In a conversation with a friend yesterday, I mentioned that 2015 seems to be all about learning the truth about people and respecting myself enough to walk away.
That seems to be a common theme for me the last few years, self respect. It should be a given, really. But it’s something I’ve always struggled with. I’m a yes girl. A people pleaser. I let myself get sucked dry until I have nothing left for myself.
I’ve let people talk down to me. I’ve let people disrespect me. I’ve rolled over to let whatever may be, be. People have underestimated my intelligence, leaving me stung standing in the wake. All of this happens enough times that you just start to believe it. you aren’t worth anything. Those thoughts are hard to push away.
But lately, I’ve realized I harbor a resentment. And while that may not be the best thing, I’m actually a little happy to find that it’s there. It’s the first step in acknowledging that it’s not right. It’s the emotion behind making a change. Taking a stand. Doing what’s right for me.
I’ve learned a lot about myself in the years since graduating college, the most startling among them is that I’d been living as a muted version of myself in the light of other people.
I let harsh judgements and opinions alter who I am. I let myself be controlled, stifled. I’ve been reminded time and time again that who I am and what I do isn’t enough. I’m not successful enough. I’m not realistic enough. The dreams I have are foolish, silly, selfish. Everything is driven by money and wealth. And if you don’t have that, then you are nothing.
But I’ve broken free of those chains. I’m proud of the life we have. I’m proud of the person I am. I’m driven, motivated, creative, passionate, and most importantly kind and understanding. While those qualities might not add up to your definition of success, I’d rather have this life.
It doesn’t have to be enough for you. The wonderful thing about life is that we all get to do it our own way. How I define success (a happy marriage, friends who are more like family, and my days spent doing what makes me happy) doesn’t have to be how you define success.
In the year of learning the truth about people, I’ve learned the truth about myself. The truth about happiness. The truth about respect. The freedom of saying no. The importance of boundaries.
We’re allowed to want what we want. We’re free to make the choices that are right for us. We can take risks, knowing the chance of failure. We don’t have to fit our light into anyone else’s box.
DAMN STRAIGHT FRIEND! I think you nailed this so well. What works for one person may not work for another but that is never an indication of if someone is worthy or not — and honestly, anyone's worthiness is not something anyone else should ever judge.
I'm so proud of you & all you've done and don't ever let someone tell you it's not enough; it is! And you are so much more than worthy. Love you!
PREACH. as i got older, the less fucks i gave and it's wonderful! not everyone will agree with you and everyone has an opinion. i read a funny meme the other day that said "i can't please everyone, i'm not bacon you know" and while it made me laugh, it's so true. we can't please everyone all of the time so the best thing you can do is just do you!
Good for you! I realized this same pattern about myself a few years ago (bad relationship type stuff) and now I'm still pretty laid-back and let people get what they want for the most part, but not in a walk-over-me kinda way if that makes sense. So proud of you!!
So true! I'm a people pleaser too and sadly what is forcing me to break away from that (slowly but surely) is realizing how little people appreciate or care! I mean I don't want it to make me hard and bitter and I always want to be an "extra mile" type person because that's just who I am, but I'm realizing where to draw the line too.
So beautiful! I struggle with a lot of the same things and the same pressures and expectations, most of which I place on myself. Recognizing it and choosing to be you and love your life and yourself is so important. I'm working on it every day. You couldn't have said it more perfectly though!
good for you girl!
i used to be the same.. not so much a yes person, but it really hurt my feelings when people judged me. and then one day i realised i was angry, not hurt, and that made me realise it wasn't right.. and now, i love my life and i'm proud of everything in it, no matter what someone else thinks or says.
Ugh, I feel this so much! I can so easily get wrapped up in trying to make everybody else happy, that I completely forget about whether or not I'M actually happy.
xoxo
Kat
Yes girl!!! Beautifully said, as always. I think I am starting to discover all of this too over the last few years. I want to be able to breathe!!!!
100% yes!!! It's so hard sometimes to let go of things, but honestly it feels so good when you do.
The past almost three years have been a GIGANTIC lesson in this for me too! It's mostly freeing but sometimes I still find myself thinking or caring too much about what someone thinks of me or says about it. It's a work in progress constantly I guess. It's been a balance for me between leaving my former "mean girl" status behind and trying to still not put too much stalk into what others think about me, but be kind about it. (if that makes sense)
Love this! This is so me and so something that I have been learning over the past few years too. A LOT of it happened during my wedding when I realized who really cares about me and who doesn't. I learned which relationships were one way and which were two way. It helped me to let go of a lot of people that I was breaking my back for who didn't care. I'm reading some good books about this too and through God, am seeing myself change. 🙂 Thanks for sharing, Joey!
AMEN, great post. Excited to start following your blog!
The fact that you've thought all this through and understand how worthy you are of respect should tell you that you deserve it. You're SUPER intelligent and driven. Not to mention self-motivated! If you put your mind to demanding respect, you'll totally get it 🙂
I bet it feels good to get this out.
What a beautiful post! 🙂 XO Ellen from Ask Away
http://www.askawayblog.com