BLM. It matters. You matter.

I picked a bad week to quit social media. If you’ve been around here for a while then you know I never really fell in love with social media the way I did with blogging. And I felt pressured to transition into that world as the platforms progressed and blogging, as they say, slowly died. So I found myself there, wandering amidst the crowds feeling totally out of place. I couldn’t ever find my own voice there. I’m not the kind of person to stay quiet in the room, but there? I did. Because I just never felt like I had a place. My words would float just out of earshot, never really landing. Not the way they did here.

So on the 31st of May, I decided to just walk away. I didn’t make some big announcement. I didn’t post saying I was leaving or when I’d be back. I just removed all the apps from my phone. I logged out from everything on my computer and I just…walked away. And then the internet exploded. I missed Blackout Tuesday because I was, sadly, unaware that it was happening because I made a conscious choice to step away from social media. That was a mistake.

Let me make something clear. Black lives matter. It matters. YOU matter. What happened to George Floyd is disgraceful, and that’s just one caught on camera. This brutality has been going on for entirely too long. It disgusts me that here we are in 2020 still fighting the same tired fight. The fact that we even have to have this conversation is incredibly disappointing to me. I don’t know how the value of a human life can even be up for debate.

I do, however, appreciate the conversations that are currently happening. As a white woman, I was born into incredible privilege. I’ve never had to worry if my life was in danger while I’m out in public. Police sirens make me feel safe and protected. And that, right there is a privilege. I have friends of every variety. But as a white woman, I was also taught not to see color. And while the sentiment might have been well-intended, I believe  this is where there is a gross disconnect, at least for me.

By not “seeing color,” I did my best to ignore it. To treat everyone the same. But the truth is, we are different. Our backgrounds are different. Our traditions and families are different. I never once hesitated to ask my Pakistani born Muslim bff about her heritage and religion and experiences. I wanted to know all of it. When I visited her family years ago, I got to experience just a small taste of her world and I loved every second of it.

So why have I always done my best to pretend like I don’t notice when someone is black? To not ask questions or have more meaningful, deeper conversations? Because I didn’t want to risk coming across ignorant or rude.

But I am ignorant. I’m incredibly ignorant to the culture and traditions and experiences because I haven’t asked. I haven’t engaged in those conversations for fear of seeming rude. But before I quit social media, I saw a tweet that just so perfectly summed up where I’ve failed in my life up til now. Carlos Rodriguez tweeted:

“I see no color is not the goal.
I see your color and I honor you. I value your input. I will be educated about your lived experiences. I will work against the racism that harms you. You are beautiful. Tell me how to do better. That’s the goal.”

I see your color. I want to know your story. I want to learn about you in every way possible. And I will stand firmly in your corner. You matter.

I thought I was doing the right thing, not seeing color. But it is in that way that I have failed you the most. I will do better. I will be better.

It should go without saying that black lives matter. It should go without saying that human lives have value. It should go without saying that what happened to George Floyd and all the others who have been grossly mistreated, beaten, murdered is disgusting. But sadly, it doesn’t. I will continue to do my part to help get us to a place where those things can go without saying.

EDITING TO ADD:

• CM Library built an anti-racism reading list open to all. No holds, no waits. Access the list HERE.