by Joey | Aug 15, 2014 | Throwback
Orly: Saturated; Nina Ultra Pro: Starbright; Disney chunky pink glitter
It’s been a weird week with what seems like a lot of sadness all over the place. My moment this week is quiet and simple, but I sat myself outside for a few hours with some music, some snacks and my thoughts. It was the first real brainstorm session for the next book, and it felt awesome.
I went to the eye doctor this week. It was a new office for me, so I was prepared for the standard questions. Being someone familiar with this routine, I was armed with my usual answers. When they asked if I exercise, I was ready to deliver my normal
ha, yeah, no then caught myself. Oh. Yeah, I guess I do. And then came the inevitable
so what do you do question. For the first time since we’ve lived here, I answered proudly and with validation.
I am a writer. (Didn’t know that? Get my
book here!
::J and I were watching TV::
Me: Wait! Was that the Mona Lisa?
J: No, I think that was a man.
Me: Oh, I guess I really do need new glasses.
Bahahaha. But I mean…I am a very difficult lady to love.
Forget just turning it off, I have to PUT IT AWAY! Bailey doesn’t play games.
Happy Friday, loves! Still a sitting duck over here anxiously patiently waiting for a phone call that’ll take me to SC! No pressure, little Soph. You keep cookin’ for a few more days, kay?
by Joey | Aug 14, 2014 | Throwback
++ The other night we settled into bed. J fell asleep pretty quickly and I had my earplugs in so I couldn’t hear much of anything. Suddenly, I hear the low vibration of J’s voice and I yank out my earplug. He said, “I must have been half asleep because when Campbell kicked his crinkle ball in here, I thought you had a candy bar in bed.” The sad thing is, he wasn’t even all that surprised at his assumption.
++ I pulled into our driveway the other day and something caught my eye. I guess my brain immediately identified it as “bird” and I looked away. But then I did a double take. Holy bananas! Upon closer inspection, the sucker had a poor little squirrel in his talons. Of course I called J, who happened to be home on a quick break (thank God for living on campus), to meet me outside. When I got out of the car, the hawk flew over to the fence behind him with the squirrel dangling. I mean, this is my back yard y’all! He hung out on that fence forever. Go home, hawk. Go home!
++ I made the mistake of buying and trying Nutella this week. My favorite things in the world are chocolate croissants. I haven’t had one in ages, so I thought I’d try a little on my own. Oh, my goodness y’all. I feel like I’ve been living under a rock! It’s definitely not the healthiest, but whatevs. I don’t care. I know, I know. I still need to try a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Who woulda thought I’d cross “publish a novel” off my 30 before 30 before having a PB&J? Yeah, me neither.
++ We have a string of xmas lights that hangs in our living room because the room is just so dark. They’re white lights on a white strand. Well, half the strand went out. And it’s August. Where the heck am I supposed to find xmas lights right now? Do you know? (I live in the middle of no where so don’t say hobby lobby–the closest one is 3 hours away).
++ Our couches were disintegrating on us–I’m talking to the extent that we had to make sure we didn’t have any “couch” on us whenever we’d get up. I don’t blame them. They’d been put through the ringer in the last almost 5 years. I think cheap furniture is only supposed to go through so many unprofessional moves in its lifetime. So the hubs called last week, told me to call the store to double check they had the couch we wanted in stock that he had a Uhaul lined up. He had a short break from camp and he managed to get the Uhaul, grab the couches, deliver them, dispose of our old ones and then return the Uhaul all in just about an hour and a half! I have to say…we’re kind of in love. I’m also really glad we went for the ottoman, too!
Okay, friends. I think that’s it for today! See yah tomorrow!
by Joey | Aug 13, 2014 | Throwback
When I hear about someone suffering from mental health, my heart absolutely breaks. It’s something no one really talks about. It’s something that gets pushed under the rug. Be happy, people say. As if it were all so simple.
Being sad might be the most crippling of all the emotions. Can you imagine a sadness so great that it makes you want to disappear into nothingness? Imagine your worst moment, then imagine someone living in that state constantly. Could your heart take it? I know mine couldn’t.
