Expectations.
Judgements.
Explanations.
I was 22. I had a degree. I had a job with a fancy title in the industry I was interested in. Granted, the job wasn’t at all related to what I knew how to do, but I figured the proximity to what I loved would make me happy. It didn’t.
I had a 401K and insurance. I had flexible hours, and I could wear jeans to work. The people I worked with were nice. I didn’t fit in. Something just didn’t feel right. I tried to force it because there were all these thoughts floating through my head. How do I explain what I want to another person when I didn’t quite understand it myself.
I was living in my parents’ attic. I knew there would be questions. I knew there would be judgements. I could feel my heart pulsing in my throat when I sat in the meeting with my boss to tell her that I was leaving my big girl job to work in a tanning bed.
Yes. I went from being an Account Executive with a newspaper to wiping sweat from tanning beds by choice.
I wasn’t hired as a manager. I didn’t take the job with the expectation I’d some day become the manager. Let me make that clear. I took the job knowing that I would be no better than an 18 year old working part time in college. Except I was full time. There was no insurance. I had to trust myself that I wasn’t making a huge mistake.
I can’t explain it. I wish I could. I just trusted my gut. When I saw the listing it was just something that felt right. It felt like something I would enjoy. It felt like something I would be good at.
So I applied. I got offered the hourly position, and I quit my “big girl” job.
Within 30 days, I was the manager. And I loved my job. I loved the people I got to see daily. I loved being encouraged to be my peppy, happy self. I fit. I was satisfied. And I was tired, no exhausted, at the end of the day. And it felt so good.
Occasionally someone from my high school would come in to tan. And I would be lying if I told you I wasn’t embarrassed. They’d be wearing their fancy suits obviously on their way home from their fancy jobs, and there I was signing them into a tanning bed for 11 minutes. The worry of judgement was real for me. But at the same time–I didn’t care. I was happy.
I didn’t fit in the mold. I saw all of my friends doing the things they were supposed to be doing, and I didn’t quite understand why I was just perfectly happy to work in a tanning bed. The conversations would come up (you know the ones–when you haven’t seen someone in a long time and they ask you what you’re doing these days), and I felt this rush of fear in trying to justify why I wanted to do what I was doing. I wasn’t doing it as a part-time/in between job. It was what I wanted.
The point of this story is–I did what I wanted despite the fear of judgement and expectation. And I was happy. I paid my bills. And I even ended up with insurance when I became a manager. I know I got lucky–and I’m not saying run off and quit your job. But in the end–isn’t being happier what matters?
It was while I was at that job that I wrote my first book. I wasn’t creatively drained at the end of the day–and I wasn’t exhausted from hating my life. I was electrically charged and full of inspiration. And I was happy. And I made the time.
Isn’t that what matters? We all get so caught up in what other people will think that we forget to make ourselves happy.
disclaimer: don’t try to stalk me 😉 I no longer work for either of these companies, and I no longer live in that town.
looooove this!!!
Wow. GOOD FOR YOU. It's a juggle and a balance and somehow you knew how to make it work. And that's all that matters! After leaving my first big girl job and going to work in retail, I had similar embarrassment issues – I mean, no one goes to college and thinks they will end up at a job they could have done straight out of high school. But you worked it out. And so did I. Sounds like you got far more out of your experience than I did, though!
JOeeeyyyyy I needed to read this today! You are all over my wavelength lately and I love it. THANK YOU for this post, friend! 🙂
I love that you were the manager within 30 days. Sometimes we just need to start over. I'm in awe that you had the courage to do it. I told Scott that if given the choice, I never would've left my job in Alaska simply because I was comfortable. It was too easy. I felt myself getting dumber, day by day (teaching the same thing 3 years in a row will do that to you), but I never would've given up THAT salary if I hadn't had to.
Same thing here. I've gained brain cells this year, I'm sure of it. But next year, if I were to stay in the same place, I don't think I'd continue learning in the same way.
When did you leave the tanning place?
This is so great! Too often we don't go for what we want solely because we are worried what others might think. Props to you!
This all makes so much sense to me and I went though a similar thing when we moved to NC. And now I might just write about it…
Good for you for doing what you wanted and being happy. That's all that matters!
Wow I love this! I went to law school and the expectations are so heavy. I have that big fancy lawyer job now, but I sometimes wish I was as brave as you