Why My Marriage Is Untraditional…
by Joey | Sep 10, 2014 | Throwback |
…and I’m okay with it.
Every little girl dreams about finding love and getting married. I was no exception. But the traditional marriage when the man comes home promptly at 6pm to find a wife in her apron setting dinner on the table doesn’t exist here.
And that’s true. It was me who woke up this morning, cleaned the dog poop from the yard and mowed the grass. It was me who tried to fix the agitator in the washing machine before finally breaking down and calling maintenance. It was me who abandoned the house for 12 plus hours because there was a cockroach in the sink.
I scrounge the fridge for dinner and eat it alone in front of the TV. I watch the hours tick by and finally concede to the night, washing my face, brushing my teeth and crawling into bed alone.
It is a world not many can relate to. And most don’t understand. As the years have gone on and more and more of my friends find themselves married, I can practically taste the frustration and judgement when they invite me and my husband over for dinner and I reply with well, we’re in season so I’ll be flying solo. “But we won’t serve dinner til 8pm. Surely you both can make it.” “Not a chance,” I say, knowing we probably won’t get another invitation again.
Our weekends from August until December, and maybe even beyond that if there are playoffs, are spoken for. “It’s just a game,” some will say. “Can’t you miss just one?” I miss plenty. It’s pretty impossible to make it to every away game if you have children or any kind of outside responsibility. But a home game? Never. I might have been drugged and sicker than I’ve ever been all last season, but on Saturdays you could find me in my seat screaming for a team I didn’t know existed the year before. Do I miss out on other things? Usually. But I don’t ever see that as a sacrifice. This is our life, and I’m happy for it.
So why do you do it? I get that question a lot, like it’s just that simple. Is it frustrating sometimes? Sure. Do I get lonely on occasion? Absolutely. Do I miss my husband when I spend no more than 10 conscious minutes with him in a week? Definitely. But he loves the game. And I love him. And I love this life, any football wife will tell you that. I’m not married to a football coach. I’m married to the game. I’m married to the team. And that’s pretty cool most of the time.
We get one life. And if you spend it doing anything less than what you’re passionate about, what’s the point? J found his passion and did literally everything under the sun to make that passion his career. Witnessing that kind of determination is what gave me the motivation and courage to chase my own dream.
So no. My marriage is definitely not traditional. We don’t spend Saturday mornings sipping coffee and browsing the Farmer’s Market. We don’t share stories about our day over dinner. We don’t even see each other during daylight hours most days. But when my husband can come home from working a 15 hour day with a smile on his face? Totally worth it.
I totally get it. DG coaches both men's and women's soccer at a local high school, and he is always working on it. A week before our wedding when I asked him to do something to help me related to either the house or the wedding, he told me he couldn't because he was working on stuff for women's soccer (right, the season that starts in February). But my dad was a coach, and I knew what I was signing up for. I eat dinner by myself or wait up for him to eat dinner. Last night, he had an away game, and he found me asleep on the couch waiting for him. With the exception of a few texts throughout the day, I didn't see him except to kiss him goodnight. But yes, it's definitely worth it because it's what makes him happy! 🙂 Great post! xo
I'm so glad you wrote this, as I know this is something you have been struggling with. Ie- the judgement, yada yada yada. First off, you're happy, and that's all that matters. You should never have to apologize or make excuses, and I find most people who judge are just damn unhappy with their own choices and lives. Do you wish things were different sometimes? Yes, of course, we all do. That's why we're human. But again, if this is what works, and what makes you and J happy, and you support each other, then that's all that matters. Everyone else can go suck a duck. Yep, that's right. Suck a duck (please excuse me, as I have not yet had coffee).
As long as you are happy girl, ignore the people who choose not to understand! Like you said, you get one life and if you love it, there's no reason to have to apologize for that!
I love your honesty girl! Seriously life is not all fairytales but if you have a strong marriage and a man that you love…..why does anyone need to question how you live that life together? Side note…..seriously though what are cockroaches made out of?? Even when you spray them with raid they still keep on moving?!?!
Not everyone could live that life or give up on the conventional ideas (a huge reason why my husband went to culinary school but never pursued restaurant work) so I think it's awesome that you guys have worked it out and cherish your ten minutes a week. You would think people would get it and invite you for a girls' night or extend invitations at different times of year but I guess, such is life. Glad you are doing it in a way that can make you both happy!
I admire your honesty. As long as you both are happy and have a good relationship that is all that matters. I only appreciate marital advice from cute old couples haha. The others can just be quiet I'm sorry. I also love how as I write this my husband is annoying me..lol. I still love him though! 🙂
I suppose I have a bit of an untraditional marriage too! My husband is a volunteer firefighter and whenever he gets a call he drops everything and goes. That often means leaving in the middle of dinner, or in the middle of the night, or right as we were about to leave the house for an event. But I know it's important work and he loves it. Of course that doesn't make it easy, but it's just a part of who he is! He'd like to be a full time firefighter soon, which means he'll be gone for 24 hours at a time and still have to run off for calls on his off days. I don't know how that will affect our marriage, but I know he's doing what he loves and we will make it work!
