Hi friends!
Gather round.
Grab a mug of hot chocolate.
It’s story time with Joey.
Sunday morning, I grabbed the dog and drove the hour to Raleigh. My parents have had a lot going on lately, so I thought I’d do something nice and put up their Christmas tree. I realize some of you may be cringing–a tree up before Thanksgiving, but I had a free day and I really didn’t want my mom taking on that challenge by herself.
So on went the Nsync Holiday Pandora Station (duh), and I set off dragging all the boxes out of hiding and lugged the tree in a bag up from the basement.
It’s a good thing I was skipping my workout that day.
After overcoming the first challenge (my mom’s artificial tree, which is the same as my artificial tree was missing its feet). I rigged up the regular tree base that they’ve been using for years and went along my merry way.
Until I hit lights. I hate the lights. I think that’s a pretty universal thing, so I was armed and ready to just plow through and get it over with as quickly as possible. Keep in mind, we have the same tree. I typically use 5 maybe 6 strands of lights. My dad wanted 10. 10!
So on went the 10 strands of lights. I feel like now is a good time to tell you… they set up a village underneath their tree–so the 8 foot tree sits on top of a 2 ft table. So picture me, if you will, atop a ladder (I know, Princess Accident Prone). It was quite a challenge. But I was pleased with myself! The tree was lit and no one died!
So I sat for a moment, thinking I’d earned a break. As my mom and I sat and chatted, enjoying the glow of the tree–the whole freaking thing went out. Dammit.
I must have blown a fuse.
So I trudged down into the basement, waaaaaaay back into darkest corner and held my breath while I opened the accordion door that I was sure housed a family of spiders and searched the breaker box.
Nothing.
Dammit.
So then it was just me and dark tree. I unplugged and replugged and reworked plugs. Finally, the tree was lit. But somehow I ended up with one random female end (please tell me I’m not the only one who refers to christmas lights as female and male. You know…you have to connect the ends together? You can’t end up with lesbian lights–that works for no one). After searching the tree high and low, I decided to just leave it. Whatever. The end result was that the tree was lit. Good enough for me.
I ran into a few problems with the star. But after a little encouragement, that sucker was in place.
On to decorations. Thinking like the adult that I am–I decided to decorate the top of the tree first. My sister and my niece were coming over later in the afternoon to help decorate. So I figured at least if I had to leave–no one else would have to climb on the ladder. See what a good daughter I am?
Thinking even more responsibly, I selected the most precious read: most breakable ornaments. With kids and cats, best to keep those up high where no one else can reach them.
I tell you all of this for one reason.
Dramatic effect, people.
You need to know all I went through with the damn tree.
It’s important. I promise.
So there I was, placing precious ornament after precious ornament, when I took a step back to admire my work thus far.
Well.
You see.
The tree was just a little bit crooked.
That just wouldn’t do.
So I adjusted it.
This picture is blurry because the tree was falling.
That’s my aunt, jumping into action to catch the tree.
The one in the blue?
Yeah.
That’s me.
When my mom was done snapping photos (I love that her initial reaction was to grab her phone instead of jumping in to help us), she joined us.
I did my best to right it. My aunt was losing her grip. My mom sat next to me, panicking that the base of the tree was going to fall off the little table.
We just need to scooch this over a little bit, she said.
Those are the words that did us in.
It’s going down.
I’m yelling timber.
In case you’re wondering how this saga ends…
Off with the star.
Off with the ornaments (which surprisingly, DIDN’T BREAK).
Off with the 10! strands of lights.
Off with the branches.
On to round two…
Yeah.
I needed wine when it was all said and done.
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Oh my gosh! I don't even know where to start…
1. I love you even more than I used to because you listen to N'sync Christmas. I love it!!!
2. I think I'm putting my tree up next weekend so I don't judge. I mean… we should enjoy it for as long as possible, I guess.
3. Yay for getting to do that with family. Because, it's not fun to do it by yourself!
4. Hilarious. I mean, I'm trying {really hard} not to laugh at your misfortune. But… that's so funny. Especially the picture of it actually falling. I'm impressed at the timing.
