On Friday, I got to hang out with Kristina and Meghan. Meghan was in town for an event with her husband, and we got to steal her for a bit to hit the food truck rodeo that takes place every Friday a short walk from my place.
After Kristina left, Meghan and I walked back to my place together. After days and days of rain, it was a much needed nice evening. One thing I love most about blogging friendships is that they’re a little…deeper off the bat. We rarely waste our time with surface level conversation because we already know all the day in day out kind of stuff.
So Meghan dove right in. She asked me how we were doing. Really doing. And my answer? That’s a tough question to answer. But we’re good. Because the fact is, we’ve been through something. And we’ve come out on the other side of it. And while things definitely seem like rainbows and butterflies right now, and they kind of are rainbows and butterflies, we’re still coping with the last few months.
The strange thing is, I said, we actually do the tough stuff better than we do the “easy.” I don’t really know why this is. It could be because our relationship, J’s and mine, started off with the hard stuff. Right off the bat, our faith and commitment were tested, so it’s a comfortable place to be in if that makes any sense. It doesn’t. But it does. Just trust me.
J and I are not a perfect couple. Not by any stretch of the imagination. But our relationship is strong and healthy. And as we go through hard stuff together (and goodness, there’s been a lot–I’d ask to catch a break, but then again…) we only ever grow closer. Our appreciation for each other reaches a deeper level.
But, friends? Being “okay” is all in how you define “okay.” The fact is, we were okay the last few months. Scared? A little broken? A little lost? Yes. But always okay. Some things happened over the course of those few months that reminded us how lucky we were to have each other. To live inside the marriage we built together.
Our five year anniversary is approaching in May. And while we’ve only scratched the surface of this thing called marriage, I think I can take the liberty of saying it’s the best thing we’ve done. It’s the hardest thing we’ve ever done, but worth every hard moment.
It’s easy for me to forget, though, that there was a time in our relationship when we couldn’t speak to each other without fighting. Our best friends will attest to that. I dare you, ask anyone we went to college with.
But on our wedding day, our best man gave a speech that was less conventional but touching never the less.
“Today is just a formality. Because in reality, Joey and Jonathan were already married. They were just one of those things you came to expect to always be. Death. Taxes. And Jonathan and Joey.”
I love the way you phrased that "to live inside the marriage we built together." I'm still *days* away from my 1 year anniversary but I feel like that such a healthy way to look at marriage, something built together- and if you follow the building concept it's going to take a little maintenance every now and then. I'm so glad that you have each other and that you've found the best ways to support one another and, when necessary, to annoy each other (also very important to married life!!)
Have a lovely Monday 🙂
Gosh 5 years of marriage that is wonderful and you guys have many many more years ahead!! The way you said you take turns being the strong ones is so right – there are always shifts in a marriage!! xo, Biana – BlovedBoston
Love love this. Marriage is never going to be all smooth sailing and sunshine (what is in this life??) but truly those tough times can be some of the most formative, and the most valuable because if you handle them right, they make you "one" in a way nothing else can. There's something really, really beautiful about having that relationship where you have that give and take of support like you talked about, sometimes you're strong and sometimes he's strong. Beautiful. 🙂
Marriage is not something easy and it really shouldn't be. I personally feel that the struggles and hardships are some of the most important things that a couple can go through. I love your perspective on marriage.
I love how raw you are. Thank you, Joey.
No. It's not always rainbows and butterflies, but it can feel like it. Healthy couples fight. It's so good that you two can get through the hard times. So many people hit the road when things get tough.
I'm blessed to have been brought up in a home that was "marriage, forever, good times & bad". I saw my parents struggle, but love each other through the struggle, and come out happy and healthy.
As a blogger who often sees the really tragic side of marriage, it's refreshing to see the give and take that's "supposed" to be present in a healthy relationship. Marriage is based on each person giving, stepping up when each person has a different need, or when there is struggle. I truly admire your faith and commitment of 5 years and and am sending BIG hugs of love your way!
I love this!!! Marriage isn't perfect, and anyone who says so is a liar and probably on the verge of a divorce! I love how imperfect marriage and relationships are. And your best man speech was awesome 🙂 Five years is both a long time and such a short time in the grand scheme of things.
Love this, it's truth, real truth. I know I've told you this before, but you & J remind so much of Dustin and I. Marriage is a journey, full of ups & downs. I love doing the good AND the bad times with my partner!
Love this post, and how honest you are! Life and relationships aren't perfect… but that doesn't mean you can't be perfect for each other! 🙂
xoxo
Kat
Thank you so much for sharing this and being real and honest. So true that things might not always be "good", but they are okay 🙂
awwww this post. love it, love your honesty and that picture 😉 the best man speech was fabulous as well.
KC and I used to fight all the time as well, lol. we've definitely mellowed out through the years and the easy has become easier because compared to the bad, it's so.. well, easy. i think of marriage as a bit like a roller coaster. ups and downs, great feelings and bad feelings. if you're sitting next to a stranger, it's going to be hard and awkward and not fun. but someone you love and can have fun with? what a great ride!
What a nice tan you have in that picture, my friend!
Love the best man speech..
And yeah, sometimes we do "hard" better than we do "easy" just because we're used to it. It started like that for us, so we got the practice in.
I love this. Thanks so much for sharing! It really helps to read about real life couples and marriages and get a better grasp on what I am about to walk into!
I love how honest you are in this post. Everyone in marriage knows how tough it can be — and I loooove that speech. I always love to go back to the "proposal" in Runaway Bride (LAME, I know) BUT… I love it. Thanks for sharing this part of your life with us. 🙂
Love this! 🙂 Supporting each other through the struggles are what makes real relationships! You guys are doing GREAT!
Ah, I love this so much…thanks for sharing!! I love what you said about living inside of the marriage you built. That's pretty much exactly how I've been thinking about Steve and my marriage as we come up on our five year mark too (YAY for that!!) It's so nice to be able to enjoy what we've built, even though it still has it's less than perfect times…it's good to be established and more or less know how to handle the more difficult things that come our way.
I've never really thought about both spouses being strong but man, did you hit the nail on the head with that one. Sometimes, I think marriage is a lot like our relationship with Christ (in more ways than this) in that it's easy to be close to God when times are hard. When He is all you have to lean on, you stay close. But the true test is when life is "easy". When things are good, will you don't need Him to be so close, will you still desire a relationship with Him?
Love the way you write, girl!
That picture is great, so tan, and you are both glowing! It's all too easy to get caught up in putting on an act and let everyone things are all rainbows and butterflies. But that's not real life, ya know? Glad you and J are able to support each other, even through all the otugh stuff! <3 <3
I needed this post Joey. K and I are about to celebrate 5 years as well and it is so hard sometimes. We've been through more than we should have in 5 years as well. But I think we have a much stronger marriage bow than year 1 for sure. Thank you for being open. I appreciate that about you and your writing.