back in the day I used to have a twitter account for all of his one liners. I guess I still have it–but I haven’t logged into it in years.
Today I’ll entertain you with some of the conversations that happen in this house.
You’re welcome.
Thursday morning. In bed debating whether Bailey would be heavy enough to break through the ice in the yard or if she’d just slide on top of it.
me: I wonder if she’s heavy enough to break through the ice–oh! wait! Isn’t that a game? Break through the ice? Break the ice? Something like that?
him: break the ice, yes–that’s a game. Break through the ice, no. Mouse trap- yes. Guess who, also yes. Operation–that’s a good game. I do enjoy break the ice. Do you remember that game?
sigh.
I’m making breakfast and hubs is walking around
him: boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants–but why is it boots and pants?
me: because if you say it repeatedly it sounds like techno music. (demonstrates with dancing while boots and pantsing then clutch my sore abdomen) oww.
him: no boots and pantsing.
Husband farts.
me: I’m never making you bacon again.
him: it wasn’t the bacon. I just stretched too hard.
me: how does stretching make a FART happen?
Unloading the Chinese take out from the bag. A little orange chicken sauce spills on the couch.
me: Oh! wait! I’ll grab some paper towels (exits room into kitchen). You’re not sucking it off the couch are you? ARE YOU? (walks back into living room)
him: no, of course not.
me: then where is it?
him: well I couldn’t waste it!! That’s good orange chicken sauce!
me: well, there’s that.
Husband walks into the living room after changing in the bedroom. He’s chewing on something.
me (excited): hey!! Whatcha chewin’ on there? You find candy?!
him: uh? Tums? Candy for old people.
We finished watching a movie in our living room fort/bed. He moved to the couch for a second to check something on his phone that was plugged in.
me (looking at the bed where Bailey and Campbell are sprawled out dead asleep): how’d I end up with these two? I feel like I reverse kissed a frog.
him: you kissed a dog
me: and it gave me a cat?
him: you win!
lol!! Awh thats fun!! I actually just played don't break the ice at work yesterday!
I love that he ate the sauce off the couch, bahaha
men feel no way about eating stuff off things they shouldn't. 5 second rule applies to everything.
-kathy
Vodka and Soda
HAHAHA, I am dying over the stretch fart. That sounds like something Nate would say. Guys are hilarious.
This is so awesome!! The orange chicken sauce! And my mind is blown, because I always thought it was "boots and cats." I definitely had to try both after reading that, and I've concluded that they both work equally well 🙂
I love these! The last three are my favorite though. You can not waste the orange sauce, it's too good!
That is pretty hilarious that he ate the sauce off the couch. If only I could train Chris to lick up his messes…..
Guys can be so funny!
Bahahaha! Not gonna lie, I would've saved the food off the couch, too!!! No shame in my game!
You need to link up with us for Shit Men Say! Next one is the 11th!
Awwww jeez I swear the things that come out of their mouths right? Like I wish I could stop and look at the camera and go "everyone out there….you heard that one too?"…..last night I got the most dreaded one "my head hurts….I think I'm getting sick"…..oh Lord….abandon ship nothing is worse than a man who is sick right??
hahaha! Guys can be so hilarious and random….my husband also has a great appreciation for orange chicken sauce…
I'm glad I'm not the only person who eats TUMS like candy!
By the way, for the past 5 minutes I've been going "boots and pants and boots and pants and boots…."
I make no apologies for my addiction to orange chicken- J
I make no apologies for my addiction to orange chicken- J
Hahahaha. Oh J. Men are just so special, aren't they? <3
I may steal this idea….
Scott eats Tums like candy too. And cough drops. So weird.
Dying over the sauce on the couch! Haha well there's that… 🙂
Hilarious! I will say, I had to ask my husband about that boots and pants commercial (I did not get it!) and I do secretly like those chewable Tums. I had to go cold turkey and only buy the gross chalky ones so I wouldn't eat too many. It's the same with gummy vitamins.
He and my husband would get along. My guy always comes up with the weirdest things to say. And it cracks me up.
I'm totes creepin' on your old posts, this one was hilarious though! Especially the orange chicken sauce, I was like "No, no, he doesn't" and then he did. Boys.