“I don’t know what I want.” How many of you have said this to yourself at least once in the past six weeks? Maybe you’re unsure about which direction to take your career. Or maybe you’re considering leaving your job and starting your own company. Things might feel foggy when it comes to your dating life or finding your passion. Whatever it is, we’ve all been there before. We’ve all stood in front of the mirror with tear-streaked cheeks screaming What do you want at the sad girl in the reflection. (Or maybe that was just me? Okay, moving on.) It’s time to find some clarity and determine what you want.
The thing is, you already have the clarity you’re searching for, whether consciously or subconsciously. Maybe you even have some sort of idea of what you want. You get a glimpse of it every so often, or a moment of passion will bubble to the surface. But for whatever reason, the full clarity is blocked by something; and that something is most likely fear. So how do you figure out what you want and find clarity? Let’s get to it.
What do you want?
When I decided that I needed to stop nannying back in 2016, I had a meeting with a friend to spruce up my resume. By that time in my life, I’d held basically every job under the sun including advertising executive, cupcakery manager, property assistant manager, and my personal favorite tanning salon manager. Take it from me, my resume was a hot mess. What do you want she asked me, a list of every last one of my skills open on her computer screen.
I want to work from home I told her. It was then that I started on about the different types of things I wouldn’t mind doing.
You should start your own company she told me. You’d make more money, you’d have more freedom, and you’d get to make sure you’re doing the kind of work you love. I really think you could do it.
It was that moment that changed everything for me. I wasn’t one to have a lot of confidence in myself–but seeing as though she was talking me out of hiring her to fix up my resume, I trusted her. Funny isn’t it? How we have an easier time trusting others than ourselves sometimes.
My wheels started turning. Since I was originally looking for virtual assistant type jobs, it made the most sense to me to start a virtual assistance company. My favorite answer every time someone asked me what do you want was still I don’t know. My only goal? Work from home. But as things got moving, I learned a few things about finding clarity…
Make one small decision
I decided to start. That’s it. I landed on a business name and bought the domain. I built out a simple Squarespace site. With that one decision came a lot more smaller decisions, and though I still felt really unsure, I made one decision at a time.
Something special happens when you make one small decision: you set things in motion. I know this can feel terrifying, especially if you aren’t 100% sure of some things, but trust me. Making one small decision is the first step to finding your clarity.
Start making moves
Those small decisions will require some action. So, now is the time to start making moves. For me, that meant embodying what it meant to be an owner of a virtual assistant business. I started drafting out service packages, following other VA businesses, and researching. And with every move, I found more clarity.
Keep tabs on how you feel
Because I was in action, it was easier for me to get a read on the situation. Think of it like this: you walk into a store and see a killer outfit on the mannequin. You envision yourself in the outfit, and you imagine how it might feel to wear it yourself. But then you get the clothes into the dressing room and realize the top is super itchy and the faux leather pants are cutting off your circulation. While it looked great from the outside, now that you’re in it, you know it’s not for you.
That’s what small decisions and actions do for your clarity. Now that you’re in it, how does it feel? Keep a read on these feelings and continue to make one small decision after another to guide yourself into the right lane.
The thing is, we’re all terrified to make mistakes. We’re afraid to waste our time and to make fools of ourselves. But that’s how we grow and change. Making a decision doesn’t mean you have to stick to it. You can try it out to decide if it’s right for you or not. And if it’s not, change it. But at least then you’ll know. I have made my fair share of mistakes (hell, I’ve probably made enough mistakes to cover your fair share, too). But if you look at the “mistake” as a lesson in how not to do something, growth happens. You test and change until you get it right.
Ask yourself the right questions along the way.
The important thing about keeping tabs on your feelings is to find out what those feelings are telling you. Make decisions and take action accordingly. But most importantly, to really find clarity, you need to ask the kinds of questions that take you somewhere.
I’ve put together a finding clarity guide that includes the actual questions I ask my clients when I guide them through this process. Get your copy now!
The truth about finding clarity.
The thing is, finding clarity is ongoing, it’s fluid. Things change; you change. That’s the way life goes. What might have been right in one season of your life might feel really, really wrong now. And that’s okay. What might have felt too scary a couple of years ago might seem like a piece of cake now. Look back over your life, examine the different seasons. See where you’ve grown, changed, evolved.
I will tell you this, clarity comes from a bold place. You owe it to yourself to try out the life you want. If you spend all your time wishing and dreaming, what good is that? Try it on for size and see how it feels.
Hey, I believe in you. So just do the damn thing.
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