Some things.

I did it again. I dropped off the face of the planet just like I promised I wouldn’t. OG blog friends — do any of you just sort of feel…old in the online space these days? I ditched socials, at least in the consistent consuming/posting kind of way back in May of 2020 and haven’t really looked back. But I miss connecting and sharing. But finding a place on the big platforms that feels comfortable has been a struggle. And then it sort of just dawned on me in an embarrassing way. Why don’t I just return to my own space? My very own place. This will always be my safe space, the place where I make the rules.

So in that spirit, I thought I’d share a few things that have been floating around in my universe lately.

I’m in my third trimester. I’ve had a relatively uneventful pregnancy with this little nugget, and I’m tremendously grateful for that. But something came to light at my most recent routine check-up that isn’t necessarily a big deal, but it’s got me feeling all kinds of…mom guilt? As much as people talk, it’s alarming how little people actually share about the real truths of pregnancy.

Long story short, I haven’t gained enough weight and baby is measuring behind. I’ve been assured that independently, my doctor is not concerned one bit about either one of these…we’ll call them “issues” for lack of a better term. But paired together, it’s worth looking into a little more. All that to say, I have had my first true introduction to what it feels like to feel a bit like a mom failure. I know it’s not the case, but I feel like I’ve failed my kid in some way because the sickness and aversions and dramatic lack of appetite in general have all just been so tough to push through. Sigh. Parenthood.

Work is insane. I don’t even know how to properly describe the insanity, so you’ll just have to take my word for it. Summer/beginning of fall in Admissions is pure delightful chaos. I thrive in this and typically enjoy the exhaustion that comes with it. But navigating the craziness while 8 months pregnant in 100 degree weather? Not exactly ideal but managing none-the-less. I have, however, already put in my reservation for Camp Grandma for this time next year. I just can’t even wrap my head around trying to keep my head above water with a work and keeping a 9 month old alive while the husband has disappeared into a football camp blackhole for 10 days.

I’m not writing. Anything. But I want to be. And I find my mind drifting to the story I abandoned long ago often. You’ve heard me say time and time again that book two is thisclose. And it was. But now it isn’t. There’s so much I’d want to change. And I’m eager to change it, to dive in and pull it all apart. But I just haven’t. If there’s one thing I’ve come to understand about myself and my writing process it’s that I cannot force it. It will come when it will come. And apparently right now is just not that time.

Our kitchen is pretty much done. I still just can’t believe the transformation or the fact that my wizard husband did it all on his own (for the most part). I feel like I should do a whole stand alone post about the process, how much it cost, and maybe even a few things we learned along the way. Would there be any interest in that?

I barely recognize our lives. I’m sure this has happened to at least a handful of you, but our lives changed so dramatically so quickly that I often find myself sort just of in awe of everything. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for all we’ve experienced up until this point. Every opportunity. Every mistake. Every twisted path that seemed to dead end into nothingness. But when I try to piece together exactly how we ended up here, I simply cannot. And that’s how I know God is real. Because friends? I’ve prayed for this exact life more times that I can even say. Sometimes consciously. Usually unconsciously. But always deep down in my soul, I’ve always wanted exactly this. A quaint little home we could make our own. A stable job where I could show up, be myself and feel like what I do actually matters. A family of our own. It’s wild to me that suddenly, here we are. Weeks (yes…WEEKS!) away from meeting our little human and shifting gears into a whole new season of life. And while we’re definitely prepared, I don’t feel quite ready. But again, I guess that’s where God comes in, huh?

Anyway, that’s the update on us for the moment. Fill me in on you, would ya?