5. At least you got a good blog post out of it :-/
-Claire
http://www.fashionandfeathers.com
Oh my goodness this story is great! You always need one great story to start the Holidays! I am dreading putting my Christmas tree up my mom helped me last year because I am a disaster when it comes to doing Holiday things. Hopefully my fiance will be good at it!
Omg I was cracking up while I was reading this and that last picture was perfect (insert laughing until crying emoji here). Thank you for the good read, and I know how you feel. I still live at home but I have my own area of the house and I put up my own decorations and tree so we usually have about i think 3 trees in the house, mine's the only artificial one and it's a smaller one but it still manages to topple over somehow. I'm hesitant on putting it up this year.
http://www.jerseygirltexanheart.com
Oh man… I felt like I was right there with you on this one. I hate to laugh at your expense, but that story was hilarious. You're such a great daughter!
I feel terrible but…this is hilarious!!! I can picture it all happening and it's basically something out of a movie. And that's awesome.
You're so nice for putting up their tree. Twice.
Those pictures are hilarious and capture the scene of everything going on so well! Frustrations and all, I bet this will be a great memory for you guys for years to come! And hopefully you got it back up and put together?!
Oh my gosh, I would have cried! How frustrating! But at least you got a good story out of it! 🙂
I hate lights too!! What an ordeal!
http://www.madeintheshadeblog.com
Oh my gosh, what a time! Ha I love she snapped a pic instead of helping too, I always think that while I'm watching AFV too. PS- I put my Christmas stuff up yesterday, I want more than 1 month with it 🙂 And I had Hanson Christmas on Pandora playing…
Ummm yeah. This is why we buy pre-lit artificial trees, haha! Daughter of the year award, for sure!!
Oh Joey. Reading this makes me SO happy I'm Jewish! HAHAHAHAHAH
You definitely win the prize for best daughter, and at least you came out on the other end with no casualties (human or ornament), funny pictures, lots of smiles And wine. Wine for the win <3
Oh. My. Goodness. This story is hilarious… and that last picture makes me so sad!!! And I've never heard of the male and female ends- too funny! Hope it goes better next time but I'm sure it made for some laughs 🙂
Sweet Lord, this story made me laugh so hard! I'm sure it was an unfortunate situation for you… but if you don't laugh, you'll cry, right?
xoxo
Kat
Tell them they are having a Festivus pole this year. Boom. Done.
So nice of you to help them! Totally get your reasoning but otherwise ENOUGH with the Christmas Creep, people! I have gone into two stores and already heard Christmas music and instead of being filled with glee, I was filled with… annoyance, I guess.
So funny, I hate putting up Christmas trees. I also know what you mean about lesbian lights, they never work and I do my best to avoid them.
Oh my goodness, that brought me enough laughter to fill my quota for the day. And yes, NSYNC has by far the best Christmas album – my personal favorite is Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays.
haha! I feel your pain. I think one of the biggest fights my husband and I ever got into was over the tree because I am short and he kept yelling at me to hold it straight and I kept yelling back that I had t rex arms and couldn't help it. haha
I'm sorry I'm still cracking up over here about lesbian lights……I have never heard of them in that reference but now will forever be in my head that way!
Every year….every single damn year….I end up with a strand of lights that I cant find the female end too. And every year I have to go beg Chris to find it for me. (I too refer to them in the gender roles.) It never fails! And every year we say we are going to remember the problem, and ever year we forget to write it down. I guess that is part of the fun? Have you ever heard the twisted Christmas song about the 12 pains of Christmas? They totally talk about the lights on the tree and it throws me in stitches every single time.
I am sorry for your troubles my dear, but um at least we are laughing now?
Hopefully that isn't me next week when I put up our tree….
God bless you for going to all that effort, because I'm sure there are no words for how much your parents appreciate it!
Also, my brother and I were fighting over the tree once and we knocked it over and it snapped in half (on Christmas Eve). That was terrible.
Nsync holiday pandora station?! I'm gonna get on that FO SHO!
Bahahah… the "after" picture is classic!
OMG! Hysterical! I love your commentary too! And yes girl! ALL the wine!
What an adventure!! I died laughing at your male/female light strand reference. TOO funny 🙂 You are a sweet daughter to tackle this project 🙂
I hate to say this but you had me laughing out loud. I mean your sweet heart is so wonderful to do this but c'mon this is funny as hell. Drink that wine!