exceed their goals. After seeing someone I admire quit his high paying job to become a business growth coach, and facing a layoff of my own, I knew it was time to take the leap I’ve dreamt of taking for years. Life is too short to be miserable, get out there and do the damn things.
How I Work
There’s no such thing as a typical workday. I work from my home office with a three-year-old daughter (who proudly wears her VP of Distractions title) so my days and weeks are planned according to her school, activities, and nap schedules. Throw in networking events, volunteer commitments, social life, keeping the house from burning down and feeding the family and, well, I’ve got a full plate.
Owning my own business, managing clients, and embracing motherhood has taught me to be flexible, nimble, and ready to pivot at a moment’s notice. This is why planning for the week ahead is so important.
On Sunday evenings I sit down to make a list of everything that needs to be done for the week and then prioritize and set deadlines for each task. I check my Google Calendar for any upcoming appointments and events and then I lay out my week in my Day Designer daily planner. I use a paper planner for top level daily tasks, Google Calendar for anything that requires me to interact with other people and be somewhere on time (appointments, networking events, meetings, calls, workouts, etc.), and notebooks and digital checklists for each client for more granular tasks.
Planning and preparing for the days and weeks ahead is what keeps me on track, no matter what life throws my way, and allows me to accomplish everything that is important.
I’ve recently started treating my own business, personal brand, and lifestyle blog as “clients” because it’s really easy to let my needs to slide to the wayside when taking care of everyone else. Don’t forget to take care of what’s important to you.
My work days include a lot of small- and mid-sized tasks that lead to big results. Each day includes a mixture of the following for the clients that I work with:
- Creating and managing short-, mid-, and long-term digital and social media strategy
- Creating and managing content and editorial calendars
- Creating brand driven written and visual content and scheduling it out on various social media platforms
- Curating content
- Auditing, assessing, measuring, and testing marketing campaigns and their performance
- Building lists, creating templates, writing copy, and designing graphics for e-mail newsletters
- Engaging with followers, current and potential customers, and influencers on social media
- Utilizing social selling techniques to nurture current and potential clients
- Generating leads to fill sales pipelines
- Reaching out to other business owners to create partnerships and create new profit generating opportunities
- Running contests and giveaways
- Consulting clients on best practices, business opportunities, promotion ideas, and provide business coaching and training on various social media platforms
My clients are diverse and range from small businesses to global B2B companies to franchises to non-profits. My requirement for a client is that they have to give a damn about their business, brand, or product. Passion is contagious.
Habits & Routines
I wish I could tell you that I’m a morning person who wakes up at 5:00 am to read, work out, meditate, and get a head start on the work day but that would be a lie. I’m a night owl and do my best work when everyone else is asleep. It’s also quiet and nobody is asking me to open a bag of Goldfish for them.
I am able to accomplish as much as I do in a day because of my amazing husband, who is my biggest cheerleader and handles more than his fair share of housework and child-rearing duties. His absence is greatly felt when he travels and my workload is adjusted accordingly.
📸 JJ Horton Photography
School day mornings go a little bit like this:
- Husband wakes up the toddler and takes her through her morning routine (brushing her teeth, eating breakfast, etc.).
- I begrudgingly roll out of bed after hitting snooze too many times and check my phone. I make sure all of the client posts that were scheduled for that morning went live, check my e-mail, and respond to any urgent matters.
- I pick out an outfit for our daughter, prepare her lunch, and get my first pot of coffee going.
- By 8:30am I am at my desk tackling my inbox and checking off the most urgent items on my to-do list.
- At 10:00am I leave the house to go to yoga. I have a fifteen-minute commute to the gym so I take the opportunity to listen to a podcast, which varies by mood or educational needs. Current favorites include The Dais Podcast by Rachel Hollis and How I Built This).
- After yoga I run quick errands (grocery shopping, checking out a new restaurant for my blog, post office, etc.) before picking up our daughter from school.
Non-school day mornings are a time for play, errands, and adventures.
Naptime is non-negotiable.
Once our toddler is in bed for her afternoon nap, my workday continues. Afternoons is when I have my biggest uninterrupted pocket of time to handle things that require the most brain power.
