It’s like I was sent a life boat and I turned it away because I was waiting for a miracle.
The life boat was the miracle.
I am afraid to go on road trips because I’m afraid of breaking down.
In the back of my head, I am angry that we aren’t in a position to just buy a new car.
So I can go and see my friends.
So I don’t have to hesitate.
So I don’t have to think about it.
What I have isn’t good enough.
That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. I have a car. It’s an old car, but I have a car. A car that has been taken care of. Sure, it’s had its stubborn moments, but I have a car.
Bear with me here a second.
My best friend lives 4 hours away. I have the blessing of a flexible schedule–but it’s been years since I’ve been to visit her (and some of those years she only live 1.5 hours away) because J’s busy working, and I was too afraid to make the trip alone. I was afraid to make the trip alone because what if I break down. I’m confessing something to you here–hold off on the judgment for a second if you can.
It’s not an excuse–it’s a real, true fear. But I allowed that fear to fester. And it’s gotten to a point that I stop myself from doing a lot of things because of that fear. It reminds me of when I said I couldn’t write a book until I got a new computer (that was 5 years ago…and I’m still using the same computer).
Spoiled Brat.
Before you click out, judging me, listen.
I have a point, I promise.
There was this overwhelming need to get out to SC this past weekend. Nothing was wrong. Everyone was well and they didn’t need my help per se with anything, but I felt this pulling on my heart. My friend asked me to come, and I was prepared to make my standard issued reply I can’t, J’s got work and you know my car. But I didn’t. I had anxiety the entire week leading up to Friday. I packed up the car and off I went. The 4 hour drive took 6. And I was in desperate need of a hug and a beer when I arrived, but my car made it just fine.
- On Friday night, we sat next to a couple at the bar who I know we were just meant to meet and talk to.
- On Saturday, I was able to witness Clay (Abby’s brother who has Wilson’s Disease, and who has been in a wheel chair unable to do anything for himself–eat, drink, swallow, walk, talk, etc since 2008) scoot his chair forward using only his feet for the first time. This was a moment that brought me to tears.
- On Sunday, I met two young ladies who have an inspiring story of their adoption from Romania.
- And the Sunday Service spoke right to my heart.
My point here is this.
I was absolutely meant to be in SC this past weekend.
It was important for me to get over that fear and just go.
To trust.
I have the tools. Use them.
Stop waiting for better ones.
sometimes stepping outside of our comfort zone yeilds great results. i can see how you'd be scared though…the thought of being stranded scares me but that's what cell phones are for right? imagine those days when cell phones weren't even a thing?!
glad you went 🙂
-kathy | Vodka and Soda
I love this post especially how you wrote it….I have a lot of issues with stepping out of my comfort zone and not being such an anxious person….at the end it always works out but I build it up so much that sometimes I don't do it and that is even worse.
I am SO glad you battled that fear and went with your gut! We so often let fears lead the way and miss out on important moments, and the thing about fears is they are usually so irrational. We can't control many, many things and we just have to learn to go with it as much as possible. So go girl! Glad you traveled to where you were meant to be. <3
So, so glad that God urged you to come down to SC and that out of the entire city of Greenville, you two ended up beside us at the bar on Friday. You are so amazing!
We are always going to end up where we are supposed to be. such a cool story!
I make excuses too but it's because I hate to spend that long in the car, I would rather just stay home. I need to go back to NC and visit some friends, but I'm so comfy here at the beach it's hard to leave.
I'm so glad you made it!
I also worry that we'll break down. Or that I'll get bored. Long car trips are just not fun for me.
So glad you decided to go. It can be really scary but we usually have the best time once we actually step out of out comfort zone.
I am so glad that you were able to make it!! Sounds like a fun weekend! Girl, I feel your fear. Before last year, I was driving around a 1998 Camry. I had purchased it in college and it was nice and not old when I first got it and it had treated me well all those years. It was paid for. It got me from point A to point B. But I too had fear of traveling more than an hour from my home or where I knew people for fear of something happening. I am so glad that I was able to get a new (to me) car last year and not worry about it anymore. Although, don't we all take a chance when we get behind the wheel no matter how far we travel or how new our car is?
I used to be scared to take road trips in Alaska in the winter. I mean, are you just ASKING to freeze to death in the middle of nowhere?? I was the only one I knew with that specific issue though…
I'm glad you had a good weekend!
That's a good thing to remember! We don't always need bigger or better stuff to make things happen!
I love this post. So glad you faced your fears and had an amazing weekend! I hear you about the travel fear though…my truck is a 1995, and I LOVE driving it in the city, but I've definitely had my share of anxiety taking it on solo road trips.
I have this EXACT.SAME.FEAR. Literally. The exact same one. Plus, I just hate driving period so that makes it even worse. I'm glad you bitch slapped that fear in the face and went anyway girl! 😀
Every now and then, we have to step out of our comfort zones. You miss a lot when you don't. So glad you were able get past it for the weekend, and experience some wonderful things! You go girl!