I love this. Totally puts things into perspective. You're right. It's so important to pursue passions. We only get one life.
With me working days and Tyson working nights I spend a lot of time of time alone in the evenings and on weekends too. Although it's a lot less now that I actually work from home!
What a beautiful post! I can see how people would judge and do that whole stink eye look every time you say you're coming solo. You have to think about it though, if they are going to judge are they really your friends? Your friends should be supportive especially of the fact that they know you are more than supportive to your husband and this lifestyle. I know for sure I could never do it. I wouldn't give you a hard time I'd probably come over for wine night every night haha!!!
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I loved reading this post Joey! I think you hit it spot on when you talk about seeing the person you love so happy– that makes the time apart worth it, even if it's hard! Also, I am swooning of your wedding dress- gorgeous!
You are just stunning!! I love this, we all have completely different lives and different version of fairytales. I think when you recognize this, and are truly happy with the life you have and who you share that life with, that is what it's all about. You make that clear, and that is beautiful. I honestly was not a girl that ever had a dream or vision of my wedding or marriage, but I definitely believe God knew exactly what he was doing giving me the man he did 🙂 Thanks for sharing sweet girl! PS- I bought that foundation yesterday, tried it today and LOVE it! It's perfect coverage and truly feels like you aren't wearing anything at all. I can't wait to play around with different applications too! Thanks!
And yes, it's also so awesome to be able to do something you LOVE! I forgot to add that haha.
First of all, that picture is amazing! Just beautiful!
I love this. Your marriage is right for you because you love him. It is very rare to be able to make your passion your career and the fact that you support him shows just how strong your love is. 🙂
Adore this post! Every marriage is different and your steadfast support of your husband is so special and your dual support of each other's passions is a great example of what it takes to make a marriage work!
Okay first of all, you look gorgeous in that picture!! Love your dress! I have to say, hearing about your untraditional marriage and just knowing that you have such a marriage, makes me feel better about mine, which is untraditional for totally different reasons. The comparison may be a long shot, but my husband is like you–the one spending sooo much time alone, having to go places without me, do a lot of the housework, the grocery shopping, etc., because my health problems and messed up sleep cycles limit me and keep me in bed so much. So the reason isn't a happy one, but just hearing your all's story is comforting in a weird way. 🙂 And you go for supporting him in all this! That's how true love is! 🙂
You could almost compare that to of being a military spouse. I know that's how I feel majority of the time. Especially now that holidays are coming around and we have no idea if we'll be able to go home. It takes very strong women to stand by our husbands side who have very demanding jobs! And it's only easy because we love them.
Wow Joey, what an awesome post! First I have to say I LOVE your dress. You look gorgeous! And second, I totally get it. I come from a football family and it is hard. You make a lot of sacrifices and your family makes a lot of sacrifices. But you love the game and your hubby loves the game and it's your life. You are an awesome wife for being so supportive of his dreams, and I hope that he supports yours as well. At least during the off season. 🙂
He's got himself a good woman! 🙂
My relationship definitely isn't traditional either. We're actually eating dinner together (that was MADE) for the first time in forever, but, that's only b/c Pete has a random day off and I told his ass to get in the kitchen when I got home, hahaha!
You are so gorgeous! That wedding picture is amazing!
MFD's hours are never regulated and can change at the last minute. Some weeks we don't see each other. Sometimes he cancels plans at the last minute to take a client out to see a home. If anyone didn't invite me somewhere again because I showed up solo or said I couldn't come, we'd likely not still be friends.
No one is in your marriage except you and him. Whatever anyone else thinks doesn't really matter.
My brother is a high school football and baseball coach and while I'm not married to a coach, I totally understand what you are saying! It's nice you have such an awesome outlook on it and support your husband 100% during his busy season!
Great post! My husband works late many nights, and some weekends, and I know people think I'm just making up excuses for him not being at events. But we just make the best of it and go on with it:)
I completely hear ya… I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 years and about 2 years ago he decided to pursue his passion of culinary arts. He is finishing up school now, but he works almost every night and all weekend. I knew what it would entail, but it is rough sometimes. I sometimes feel like the single one of my friends because I am often riding solo. I knew if he opted-out of culinary school for me, he would resent me later on down the road. I love that he is so happy and passionate about what he does, but it does get lonely sometimes!
we don't have a traditional marriage either – who does anymore? i say you do you – and your husband – and make yourselves happy! that's all that matters in the end.
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