I’ve started living by a new rule. I don’t should the bed.
Wait, what?
Hear me out. We all do it. We all think we should do this and should do that. It’s the way we’re programmed. Society expects us to behave a certain way. Family and friends put a certain amount of healthy pressure on us. You put an ungodly amount of pressure on yourself. And usually, when you’re feeling that pressure and you speak it, what word comes out of your mouth?
Should.
Stop it.
Lately, my thoughts have looked a little like this:
I should be using my degree.
I should make more money.
I should own a house by now.
I should have started a family by now.
I should have my shit together.
But what’s wrong with the life I’m living right now? Nothing. There’s literally nothing wrong. But I feel a certain amount of pressure from the world to be different. I’m definitely on a different path than most people my age. And I’m not exactly where I thought I’d be when I was sixteen dreaming about my life. But then again, I was naive then, as I should be. But we have this habit of making our situations wrong. We put all this pressure on ourselves, and we turn anything that isn’t dreamy or ideal into being wrong. Because those damn shoulds get in the way.
I’ve been dealing with a good amount of shame and guilt lately over all these shoulds. Like somehow I’ve failed because my life looks different from yours. But the reality is, this is my reality, and there’s nothing wrong with it. And there’s nothing wrong with your reality, either. But it’s easy to not feel like you’re enough when you start to play the comparison game, when the shoulds creep in.
But I think that’s why it’s important for us to share our stories, our real truths. Because we’re not all that unique. I don’t mean that in a bad way, no. I mean that we’re never actually alone. If you like certain things, there are others out there like you. If certain ridiculous things make you giddy, there’s a tribe out there who shares your enthusiasm. You’ve just got to find your people. And I want to be your people.
So my truth? Well. I guess that’s a story for another day.
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YES! I think we all need this reminder–thank you for giving it to us, too! 🙂
Shoulds can be quite haunting. I know the expectations I always hold for myself to be doing more or being more are quite ridiculous, but that doesn't stop me from having them! What a good reminder of that- to be content.
Amen.
It's like you took the words right out of my brain. I "should" every day, with every blog post or FB post I read. It makes me feel kind of ill just thinking about it.
Love this post! Shoulda, Woulda, and Couldas are no way to live life. Thanks for this awesome reminder to focus on living in the now and being content with the life you have right now. 🙂
Love this post! And you! You are a wise woman, gush 🙂 xo
Good stuff! I've gotten caught up in "shoulds" as well – especially with "you should be married by the time you're 30" and I wasn't. That was tough. It takes a strong person to not listen to society, be content with where/who you are and not feel the need to please society.
You're so right! Thanks for putting it in prospective. We have those "should have done" and "what if" moments but I guess that's normal.
xx Emily
Martinis & Bikinis
Well said!! Everyone's life is different and you have to do what's in YOUR best interest… not everyone else's. Ps. What's your schedule like this week?!?
xo, Kristina
Love this! The word 'should' is the equivalent of a swear word in our house. Nothing good can come from it. I wrote a blog post similar to this (yours is more eloquent) about letting go of expectations. You can read it you're interested http://www.simplyluckylife.blogspot.com/2014/10/letting-go-of-expectations.html xoxo
This is definitely a good reminder! One I need to repeat to myself over and over again. 🙂
Oh my goodness, yes 1000 times to this post!
I agree completely. The shoulds can tear us down. Setting goals is great, but just because things don't go exactly as planned doesn't mean what happened instead is wrong. Perspective. Thanks for giving me some!
This is so true! I find myself paying attention to the "shoulds" way too often. This is a nice reminder to let them go, and live the life I want. Also, I'm lovin' that mug.
xoxo
Kat 🙂
Yes, yes, yes. I cant tell you how many times the word should enters my mind!!!
Love love love this. So much.
Love this post and all that goes with it. I am trying to eliminate should from my vocabulary!
I LOVE this post so, so much!
I'll do what I can and tomorrow, I'll try a little harder but there's no room for should. It is or it isn't.
Great post! Apparently, it resonated with a lot of us. Keep on putting these words of wisdom out there.
Very well said. "Should, coulda, woulda" will kill you. Living right NOW is the most important.
wow, what a great post. I really needed to read this today. I do a LOT of shoulding the bed. it needs to stop. thank you.
spot on girlfriend. my life is so not what it 'should' be or anything like anyone else's. eh. like you said, my reality, aint nothing wrong with that 😉
Girl, preach. SO true. xo, Champagne&Suburbs