I’ve spent some good time lately with a new friend. And it sort of surprises me how quickly people just become part of our lives as if they’ve always been there. And tonight, on a spur of the moment walk in the gorgeous weather, I broke down. The tears came out of nowhere, and I’m not entirely sure I can pinpoint what they were about. But there she and I were, walking the light rail with our pups in tow, and I just lost it.
I’m not writing, I managed. It seemed so…silly. Such a small, insignificant detail in the midst of this new and busy life I have. But the days keep passing me by, and all I can do is stare blankly at a blinking cursor. I feel gutted and hallow, a shell without the words. You never realize how much of you something is until you’re not doing it.
The time is there, somewhere. But my brain space feels limited. And I only have myself to blame for that. Kristin gave me some good perspective in an email earlier today. You did a complete 180 in a very short amount of time! And when I stop to think about it all, it seems so crazy to me.
Everything happened so fast. So fast. We sat idle for so long, hoping and praying for answers that when they came we hit the ground running. I actually thought the other day while driving home how different everything is now than it was only a few months ago. And I questioned how I was doing it. How I just fell back into it all seemingly so easily.
But life does that to you. In the snap of a fingers, your normal can be turned on its head. And you just manage. Sometimes it’s just best not to think about the how and just do. Trust your instincts and follow your heart.
I’ll find the words eventually. It’ll take some work and some balance and maybe even a little sacrifice. But for now I’m happy just to be here in my little space, filling it with the words I’ve been failing to grasp the last few days.
I put an unfair amount of pressure on myself. And I know I’m not alone in that. We all have these ideas of what success looks like, of what having it all together looks like. And lately everything has felt a little scattered and certainly not together. I’ve felt like so many things have pieces of me that I can’t possibly be giving my all to everything. I know this isn’t true. I’m a hard worker. But when the words fall silent, it’s hard to feel like I’ve got anything together at all. Because for so long, the words were all I had.
I don’t want to use the word blocked, but that’s exactly what this is. And sometimes the best thing for a block is to do nothing at all. Remove the pressure
I can't tell you how much I love this post. I really needed this today, thank you so much for sharing this!
I am so sorry you're going through this right now lovely, I hope everything works out soon and the words find you again. I mean, you just made a crazy big change and life probably needs to settle down, find some balance, you know?
It WILL get better, friend. Glad you have someone who you're able to chat with and get some of that pressure off your chest though! I know that always helps!
I think waiting it out will be the best strategy. And sometimes I get on that "why haven't I done this or that yet?" train of thought, but I have to consider everything I've been doing for the last few years. You can't do it all I guess. I did have grand plans to start writing this year and I'll maybe do that for 10 minutes once a week but, truly, you need to be in the right mood for writing and I don't have the energy to invest in that.
I'm glad you liked my opinion on things 🙂
I'm always pushing myself to do more more more so I totally get this! But I am also trying to learn how to be still and wait and give myself more grace. It's so hard when you have a performance mindset of "I have to produce a certain amount or do certain things at a certain level to consider myself successful". Trying to learn how to rest in Him!
hugs to you. it will come!!
Sometimes a good cry is just necessary, and things usually seem much better afterwards. I'm also keen on going easy on yourself; sometimes we are our own worst enemies. I'm certain that something that's so important to you will come right back!
You have been through such a whirlwind these last few months, such major change. I agree you should remove that pressure, relax, get settled in and just enjoy your new surroundings. I think you'll eventually hit a point where you just feel refreshed and inspired, the words will hit you and you'll be spewing them like crazy 😉
Sorry girl. Once the pressure is removed, things get a lot easier. I speak from experience.
So, I think it's okay to step back and enjoy and be fully engaged in your new life because it's what you've wanted for so long. When you were in your old place, the blog and writing meant everything to you because from the way I interpret what you've written, it's really all you had. And you have so much more now, which makes me so happy for you.
You will find balance. It takes time and the words will start flowing again. But give yourself grace on that because you deserve it.
Give it time. Leave it alone for a little. Engage in what's going on now.
Hang in there girlfriend!!
Hang in there! I just met one of my dearest friends for coffee yesterday morning, and we literally had a conversation somewhat similar to this. In the end, we decided that nobody really "has it all together". They may look like it, but I'm fairly certain everybody has plenty of those "WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING?" moments.
xoxo
Kat 🙂
Girl! Your life has been such a whirlwind since you got the answers you were looking for!!!! Sometimes you just need to take a second and take a deep breath. I have no doubt that everything is going to come clear to you. You are made for great things, lady. Sending you hugs.
Hang in there!! Think of all you've already DONE ( A LOT!!), and how you've beautifully handled all of it. I'm with Nadine — you are made for amazing things — and if anything, having people who know that should put a little smile on your face. 🙂
Oh I feel ya, Joey! I broke down and cried my eyes out AT WORK on Tuesday. And seriously, I couldn't stop the tears. I'm sure my coworkers/bosses thought I was crazy because I couldn't focus on my work or in any meeting. And my eyes were bloodshot and swollen. But yeah, you're right…don't put pressure on yourself, just wait. Just pray. These changes overwhelm me too and sometimes my emotions don't know how to handle them. I'm praying that you get some peace, sweet friend. Letting those tears fall was probably good for you. I know it helps me!
Oh hun I'm so sorry. Sometimes having a good cry to get it all out is what we need. I hope the pressure subsides soon and you can breathe freely.
I agree with Tiffany, sometimes a good cry is exactly what the doctor ordered. It can be so cathartic. I have those feelings, too. 2 weeks ago was the 3 year anniversary since I last worked a nursing shift at my hospital. And I get so hard on myself about it. Just like I can't control my illness, you can't always control the situations that come your way. And awesome opportunity was presented to you and J, and you ran with it. It'll take time, but you'll get into your.
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