I don’t know how to start this except to just say what I have to say. When I first started this blog, it was to document my life. And whether I want to remember all of this or not, it’s happening. It’s real. And I’m lost in a fog of emotions. When I’m absent from this space, I get messages and emails asking if I’m okay. And for now, I will probably be absent. I have some pre-written content, but I’m hesitant to even put that up because my heart is in such a fragile place. And while I’m okay, I am not okay.
My dad is sick. I’ve never written those words on this blog. But in early 2014, he was diagnosed with a rare, incurable autoimmune disease. After a sudden rush of symptoms over the course of six months, it seemed his team of doctors had things moderately under control.
“When your kids google this disease,” the doctor told my mother all those months ago “they’re going to see a life expectancy of five years. That is old information,” he assured her.
He was diagnosed 1.5 years ago. And on Sunday morning, after all of my siblings and I rushed from all over the US to be with my family over the weekend, I hugged my dad, looked him in the eye, told him thank you and I love you before I got in my car and drove the excruciating 2.5 hours back home. That could very well be the last moment I will ever have with my dad.
The day after Christmas, we called 911. After an onslaught of new symptoms, he’s declined rapidly over the last few weeks. And last week, my siblings and I got the message from my mom that we were all dreading.
Oh, no. My heart goes out to your and your family. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.
I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. Your whole blogger community is here and is thinking of you <3
Thinking of you and your family. It does suck, no matter how many people go through it, it just sucks. We lost my Grandaddy (who was more like a Dad than a grandparent) a few years ago and even though we were prepared it still took everything out from under me when it happened. You do just have to do whatever feels right. Sometimes that means letting yourself be in the loss and other times it means doing normal things to remind yourself that you're still here.
I am so sorry, I will be praying for your family
Oh I am so sorry to hear this. I will keep you and your families in our prayers!
Oh sweet friend, my heart is breaking for you. I am sending you all the love and hugs right now for you and your family. Let me know if you need anything!
Prayers!
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I am so so sorry! When there are no words, just know that you are being prayed for!
I am so so sorry to hear about this and I'm praying for you and your family. I can't even imagine what you're going through, but stay strong and let me know if you need anything at all!!!!
xo, Kristina
I'm so sorry Joey! My heart, prayers and thoughts go out to you, and your family, especially your parents. I think you expressed yourself so eloquently in a time of grief, confusion, anger, etc. Just know that there are people out there…here, praying for you!
oh Joey. I am so so sorry. I wish I could say or do something. if you need anything, please let me know. Keeping your dad and your family in my thoughts xx
Lifting up prayers for you all…. I am so sorry
Hugs. I agree that you can think you are prepared but in reality we never are. For five years I watched a loved one die, slowly, horribly and I thought well I'm prepared. I even prayed for death to come quickly so the pain could end. When I sat by him in his final hour my soul was slowly shredded to pieces because it is so incredibly difficult to actually be in the moment with. God's blessings to you and your family, Joey. I wish I could say I don't get it and hope to never have to deal with it but I understand this immensely.
I am so so sorry to hear about your Dad. I will definitely be keeping your whole family in my thoughts and prayers.
So, so, so sorry to hear about this. You and your entire family are in my thoughts and prayers!
xoxo
Kat
Thinking of and praying for your family right now. So sorry to hear this update, but glad you're surrounded by a great crew of people. Take care!!
Joey, I'm so sorry that your dad and all of your family are going through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
I am so sorry, Joey. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!
Sometimes we really get it on our heart to share. I'm proud of you for being so brave. You're in our thoughts and prayers. Hugs.
I am sending so much love your way. You are in my thoughts!
I love y'all so dearly. You know I'm here anytime, gush.
Keeping you and your family in my prayers <3
My heart breaks for you, friend. And I know that there's nothing I could possibly write in this little box to make things any better. So I will just say I am with you, I hurt with you, and I will be praying for you and for your family during this impossible time.
Oh my. I am praying for you and your parents. This is such sad news and I understand your reluctance to participate in some of these seemingly normal things when you're feeling such turmoil.
Just know there is a whole community here who loves you and is behind you and is praying for a miracle.
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You and your family are most definitely in my prayers. Its easy for people to say they know what you're going through, whether they have or not, but I can honestly say I've been through something very similar with my Mom so I truly know exactly where you are at right now. Take all the time in the world, it'll all happen when its supposed to!
My heart goes out to you. My prayer life has grown so much stronger over the past few weeks because I've tried to make it a point to pray while I breastfeed {and let me just tell you… that's all the time} and you and your family will be added to my list. I sat here and cried reading your post just now. I'm praying for a special peace that comes from God. xoxo
I am very saddened to hear this. Your family is amazing and I will always remember them all taking me in and letting me stay there while my family was going through a hard time. You were my rock in high school. I never remember seeing your dad much at home back then, but when I did he was very welcoming to me. I am very sorry you have to go through this Joey. But your sisters words are right on. Lots of prayer for your sweet mother and your dad.
Meghan
Oh, friend. I'm so sorry. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. I love you and take all the time you need. xo, Champagne&Suburbs
Sending prayers to you and your family during this difficult time. *Hugs* Let me know if you need anything!
Sending prayers and thoughts your way! Loosing your mom or dad is one of the hardest things we will do in our lives.We can never prepare to say goodbye to the person who has been there since the day we were born. Hang in there and spend as much time as you can with him while you can! HUGS to you and your entire family!
My heart aches for you. I can't imagine how you are feeling right now. I would be lost and out of control in pain in your situation. Know you are loved and I'm here for anything I can possibly do to help.
My heart is breaking for you. Your family is certainly in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh Joey, I'm thinking of you and your family at this hard time. Hang in there.
My heart is breaking for you, I cannot even imagine. Many thoughts and prayers friend.
I'm so sorry. That's such a horrible thing to go through. Thinking of you.
Definitely keeping you and your family in our prayers.
Sending you so much love Joey. And of course an extra heaping of love to your beautiful family. Xoxo
Sending you so much love Joey. And of course an extra heaping of love to your beautiful family. Xoxo
My heart goes out to you and your family. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss girl. I was hoping he gets better or some sort of a miracle happens. Who am I kidding?! I went though the same last year and well, I know how it ended. This won't make it easier for you. Take all the time you need to process this and to mourn your loss. I saw it on Instagram but reaching out to you here in a lame comment. I'm sending you hugs from the west coast. There's not much I can say but just to take your time and not rush things; anything. This may sound weird right now but one day it'll make sense. So take your time, cry, scream, and yes even laugh. I'm thinking of you. Xo