The messy middle

When I was a kid, every so often my mom would come up the stairs and leave a box of black trash bags outside my door; the subtle indicator that it was time to do a deep clean. I hated the process but always loved the results, so after a few deep breaths, I’d dive in.

Somewhere in the middle, I’d lose stamina and motivation. Inevitably, I’d find myself sitting on my bed in the midst of chaos, my room an actual disaster zone, everything out of place. Mess makes me anxious, so this would always bring on a bit of a panic. I’d regret ever starting. I’d beat myself up for losing steam or not having a better plan of action going in. I would struggle to see how I would ever recover from the destruction. The visions of a clean and clutter-free room were long gone; a pipe dream.

But little by little, the floor would clear. The bags would fill and order would reinstate. Then I’d stand in the doorway admiring my work, breathing a cleansing breath of relief. You did it.

There are seasons of life that look a lot like black trash bag cleaning. And y’all, I’m in it. This year thus far has been a long process of touching everything in my life and making the painful but important decisions about where (and if) they fit. I’ve closed the door on friendships, cutting the ties that tether me to toxic drama and chaos. I’ve let go of things I was white-knuckling without really knowing why I was holding onto them. We drag things around with us from season to season without ever really deciding to. I’ve put my hands on everything, laying it all out in front of me to examine.

And right now, I’m sitting on my bed evaluating the mess in front of me out of motivation and stamina. Everything is out of place. And I don’t know how we’ll recover from the destruction.

The messy middle.

As a person so full of hope it can get obnoxious, I know this season will pass. I am constantly reminded that everything everything, good or bad, is temporary. But that doesn’t make the mess any easier to stomach. The only way through it is through it. But it’s also really easy to forget that everyone goes through it, too. Social media makes us believe that everyone has their ish together. And y’all. It has to stop. You can be a mess and still rock the eff out of your business. You can be dealing with really heartbreaking realities and still experience joy. This is the beautiful dissonance of real life.

The middle is messy but it’s also where the magic happens, or so says Brenè Brown. And I really believe that. The messy middle is not just unavoidable; it’s actually integral to the process of change.

We all work so hard to hide our seasons of messiness. Lives on display, shame creeps in. Comparison tells us we messed up, or worse failed.

Because no one shares the mess. Overnight successes really look like a whole lot of work and heartache behind the scenes. Everyone is quick to share their new homes, baby announcements and business launches. But what about all the struggle behind it all?

Life is hard, y’all. Why do you think my coaching business is booming? Because everyone needs help. You’re not alone in the struggles and neither am I.

And that, my friend, is a beautiful thing.

So I might be staring a mess in the face right now, but I know that little by little, the floor will clear, the bags will fill and order will reinstate.

Let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.
Hebrews 12:1