I found myself staring at a blank screen day in and day out, feeling compelled to become something that I’m not.
And the next thing I knew, I was allowing myself to feel validated by networks I knew nothing about offering me brand deals I didn’t want to write about.
I felt frantic, desperate to make a living off of something I started for fun. An enormous pressure built up until finally it suffocated me into silence.
Why do we allow ourselves to get trapped in these realities that we create for ourselves? We trick ourselves into believing that we have to do certain things, be a certain way to be worthy. I felt unworthy.
It wasn’t until I realized I didn’t have to that I started to feel free. The weight started to lift, I could breathe again. The words, little by little, came back. I let it go. I had to let it go.
I was trading in my authenticity for approval, and I’m willing to bet that a few of you may be able relate to that. How many times have you found yourself in the middle of something before you realized it wasn’t at all what you wanted? And at that point, you’d come so far that walking away felt like a failure? An embarrassment? You’d have to admit you were wrong, that you’d changed your mind. I get it. Sometimes, at that point, it feels easier to stay. It seems easier to live inside that choice to save face. You convince yourself that you’re not being inauthentic, you’re creating a new reality.
But hear me, if it doesn’t feel right, there’s something living inside that feeling whispering that it’s okay to walk away. Sometimes you have to walk away, wander into the darkness of the unknown for a little while, just to feel like you’re finding direction again.
I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad you’re willing to walk into the darkness with me. Turning my back on Hodgespodges felt scary. And I’ll admit that a good chunk of the decision felt wrong, like I was giving up on something that had only ever been good to me. But sometimes you need a new beginning, a chance to plunge forward into the direction you’ve been holding yourself back from.
So proud of you. Change is HARD. Change is also constant. 🙂
So excited you took the leap into this new space– which looks amazing by the way!
Well this new space looks fabulous!!! Excited to see where you go 🙂
I absolutely love this new website and how easy it is to navigate. I just looked up the site designer and I'm probably going to try them out myself. My site needs an update now that I'm promoting my book It's Complicated. Thanks for the inspiration.
http://Runwright.Net
good for you girl! sometimes you just gotta walk away and do what feels right. i don't feel pressured to do or write anything i am not feeling, i spent way too many years exactly how you said – in the middle of something i wanted no part of. no thanks. cheers to new things!
Change is hard! Why is that? So excited to follow along on this next step in your journey!
Change is definitely difficult. I wouldn't look at it as turning your back. It's more that you are evolving past it. You had to use it to get to where you are in life.
I have so many thoughts on authenticity vs. approval…..
Great post friend. I understand this 100% and find myself feeling this way often. "Comparison is the thief of joy"… I tell myself that over and over and over!
Love this and love your writing. I'm catching up here 😉 Your new site is beautiful friend. THIS is why I stepped away from blogging, I found myself buried in unnecessary pressure. It's freeing to realize what makes you feel "off" and make changes.
LOVE this new design! It's so easy to navigate and so professional looking and quite beautiful! I've found myself being inauthentic just because it's easier to say "yes," which is absolutely no excuse and still makes me feel embarrassed and guilty. Walking away is hard. But oh so freeing!