I take a break around 5pm to play with our daughter after she wakes up, cook dinner, hang out with the family, and relax until about 8pm.
I’m back at work once our daughter is in bed. This is the second pocket of time when I can crush my to-do list. I try not to work past 11:00pm so that I can shower and be in bed in time to watch my favorite late night talk show.
Life Balance
For me it’s not so much about balance but more so about blending. Managing social media for myself and others is a 24/7 job. Days off do not exist and you do whatever it takes to get things done. The reason I am bullish on planning out my week is so that I can be prepared to a) work from anywhere and b) in any situation or time constraint that may get thrown my way.
Arrived early to pick my kid from school? That’s a few minutes to engage with followers or to send a note to another business about a potential partnership.
Kid skips her nap? Concentrate on 5-15 minute tasks and complete as many as possible.
Need a mental break from a project? Check my Twitter feed or start a load of laundry.
I’ve learned a few hard lessons over the past four years from dealing with bad clients, burning out, dealing with anxiety, and so on. I’ve learned the hard way not to bite off more than I can chew. I’ve learned when to scale up and when to scale down. I’ve learned to charge my worth so that I can spend more time with my husband and daughter and family and friends instead of worrying about taking on more work when there’s so little time left in my day. I’ve learned that it’s important to take care of myself. I’ve learned that sometimes the most productive thing I can do is take a 30-minute nap instead of drinking yet another cup of coffee.
Starting a business and having a kid has forced me to finetune my focus, learn to better prioritize my time, and not to put up with other people’s BS. Ain’t nobody has time for that.
I am grateful to get to do what I love to do, working from home, and building a life that I can be proud of. I am grateful to have amazing clients and support system (family and friends) that make every day a good day and bad days better. And I am grateful to show my daughter that she can be and do anything that she wants so long as she believes in it and works hard to achieve it.
Professional links (social media tips, industry news, etc.)
Lifestyle/Personal (food, kid, out and about, travel, etc.)
Thank you, Kseniya for taking the time to hang out with us today! You are for sure an inspiration to bad ass mama entrepreneurs! Be sure to go show Kseniya some love! Oh, and if you follow her on Instagram, prepare to get hungry. She takes the best food pics!
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by Joey | May 22, 2018 | Devotional Series
I look for God everywhere, in everything. I can find Him in most things. Some might argue I see what I want to, and you know what? I’m okay with that. Because I’d rather see him and believe and be wrong. Because who does that hurt?
I believe he sends us little signs that he hears us. That he’s working on the things we’re so desperate for. I think he sends people when we need them. He makes sure we hear a certain song on the radio, read a certain article, stumble across a specific quote. I find God in the details of my daily life. I see him when I need him. I find him when things are good, smiling down. I trust these things because I have to. Faith isn’t easy. It’s believing with certainty something you cannot see. But I see him. And I’m sure you do, too. You just have to be looking.
I honestly don’t think there’s a true separation between the Christian world and the secular world. Or at least, I don’t believe that there’s supposed to be a separation. I think it’s okay to find God in the Top 40. I think it’s special to find God in the monotony of the day. A friend told me the other day “You always have the best God stories.” And I swear it’s just because I’m always looking for him, in everything.
I can string together a series of events and find the way God showed up. I think that’s the magic of faith. Life is tough and downright miserable at times. But I find comfort in looking back and seeing exactly where God appeared.
Today is my 8th anniversary with my husband. Eight years. In those eight years, we’ve moved six times. We’ve lost three jobs. And for the first two years of our marriage, at any given time, one of us was unemployed. We’ve lost pets. We’ve lost parents. We’ve fought over trash cans and we’ve lost friends. It’s been anything anything but rosy. But I can find God in our marriage. In every step. In every move, in every job loss, in every fight. We’ve grown, we’ve changed, and all the while we’ve thanked God for this incredible gift.
People search their entire lives for a love that’s real. A love that’s true. And I think Tim Keller said it best;
“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”
Everything is hard. But nothing was as hard for me as feeling loved was back in the fall of 2003. But then a boy in a white Chevy truck pulled into the MHS parking lot to check on me. I never knew God’s company truck was a Chevy, but now I do.
Happy Anniversary, Bunny.
