I’ve started this blog post three different times. I know what I want to say, I think. But I just can’t figure out how to say it. So instead, we’re going to time travel back into the good old days of blogging where I just talk to you like a good friend. Sound good? Okay, good.
Some people are talkers. Some people are doers. I’m both, but only because I’m a chatty Cathy. But I don’t think there’s a single person in my life who would tell you that I’m all talk with no action. I do things. I make things happen. Or I used to, rather. I can’t sit here and tell you that 2018 was horrible. It wasn’t. But it brought its own unique batch of challenges. I had a pretty serious breakdown at the end of 2017, and that left my life pretty messy for the start of 2018. I was so focused on pushing forward and pretending I was FINE JUST FINE, I forgot to account for time to heal. I spent a lot of time this year feeling sorry for myself. I marinated in hurt feelings, disappointments, and grief. And you know what? I think that’s okay. It was necessary.
But what’s not okay is that I let that breakdown change me. It left me gun shy and creatively paralyzed. Franky? It left me scared. I was scared of another breakdown. I was scared of judgment, exhaustion, letting people down, letting myself down, wasting time, the list goes on and on. And that fear turned me into a talker.
But I heard something at church on Christmas Eve that lit a fire under my ass. I don’t know if your church does this, but we finish out the Christmas Eve service by candlelight. The ushers come around and light one wick, then we pass the flame around until every single person is holding a lit candle. That in and of itself is a pretty powerful metaphor, but then the pastor encouraged us to hold up our candles and look around. It was beautiful. Every single person was holding their candles up high, and the church was filled with sparkling light.
We each have a gift. God gave it to us specifically. He entrusted this precious gift to us, certain we’d do something important with it. And if we each did what we are supposed to do with this gift, we’d fill the world with a sparkling light.
I’m done being scared. And I hope you are, too.
I spent a lot of time talking in 2018. But this year, I’m challenging myself (and YOU!) to decide and do. We’ll make mistakes. People will judge us. We’ll probably fall on our faces a time or two. We’ll get tired and discouraged and maybe even defeated. But that’s okay. Because we’ll also learn and grow and change. We’ll inspire and encourage. We’ll shift and succeed.
I wrote a blog post back in 2016 all about mistakes and failures. I’ve been thinking about that blog post a lot lately. Strangely, I’m in a very similar position now as I was when I wrote that post. I changed my mind at the end of 2017 which resulted in some massively huge changes. I learned a lot from an experience that some would label a failure. And instead of simply backing up and changing directions, I let fear keep me in a state of inaction. No more, friends. No more.
I hope whatever it is that you’ve been holding yourself back from, you give yourself the permission you need to just decide and do it. Because I am. And hey, I’d love the company on this journey.
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