Brave

Because on the inside?  We’re all afraid of being judged.

I admitted a few years ago that I didn’t always like myself.  I’m awkward.  I forget the right words to say.  I get giggly and fidgety around new people.  I get annoyingly excited.  I’m loud.  My posture is horrible.  My eyes are squinty and my nose is pointy.  I like crappy TV shows.  I like shallow things like glitter and makeup.  I do nerdy little dances at random times for no reason.  I’ll make up words to songs that are in my head–off key.  

I’m weird.

But in all honesty–aren’t we all a little weird?  Isn’t that what makes life so fun and different and exciting?  Can you imagine how boring life would be if we were all identical drones?  I’m always so worried about what someone might think of me–assuming that what they’d think is something bad.  I never stopped to consider that maybe some people out there might like my weird.

I see other people, and I assume that’s how my life should be.  Just like in HS, everyone falls into some kind of place.  But now instead of it being that they have the shiniest hair, the prettiest clothes or the hottest boyfriend–it’s that they have the best job, the fanciest house, the most adorable kid.

I’m always nervous when meeting new people and they want to get to know a little about me.  What do you do?  What do you like?  What’s your life like?  I get nervous because on the inside I’m afraid of being judged for liking pop music and candy.  I would eat cheeseburgers every day for the rest of my life without ever pretending to like kale but what if they’re a health nut and they’ll judge me for this?  I’m afraid that when I say I’m a writer they’ll immediately ask if I’ve been published and then what if they don’t qualify me as a writer because I’m just some girl sitting behind a desk pretending?  I get shy when people ask me what kind of books I like.  I’m a writer, I should like deep and profound novels–but I like fluffy reads and cheeky mysteries.  

What if I’m just not good enough.

Lately, though.  I’ve really challenged myself just to like myself.  Just to be myself.  I’m most myself here on this blog and on twitter.  I mentioned that to a friend of mine the other day–about how we all have slightly variated versions of ourselves.  My voice is the truest in those two settings.  Well, there and at home with my husband.  And with my best friends.  And with my family.  I can be delightfully weird and painfully loud without ever worrying they’ll hate my weird.  

There’s the chance people might judge me.  But there’s also an equal chance they’ll like me.  I forget that side of the coin sometimes.  And maybe you do, too.  I can get all gushy and cliched on you and tell you that what others think of you isn’t important–that all that matters is how you feel about yourself.  And while that’s very true, it’s hard to shake the the thought of what if they judge me.

But you’re on an even playing field.  Everyone out there is just as afraid of being judged as you are.  Every person in this world would be lying to you if they said they didn’t have some kind of insecurity.  Find the qualities about yourself that you love.  I promise you–others will love your quirkiness.  Because no one wants to spend time with a cardboard cut out of a person.  

 

When I saw this music video, I thought about what I would do or feel if I saw someone dancing randomly by themselves in a public place.  Would I judge them?  Probably not.  I would stand there and watch and feel my heart swell at the fact that they were having fun.  And I can’t help but think most of you would, too.  When I’m out and I see people just outright enjoying themselves despite how weird they might be coming across, I feel proud of them.  And I can’t help but think other people out there feel the same way I do.  So stop hiding your weird.  Be Brave.