by Joey | Sep 1, 2015 | Throwback
In a conversation with a friend yesterday, I mentioned that 2015 seems to be all about learning the truth about people and respecting myself enough to walk away.
That seems to be a common theme for me the last few years, self respect. It should be a given, really. But it’s something I’ve always struggled with. I’m a yes girl. A people pleaser. I let myself get sucked dry until I have nothing left for myself.
I’ve let people talk down to me. I’ve let people disrespect me. I’ve rolled over to let whatever may be, be. People have underestimated my intelligence, leaving me stung standing in the wake. All of this happens enough times that you just start to believe it. you aren’t worth anything. Those thoughts are hard to push away.
But lately, I’ve realized I harbor a resentment. And while that may not be the best thing, I’m actually a little happy to find that it’s there. It’s the first step in acknowledging that it’s not right. It’s the emotion behind making a change. Taking a stand. Doing what’s right for me.
I’ve learned a lot about myself in the years since graduating college, the most startling among them is that I’d been living as a muted version of myself in the light of other people.
I let harsh judgements and opinions alter who I am. I let myself be controlled, stifled. I’ve been reminded time and time again that who I am and what I do isn’t enough. I’m not successful enough. I’m not realistic enough. The dreams I have are foolish, silly, selfish. Everything is driven by money and wealth. And if you don’t have that, then you are nothing.
But I’ve broken free of those chains. I’m proud of the life we have. I’m proud of the person I am. I’m driven, motivated, creative, passionate, and most importantly kind and understanding. While those qualities might not add up to your definition of success, I’d rather have this life.
It doesn’t have to be enough for you. The wonderful thing about life is that we all get to do it our own way. How I define success (a happy marriage, friends who are more like family, and my days spent doing what makes me happy) doesn’t have to be how you define success.
In the year of learning the truth about people, I’ve learned the truth about myself. The truth about happiness. The truth about respect. The freedom of saying no. The importance of boundaries.
We’re allowed to want what we want. We’re free to make the choices that are right for us. We can take risks, knowing the chance of failure. We don’t have to fit our light into anyone else’s box.
Be yourself loudly.
Break out of whatever box is walling you in.
It’s easier to breathe out here.
by Joey | Aug 31, 2015 | Throwback
I walked into the apartment yesterday after a particularly eventful and complicated 24 hour trip to Raleigh to find that my husband made me a pot of coffee.
“Well, you said you hadn’t had any yet.”
A simple, otherwise insignificant gesture that defines my marriage.
by Joey | Aug 27, 2015 | Throwback
I took this picture the other morning thinking I would instagram it with some pitiful caption like I’m too busy to be this sick but then I got too busy and forgot. Figures.
For the second night in a row, I’m in bed before 9PM. I’m not even sorry. I’m just completely wiped. The week has been a good one, but it would have been better if I didn’t feel completely miserable. I told myself if I ended up with a fever I’d give myself a day in bed. No fever so the hustle continues. The good news is the week is nearly over.
I have a lot of exciting things coming up in the next few days (likely early next week) so be sure to keep an eye on this space!
Okay friends. Now it’s your turn.
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by Joey | Aug 22, 2015 | Throwback
It’s been a tough year, friends. I haven’t made that a secret at all. While the going ons might not have been disclosed, you’ve been fully aware of this rollercoaster we’ve been on since December.
This morning I’m sitting on my couch, an abundance of natural light seeping in through the many, many windows, sipping coffee from the club house because I ran out of creamer, and I can’t help but have a full heart.
Today, we’re off to SC to visit our “family.” Most people get one good family in this life, maybe two if you married into an open hearted one, but not many get to experience the warmth of being absorbed into a family that was never meant to be your own.
Nearly ten years ago, I applied for a job that I was desperate for. Once again, I found myself in the throws of a mess when a bubbly, curly haired brunette, whom I’d only met once, fought for my chance at the position. It was a simple, meaningless encounter, really. I was just a girl with a resume. She was just an employee.
But we both knew in that moment that we were on the brink of something important. Something amazing. It wasn’t just a job at a rug store. It was a defining moment in our lives. An introduction to the person who’d be on the other end of almost every break-down phone call. The receiving end of every excited tale. The person who becomes your person. An adoption into a family you otherwise would have never known.
I think back on the last near decade and can’t believe there could have been a missed opportunity here. If things had turned out any differently with that job, my husband and I would be missing an entire extension of our family.
Family is important, everyone knows that. But there’s something uniquely special about a family who chooses you. You aren’t their’s. You aren’t their problem. You aren’t their responsibility. And yet they claim you anyways, taking on the good, bad and ugly with you, standing in your corner when it would be easier to run.
There’s no Hallmark holiday for people like this. So consider today the day. The Mother’s Day to all the mothers who didn’t have to be. A Father’s Day to all the dads who adopted their daughter’s best friends. The day to celebrate a brother getting the opportunity to bug another big sister. Is there a word for this kind of family? The ones who collect you along the way, claiming you? I’m not sure there is.
But regardless, today, my heart is full.
by Joey | Aug 20, 2015 | Throwback
It’s my last week of summer hours. I’m going to miss having the kids around all the time, but I am very eager to have my designated hours back. Because I don’t normally go in until 11:30, my mornings are dedicated to blog and writing work. I’ve been attempting to get it all done throughout the days, but I’ve felt less than on top of things the last two months. So cheers to the return of normalcy and routines!
Tuesday was a crazy busy day. I’d just walked in the door from work at 7PM with groceries to make dinner when my neighbor texted asking to go for a run together. I have to admit, I was proud of myself for immediately saying yes. It wasn’t part of my “schedule” for the evening. And I had a ton to get done (including scrubbing the shower–why is that even a thing?) but it was such a quick, lovely run. And I felt so much better after! Love that we live in the kind of place where friends can just meet up for a quick run together without it having to be a whole big thing!
With my hours going back to normal next week, I’m on the hunt for some good audiobooks. My first few hours of each day are kid-free work, so I’d like to start listening to books instead of music. Any suggestions? I prefer audiobooks in first person.
Since J and I went to the show on Saturday for our Anniversary, Wednesday just kind of snuck up on us. J had to be in to work at 4AM (I know, I know) so he darted off well before I was awake. Halfway through the day I texted him to see if he wanted to go on a quick dinner date. I love his response!
I’m ready for the weekend! J and I are traveling down to SC on Saturday and I can’t wait to see my bestie and her family!
Happy Thursday, AKA my last day of summer hours, friends!!
Now it’s your turn!
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