Well, guys. It’s that time of year again. What time is that, you’re wondering? The time when football steals away my husband until December. I’m pretty used to it by now, but I thought I’d give you a little glimpse into being a football widow.
- I’ve eaten more quesadillas than I care to admit.
- I also begin to survive solely on “quick” foods–mostly veggies and mushrooms.
- I read a lot of books.
- I watch a lot of TV. This is about the time I search for a new TV series to get sucked into. This year it’s New Girl. Last year it was Hart of Dixie.
- I’ll realize when I finally say something to the dog around 2:45PM that I haven’t actually used my voice all day.
- My husband is nothing more than a hazy ghost that I see through half open eyelids at varying ungodly hours of the morning.
- The laundry is suddenly full of very stinky clothing.
- Once games actually start–on Saturdays you’ll find me sitting in the stands, usually alone, staring at a field hosting a game I know nothing about. And I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
And with that, I thought I’d share something that my friend Mia shared some time ago since football season is on the horizon (and if your husband happens to work at a university that offers HS training camps, has already begun–like here).
THE FOOTBALL WIFE
The good Lord was creating a model for football
wives, and was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared. She said,
“Lord you seem to be having a lot of trouble with this one. What’s wrong with
the standard model?”
wives, and was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared. She said,
“Lord you seem to be having a lot of trouble with this one. What’s wrong with
the standard model?”
The Lord replied, “ Have you seen the specs on
this order? She has to be completely independent, possess the qualities of both
father and mother, be a perfect hostess to 4 or 40 with an hour’s notice, run
on black coffee, handle every emergency imaginable without a manual, be able to
carry on cheerfully, even if she is pregnant and has the flu, and she must be
willing to move to a new location 10 times in 17 years. And oh, yes. She must
have six pairs of hands.”
this order? She has to be completely independent, possess the qualities of both
father and mother, be a perfect hostess to 4 or 40 with an hour’s notice, run
on black coffee, handle every emergency imaginable without a manual, be able to
carry on cheerfully, even if she is pregnant and has the flu, and she must be
willing to move to a new location 10 times in 17 years. And oh, yes. She must
have six pairs of hands.”
The angel shook her head. “Six pairs of hands? No
way.”
way.”
The Lord continued, “Don’t worry; we will make
other wives to help her. And we will give her an unusually strong heart so it
can swell with pride in her husband’s achievements, sustain the pain of
separations, beat soundly when it is overworked and tired, and be large enough
to say, ‘I understand,’ when she doesn’t, and say ‘I love you,’ regardless.”
other wives to help her. And we will give her an unusually strong heart so it
can swell with pride in her husband’s achievements, sustain the pain of
separations, beat soundly when it is overworked and tired, and be large enough
to say, ‘I understand,’ when she doesn’t, and say ‘I love you,’ regardless.”
“Lord,” said the angel, touching his arm gently.
“Go to bed and get some rest. You can finish this tomorrow.”
“Go to bed and get some rest. You can finish this tomorrow.”
“I can’t stop now,” said the Lord. “I am so close
to creating something unique. Already this model heals herself when she is
sick, can put up six unexpected guests for the weekend, wave goodbye to her
husband and understand why it’s important he leave.”
to creating something unique. Already this model heals herself when she is
sick, can put up six unexpected guests for the weekend, wave goodbye to her
husband and understand why it’s important he leave.”
The angel circled the model of the football wife,
looked at it closely and sighed, “it looks fine, but it’s too soft.”
looked at it closely and sighed, “it looks fine, but it’s too soft.”
“She might look soft,” replied the Lord, “but she
has the strength of a lion. You would not believe what she can endure.”
has the strength of a lion. You would not believe what she can endure.”
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her fingers
across the cheek of the Lord’s creation. “There’s a leak,” she announced.
“Something is wrong with the construction. I am not surprised that it has
cracked. You are trying to put too much into this model.”
across the cheek of the Lord’s creation. “There’s a leak,” she announced.
“Something is wrong with the construction. I am not surprised that it has
cracked. You are trying to put too much into this model.”
The Lord appeared offended at the angel’s lack of
confidence. “What you see is not a leak,” he said. “It’s a tear.”
confidence. “What you see is not a leak,” he said. “It’s a tear.”
“A tear? What is it there for?” asked the angel.
The Lord replied, “it’s for joy, sadness, pain,
disappointment, loneliness, pride, and dedication to all the values that she
and her husband hold dear.”
disappointment, loneliness, pride, and dedication to all the values that she
and her husband hold dear.”
“You are a genius!” exclaimed the angel.
The Lord looked puzzled, and
replied, “I didn’t put it there.”
replied, “I didn’t put it there.”
That sounds an awful lot like deployment. Actually, I prefer that if he's going to be that busy that he just be "away" somewhere. Him being home for 5 hours a day (none of which are waking hours) is just depressing.
When Scott goes fishing all night (at least once a week), I have quesadillas for dinner.
awe it's that time of year again!
Aww, I wish I lived close so we could hang out while he's gone!!