When I was a kid, I over romanticized Christmas. I’ll admit it. I watched every Christmas movie with hope in my heart to have that kind of love someday. To snuggle up by a fire after the grand finale. I think that might be why I took the 2008 holiday season so hard. I was expecting a ring. We can get engaged after I graduate the husband said. Another deadline that came and went, soggy with my tears. Road blocks.
I’m getting off topic.
Christmas means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. And while most importantly it’s the birth of Jesus Christ, the epitome of Christianity, it encapsulates all sorts of different emotions for me.
Peace and thankfulness. Happiness and excitement. It reminds me that we are God’s children and that He’s Got This. Whatever this is.
Sadness. I realize this might not be the norm, but Christmas makes me feel just a little sad every year. Or maybe nostalgic and sad. That might be a better description. But ultimately, it makes me miss those who aren’t around anymore. Specifically Uncle John. I could explain in plain terms who he was to me and my family, but that just wouldn’t do. This is our 8th Christmas without him. I wish I could tell you it gets easier or hurts a little less each year. It doesn’t. Loss is loss. I’ll touch more on that in a post to come in the future.
Partnered with that is the nostalgia. The memories of all the Christmases that came before this one. Waking up in a house full of all of my siblings. Running to the tree in the bonus room. Having to climb over packages just to find a place to sit because when there are five kids…you can imagine how full that room was. It was almost as full as our hearts. And those memories make me happy, but they also make me sad. I can’t remember the last time I woke up in my parents’ house with all of my siblings on Christmas morning. In fact, more vividly, I remember the Christmas morning I woke up…the only “kid” in the house. Our traditions changed that year. I wandered downstairs in my pajamas to find my parents sitting on the couch in the sitting room eagerly waiting for me to open presents. “This sucks,” I said out loud and set the gift down. We threw all our packages into large trash bags and hauled them over to my sister’s house which is now where my family spends Christmas.
I just remember thinking as a kid that Christmas was a constant. And while the day is, so much of what Christmas is isn’t.
But I guess that comes with growing older. Everything is ever changing. And while I love my little Christmas traditions now with the husband I so desperately wanted that 2008 Christmas, I know there will come a time when this season in our life is a distant memory. I can picture it now, wiping the sleep from my eyes and settling in with my cup of coffee while the little ones run to the tree with glee in their eyes. They’ll have to step carefully just to find a place to sit because the room will be full. And I’ll catch J’s eye and smile, fondly remembering these early days.
I'm smiling with a few tears. So true. Christmas changes for me every single year too. Merry Christmas Eve!
Love this post so much! This is so beautifully written, and SO true! I know exactly what you mean about feeling sadness along with the joy of the season, for those that are no longer with us. I think you have a wonderful perspective on it though, it is always changing, but we can find joy even in that! Merry Christmas girl! 🙂
I think, for many people, Christmas IS a constant. It was for me for 22 years! Then, life and the army happened and we haven't had a "regular" Christmas since. This is our 2nd one with just me and Scott and our 4th house. I'm sure you understand that. It does make each Christmas memorable and they don't blend together. However, tradition is nice. I keep telling myself I can worry about that later.
Merry Christmas friend!
I am with you on the nostalgia and sadness Joey. Just remembering those we have lost and how much we wish they could be there with us. I love Christmas so much, especially with a little one, but we still miss our loved ones who are no longer there.
Merry Christmas to you and your hubby!
Christmas is every changing, and I can understand the sadness of missing the ones that are no longer with us each year. I love the Christmas season and I try hard not to let things that don't go right get me down. I hope that you guys have a very Merry Christmas!!!
Oh Christmas brings nostalgia back every year. I hear you about the loss we grieve each year {whether we want it or not – who wants to grieve, but it always comes back}. I try to enjoy the little things during this season, let the good things be stronger than the bad/sad things. Hope you had a fantastic Christmas Time…enjoyed the little moments, the funny moments, and even the sad ones. After all they make you the wonderful person you are.
I had a post very similar to this one planned… but it was only in my head. Every time I sat down to write out these things… it just wasn't working. Christmas, and life too, I guess… is always evolving. I'm learning to appreciate the beauty of it.
Your Christmas tree is GORG every single year.
-Claire
fashionandfeathers.com
ray ban sunglasses clearance sale I've ray ban sunglasses clearance sale been there working life, in fact, that is my Cheap Qin Shushu. But he surnamed Han, you cheap ray ban sunglasses clearance cheap ray ban sunglasses clearance name Long ah. Blue sister very sincere and asked, cheap secretly fan himself a slap in the face. cheap ray ban sunglasses clearance Haha, I'm kidding, actually Cheap is my grandfather's adopted son, ha ha. cheap liar, already cheap ray ban sunglasses http://www.centremk.co.uk clearance suspected, see the blue sister look of unbelief, cheap and said.
I noticed a excellent stability, especially at the front, cheap ted baker dresses allowing to attack downhill with confidence even when the ground is brittle. Just a little regret about the ted baker outlet rockfall could have been a little more protection on the sides. The shoe is hot and relatively impermeable although ted baker dresses sale not with Gore Tex membrane.