This isn’t exactly a fun subject to talk about. As an adult, when my heart hurts, I typically do my best to hide it, to stuff it down. And I’d bet it’s a safe guess to say I’m not alone here. I rocked broken hearts like a champ when I was a teenager. I had the emo thing down pat. Give me all the sappy sad love songs and a blank page and call me drama queen. Honestly, I think we all had healthier coping mechanisms back then.
It’s interesting to me the kinds of things that can hurt our hearts now as adults. There are the obvious things like traditional breakups and divorces, messy and muddled. The division of a life once united. Painful. But then there are things like the realization that your time with your parents is limited, running out. Or the painful reality of outgrowing certain friendships. Or what about just the simple passing of time; transitions into new seasons of life and having to leave pieces of your heart behind in the process.
If you ask me, it’s the adult heart breaks that really rattle us to our core–and yet, we’re all so guarded and committed to looking like we have it all together that we glaze right over it. We miss the opportunities for growth and deep connections because we’re too afraid to show that we’re human. Well, you know what? No one has it all together. And we’re all messy and broken and still figuring it out.
Over the years, I’ve done a lot of…well, we’ll call it research when it comes to mending a broken heart. And I figured hey, I might as well share what I’ve found with you.
Feel the feels.
Or, in a not-so-annoying millennialized statement; allow yourself to be sad. I think we all do a pretty good job of translating sadness into anger even when it’s not exactly warranted. And the problem with that is, recovering from anger looks a lot different than healing sadness. We run from that feeling because it’s uncomfortable. It makes us feel powerless and weak, and that just sucks. No one likes feeling that way. Anger is an active emotion whereas sadness seems to passively consume us. But in order to really heal, you have to let yourself feel it.
Talk things out with a friend, say the things you’ve been afraid to say in a safe environment. Take up journaling, no really. Like with a pen and paper; old-school style. Or talk to a professional. The things that break our adult hearts are big and heavy. And it’s perfectly okay (and often times necessary) to seek the help of a professional.
Don’t be a masochist.
Now, that might have been our standard M.O. as teenagers, but you know better as an adult. Leave well enough alone and don’t continue to torture yourself. Social media makes it so easy to continue to immerse yourself in a world that is no longer yours. And man oh man can that hurt. Don’t keep tabs on the things that hurt you if it continues to hurt you. You deserve more than to allow your heart to get continually broken day after day. It takes commitment to quit something. But do yourself that favor and move on.
Focus on what makes you happy.
It’s true what that say: what you focus on increases. So once you feel ready to move on, focus on the positive future instead of the painful past. We create our realities with our thoughts and emotions. And if we keep tellings ourselves that we’re miserable, well, we’re going to be miserable. Take what you can from the experience, learn from it, and move on to more positive things. Maybe take up a new hobby or connect with new people. Give yourself permission to finally join that fitness class you’ve deemed too expensive or let yourself indulge in a wine by design night.
You have the right to get creative here. And nothing is too big or too small. Take some time and actually write some things out. Even just going through that exercise alone can help you shift your thinking.
Take it from me; stuffing and dwelling is unproductive and unhealthy. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to take the time you need to mend your broken heart. Endings really can be beautiful beginnings if you let them be.
What do you do to help yourself heal when your heart is hurting?
love this post girl – i definitely try to focus on the good things, the things that make me happy, when i am feeling down. it really does work. after i’ve had a good wallow, of course lol