There’s a meme that floats around every summer that makes me laugh out loud every time I see it. You see, down here in North Carolina, we basically roast every summer. It’s not unusual to have several days, if not weeks, where our temps hang out somewhere in the 105 range. Partner that with the suffocating humidity and well, it’s pretty much unbearable. And inevitably, the popular meme starts to circulate. You know the one; it says: check in on your fat friends in this heat, y’all. We are not okay.
It’s funny to me because the reality is, no one is okay in that heat. The relatability hits us all where it hurts; fat or not. And lately, that popular meme is seeing all kinds of variations, most notably the one that says to check in on your extroverted friends in this quarantine, y’all. We are not okay. I am not an extrovert. I know that probably comes as a surprise to anyone who has ever met me in real life because, well, I’m one chatty SOB. But the reality is, I need alone time to recharge. I need quiet and solitude.
So while the extroverts might be struggling in this time of self-isolation, I think it’s probably fair to say that everyone is struggling in some way or another. As an introvert sheltering-in-place in a pretty open floor planned house with two other adults and three animals (which you all know how needy and chatty and dramatic my two pets are), well…it’s not always a walk in the park for my mental health or creativity.
Check in on yourself, y’all. You might not be doing okay.
I tweeted a week or so ago that my friend Kseniya texted asking if I was doing okay. It was a simple question. A common variation of the standard “how are you” question. But for some reason, the combination of her wording with my understanding of the weight behind her question, it hit differently. It made me stop and do a quick audit to give an honest answer. And in that moment, in the grand scheme of life, and in painful comparison to the entirety of our 2019, my honest answer was yes.
But in reality, that answer can vary moment by moment, especially in the midst of the current uncertainty. Our daily lives look very different, y’all. We are not experiencing any sense of normalcy. Things feel heavy and scary, and there doesn’t really seem to be any kind of comforting end in sight for the foreseeable future. It’s okay to not be okay right now. It’s also okay to experience moments of peace and joy in the midst of the chaos.
But in order to truly take care of yourself, you need to check in on yourself.
The other day, I didn’t really feel well. Not in the corona-sickness kind of way. Just in the way that overall, I didn’t feel good. My head hurt, I felt tense and my body kind of hurt. Regardless, I powered through because the day was busy. Work had a lot going on, I had a drive up grocery order to pick up–food needed to get made and shit had to get done. You blink and the day is over, right?
Well, I had a little bit of time to just kind of chill out after my shower before going to bed. And it was while I was on the couch reading that I realized that my body was hurting because my anxiety was rearing its ugly head which causes me not to take full, deep breaths throughout the day. I realize it sounds insane to say that I can go entire days with high anxiety and not even really detect it. And it might be sad to say that well, I’m just that used to it. And this might not be news to you (though I’m kind of embarrassed to admit that it was pretty revolutionary to me about a year and a half ago) but your body, your nervous system depends on getting oh, I don’t know, like the proper amount of oxygen in order to function properly.
I know. I was pretty floored when I found that out, too. I used to see and hear the advice to just stop and take a deep breath all the time but never paid it any real attention because uhm, duh. Breathing. Got it. We’re good. Except y’all, sometimes we’re not good. It turns out I pretty much suck at breathing.
I learned this about myself when I started going to yoga regularly. I also learned the value of taking long, deep breaths in that time, too. I could literally feel the stress and tension melting from my body with every inhale…exhale…
So ask yourself: are you okay?
Run a little audit. How are you feeling? Both physically and mentally? Do your shoulders feel tight? How’s your head? Is your heart racing or are you having trouble taking a long, deep breath (in a normal way, not in a oh no is it corona kind of way)? Listen to yourself the same way you’d listen to a friend. You don’t really need me to tell you this–but maybe you do. Maybe you just need to be given the permission to pay yourself a little bit of attention. I forget sometimes. I give and give and give throughout the day that the last person to get my attention is myself. And I’m willing to bet it’s a lot the same for you.
So like I mentioned earlier, I just wasn’t feeling like myself a few days ago. I’m sure it was a normal blend of stress and exhaustion mixed with my introverted-heart not having a proper recharge. But regardless, I just wasn’t feelng my best. Now, it just so happened that my dog was gifted a bone from the neighbor that prompted that god awful licking sound (Please tell me I’m not the only person who finds that sound totally repulsive). So while I was there on the couch trying to read, the dog lick lick licking in the background, I was pushed over the edge.
In an attempt to drown it out, I grabbed my headphones and threw on an app called Coffitivity while I read. I’m one of those people that can’t have music or the TV on and focus. So something like Coffitivity, which just provides white noise like the hustle and bustle sounds of a coffee shop, is ideal for me when working. But what I didn’t expect was the second I plugged my headphones into my ears, the white noise drowning out the world around me, I started to relax. Really relax.
All of a sudden, it was just me and my book. It didn’t matter that I was sitting on the couch with my husband who was watching some shoot ’em up movie, or that the dog was licking her way to the center of a bone or that the cat was incessantly screaming for literally no reason. I was finally, mentally alone. It was something so simple and yet, it made such a difference. I’d finally found an escape, a way to be alone amidst the chaos.
What are some of the creative ways you help yourself feel better in the midst of everything?
A few friends shared with me what they’re doing to take care of themselves during this time. Listen in to the podcast to hear from them.
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