To be candid and honest? Sometimes I wish I wanted to do something, anything else other than writing. I look at those people who wake up every single day–they put on their clothes. They sip their coffee. They head to their offices and they know exactly what they’re doing.
Someone hired them for that job. Someone looked at them and said “yup. You’re good enough. You have what it takes.”
I envy that.
There are days that I think I’ve got this. I sit my happy ass in front of my computer and the world just dissolves. It’s me and my words, and it’s working.
But then there are days like today.
As a writer, it’s important to also be a reader. And sometimes I read and I think Oh, gosh. I can totally do this. I’m so on par with these people. And then there are times that I read something, look up with tear filled eyes and fling my arms in the air. Like, what the hell am I even doing this for? That pressure for greatness? It both motivates and paralyzes me.
I know in a creative world it is important to learn and grow from others. But it is also imperative not to compare yourself to others. Balancing that is something I struggle with so much. I think we all do, really. No matter what field we run in.
So, just in case you thought this whole writer’s life thing was so glamorous–I’m here to tell you that sometimes it’s just plain ugly.
Like today. It’s eleven AM. I’m still in my pajamas, but I’ve been up and working since 6:30. And for the last hour I’ve been having a breakdown because what if it’s just not good enough.
Yesterday? Yesterday, I had it all in the bag. I was cool, calm and collected.
And today, I’m a mess.
Welcome to my life.
i think everyone goes through that; sometimes we wonder if what we're doing is what we're supposed to be doing; if there's more out there.
writing is a tough gig. i'm far from a writer but i think those who have the ability to write wonderful stories in which people can get lost, is a true talent. keep pushing through, J; you can do this. life isn't easy, otherwise no one would be sad or angry
-kathy
Vodka and Soda
Being a teacher is a lot like that too. Good days and bad! I promise though, you are your toughest critic! And the beauty of doing what you're doing is your using a gift that not a lot of people have! 🙂
Love how honest you are Joey.
Just take a breather, go for a drive or a walk? Maybe you need some inspiration other than the computer screen staring back at you.
You can totally do it! I love how honest and inspiring this entry is at the same time! I dream of being a writer, and after I recently finished Harry Potter, I was like oh my gosh, I could never write anything nearly this good & you're right it does kind of get you down. But at the same time, if you think about how Harry Potter all came about, maybe you really CAN write the next big thing 🙂
That fact that you are writing and getting to express yourself is amazing! If you every want a beta reader I totally volunteer myself! 😉
Someone is always going to be better than you and someone is always going to be worse. You can only really be the best that you are, and some days that's not up to your own standards. I think we've all been there. The trick is to get back on the horse. That's especially true for me and my relationship with writing.
I think we all have days where we question what we are even doing. I will say, I admire that you write. I could never let my creativeness come out enough to actually "do" that!
Today is just an off day and tomorrow you will be back on! You got this!
you GOT this. We all have days like that – even us non-creative Accountants 🙂 Hang in there – you CAN DO THIS. And tomorrow is a new day <3
Hey. "Don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle."
Yup. I totally understand this. Sometimes I feel like a loser because I don't have an office job. The lovely life of a writer, eh?
Life in an office can sometimes be terrible too, I do know my job but it constantly changes and I have to adjust with it. There are days when I get frustrated with work, and I want to throw my computer out the window too.
I think we all face frustrations in our chosen lines of work and there is always going to be somebody you think does it better (even in an office), just remember that somebody felt and feels the same way you do. They're a write too after all. 🙂
You got this girl!! I totally understand where you're coming from though
Honestly, I feel like this is a grass in greener kind of thing. I mean, I would LOVE to be able to work as a writer from home… but you just demonstrated the challenges that must be faced on a daily basis when that's the case. Going into a damn office erryday ain't no picnic either, let me tell ya, sister friend. Is anything ever going to be perfect? No. Just go with what's perfect for YOU!
Joey! Like the 'other' Kathy said…everyone goes through it. At one point or another we all feel like we could be doing something else or that the people around us are so motivated and so happy while we are just "eh" – but then you and I and everyone has those days others envy. Except we don't pay attention to those days the same way we do the sad ones ;( You were there for me a few days ago, I hope I can be here for you! Always feel free to e-mail me to chat! 🙂
Let me tell you that I hold a lot of value in the fact that "They wanted ME. I must be succeeding as a human being because that school wanted ME." (Though in my case it was the principal, who I greatly admire…the teachers haven't been the *most* welcoming.) I wish I could do what you do and hold enough confidence in myself to establish my own career. Getting up at 5:21am and getting dressed up is overrated. Though, I'll probably miss it in a few months.
We all have our good days and bad days. Thursday was awesome. Friday was not.
I'm late to the party today, but hopefully Saturday was better than Friday! I think it's hard to be happy with your job 100% of the time, no matter what it is, but in your case you go so long without any feedback from the outside world, it's got to be frustrating. Just remember your family and friends that encouraged you to make the choice to focus on writing wouldn't have done that if they thought you were crap at it. They would have found a way to encourage you to chose something else. Remember all the writers you admire started at the bottom too, stay strong!
I'm sorry you were feeling so off on Friday, and I hope the weekend fared better. First, I don't know how do it, I know I would have no discipline to work from home, but it looks like you've got a great support system. But, I do think that everyone, regardless of what type of work they are in, has days where he or she feels like they are totally in their groove, and days when they feel like they can do no right.
Comparison is definitely the biggest confidence killer in the world of writing! I completely understand how you feel, and I don't even depend on writing for an income yet. I think it's super important to remember that there are always going to be good days and bad days. Just keep pushing and have confidence in yourself. You know exactly who you are and what you are capable of. 🙂