I imagine my worst day. Despite the blur of tears, that day is so clear. My heart remembers the sadness so well that sometimes I have to remind it not to feel that way all the time. Because sadness doesn’t go away, it doesn’t. It’s something you carry with you forever, the difference is that we learn how to carry it. We learn how to let it exist without it defining our every moment. And if you’re lucky, you have people who help you carry it. I think that makes all the difference.
I pinned this image ages ago…
And I thought…how very true. How very tragic. To be surrounded by the wrong kinds of people. To allow people into our lives who do nothing for us but make us feel more lonely than before. And I thought how lucky I was to have this ever growing system of support. From people who hardly know me to people who actually love me.
If I’m being one hundred percent honest here, I was depressed in 2013. It was mild, but it was real. And for a person who is typically just happy, it was something I didn’t understand. A general sadness veiled my heart. I let life get in, and I couldn’t get it out. I was on the edge of a breakdown constantly. Life has a way of doing that to even the happiest of people sometimes. I’m not ashamed of it. I’m a strong person, but I wasn’t strong enough for 2013. I just wasn’t. But the thing is, I had people. I didn’t have to pretend. I didn’t have to keep up an appearance. I was sad. I was a kind of sad I’d never, ever known. And it was okay.
And then, finally, the sadness lifted. But all the while, I had people in my corner. They weren’t pulling or pushing. They were just there, standing with me, holding my hand. And it made all the difference.
If you are suffering in any way, please please don’t feel like you have to be ashamed. Please don’t let the world make you think it’s not okay. Because being sad is okay. And you don’t have to be strong all of the time. And there is a way out of the sadness, I promise.
1800-273-8255
by Joey | Aug 12, 2014 | Throwback
Shoes: Payless (last season, similar
here)
I had every intention of wearing this simple and flirty dress to my BIL’s wedding in May, but then I got put in a boot and figured a floor length dress was a better choice. I love how this piece fits, and the price point is even better.
I had a great time over the weekend catching up with Meg and playing fashion blogger. Y’all? I am awkward in front of a camera. It also doesn’t help that my bad photo luck continued and it was absolutely storming on Saturday. Oh well, we made do!
I have to say–she did a pretty dang good job with my dinky little point and shoot, huh? That last photo she snapped? A total accident and definitely one of our faves! At least all the rain provides a nice lush background, huh? That’s my front yard!
If any one ever tries to tell you NC isn’t beautiful, they’re lying!
by Joey | Aug 11, 2014 | Throwback
For some strange reason I was digging through my drafts in blogger. FYI: there are a lot. And I happened across this one. And every hair on my arms stood up. This was written on April 5th. At that time, I was knee deep in revisions, and I still wasn’t sure how all of this would play out in the end. My dreams still felt totally out of reach. The thing with writing is, it’s not an instant gratification type of career. You have to put in the hours and make the sacrifices without ever knowing if it’ll be worth it in the end.
*****
I’m writing this today and keeping it in my drafts. Because today, I am a self proclaimed writer. I sit at my desk day in and day out, and I pound out words. But the world has not dubbed me a writer yet. No one has paid me for my words. You cannot walk into a book store and find my name on the spine of a hardback. I am just me. At my desk. With my words.
And today, I want it so badly. I want to Be A Writer so badly that sometimes I break down because that want is so big that I can’t even carry it anymore. I feel like I am standing on one side of a 100 ft wall, and the only thing stopping me from Being A Writer is the climb over that wall. Sometimes I feel like that, the climb that is, is the easiest feat in the world. Oh, that wall? Please. I can climb that in my sleep. And other times I feel like I’ve lost all use of my arms and legs and I lay there at the base of the wall looking up thinking it is impossible.
I’m not sure those feelings ever really go away. That want. That confidence and that fear. Because no matter what happens, no matter if this book is a success or a failure, I think I will always want it. I will always want to be a writer. The question is, when this post finally goes live–whenever that might be–is the want still there?
Because today–the day this post goes live–the world has dubbed me a writer. Someone has paid me for my words. Someone has picked me and said yup, you’re good enough. And I want to know, are the feelings the same? Will I still just be me at my desk with my words?
Because man. I really hope so.
{written 4/5/14}
*****
For the record?
Yeah, it feels the same.
That want is still there.
Thank God.
