For years, “become more confident” was one of those goals that got moved from one year’s list to the next as I would audit my yearly goals on New Years: target unmet.
I couldn’t figure it out. I saw confident people everywhere I looked. But I couldn’t seem to become confident myself. And the thing is, I had big dreams. BIG GOALS. And all of those things, well, I couldn’t do them until I felt confident.
I’d summon the feeling with all of my might. And yet, year after year, I’d be left wanting.
That’s until I realized that confidence isn’t something you find; it’s a skill that you cultivate. And there are a few ways to do just that.
Habits of confident people
So, here are five habits that every confident person does. And the good news is, you can start today.
Habit #1: They start before they’re ready
If you read my last blog post, then you already know that the planning phase can be a tricky thing. You can have a plan, for sure. There’s truth to the “fail to plan, plan to fail” motto. But confident people know that at some point, the planning has to end and the action has to begin.
The reality is, it’s rare that you ever feel fully prepared for something. It’s nearly impossible to do so. And if you think you’re going to wait until you feel ready, you’ll likely never, ever start. And confident people know this to be true.
Habit #2: Confident people know their thoughts & words matter
Did you know that there was a bullying experiment conducted on plants? Would you believe me if I told you that the results of that experiment revealed that the plants who were bullied suffered in ways that the plants who were not didn’t?
Our words matter. Spoken words. Thought words. They matter. And the question is, are you being kind to yourself with your words? Or are you bullying yourself?
Imagine where you’d be if you spoke and thought kindly to yourself.
Don’t try to argue this point, okay? Because even plants. EVEN PLANTS react to words.
Confident people know the value and the weight of their thoughts and words. In fact, you may even find affirmations taped up all around their house. Because words have power.
Habit #3: They embrace discomfort
In the book Change your paradigm, change your life, Bob Proctor brings up the point that if you’re comfortable, there’s no growth happening. And man, if that’s not the truth.
Confident people know that in seasons of discomfort, they’re learning, growing and expanding. And in that growth, learning and expansion, they achieve new levels of confidence.
It takes courage to step out of your comfort zone. But if you know that confidence is right on the other side of that leap, why wouldn’t you jump?
Habit #4: Confident people keep the promises they make to themselves.
Ah, discipline. If I didn’t know better, I’d think it’s a 4 letter word. This is a tough one, I know. But listen, trusting yourself is a big part of feeling confident. Keeping the promises you make to yourself, following through on those commitments, proves to yourself that you are reliable and capable. Self-trust is a core component of confidence, and every time you fulfill those promises, you essentially make a little deposit into your self-trust bank.
Those with discipline know that it spills over into other areas of your life. Knowing you can reliably depend on yourself makes you resilient and better equipped to handle challenges that may come your way. And this knowing, that faith in your capability, helps you to show up more confidently in the world.
Habit #5: They own who they are
Confident people don’t seeking validation and approval. They’ve done the work to get to know themselves and stand firm in it. They’ve accepted who they are and developed a strong sense of self-worth. The truth is, you are already inherently worthy. You don’t have to earn worthiness or seek to have it satisfied externally. And confident people know, accept and stand in this truth.
The truth about confidence
Being confident doesn’t mean being the loudest person in the room or demanding all of the attention. No. Instead, it’s a consistent practice of habits that establish, strengthen and reaffirm self-belief.
You don’t need anyone’s permission to be confident. And in case you’re worried (because I was), confident doesn’t mean arrogant.
You can be confidently soft, gentle and kind.
Or you can be confidently boisterous, wild and assertive.
Or any mix of it all.
If stepping into all of these habits feels overwhelming to you, just start with one. Any one that feels most palatable to you. You’re allowed to take baby steps into your confidence.
But I’d like to leave you with a challenge. I’d like for you to commit to at least one of these habits for one week. Tell me in the comments below which one(s) you’re going to give a whirl, then come back next week and let me know how it went and how you’re feeling!
Until next time, ladybugs!
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